Tuesday, May 7, 2013

My Daughter's Mother's Day Q&A

So almost every year, my kids bring home a Mother's/Father's Day question-and-answer paper from school, and some of the replies are pretty freakin hysterical.  "Dad likes to sit on the couch and drink beer."  "My mom likes to shop."  Etc...etc...etc...

But this year's Q&A takes the cake.  My daughter and I are pretty close.  The girl was attached to my hip until she was about four.  These days, she much more independent but still loves to hang out with me -- so I can paint her nails, listen to her never-ending questions "Why, mom? WHY?" and conversations (seriously, the girl follows me around talking...talking...talking...), and to pick up after her.  You know, all those standard assumptions kids have toward their parents.

Since she and I are close, when she handed me this year's paper, I got pretty damn excited to see the answers.  However, I was a bit surprised with what I read...

My mom's favorite food is: Candy.

(Um, ehhhhh?  I hardly ever eat candy, never keep it in the house, and don't eat HER candy, either.  Plus, candy evidently is "food" to a seven year old.)

My mom's favorite song is: ?

(A question mark?  OK, I'll give her that one.  I never let her listen to my favorite song, anyway, because of the mass swearing in it hehe).

My mom's favorite activity is: Cooking

(Can I get a HELL NO?  Cooking?!!!  I hate to cook.  Hate it.  I suck at it.  And darling daughter, just because I'm constantly freaking cooking for you does not mean I actually like to do it.  Next.)

My mom's favorite thing to cook me is: Chicken Nugs

(I rest my case.  You can add ten points to the "you're a shitty mom for feeding your kid processed chicken nuggets" for that one, too).

My mom's favorite sport is: "Baskitbal"

(Uhhhh, no?  I dont play, I dont watch it, I dont even know the team here in Philly.  I only agree to shoot hoops with her in the driveway so she'll stop asking me to.  "Mooom, pleassssse?   PLEASE, MOM!?"  Oh, for fuck's sake, give me the ball.  However, at least she didn't say what my REAL favorite activity is: sipping a cocktail with my feet up and staring at the wall after a long-ass day.  Yep.)

My mom's favorite saying is: I will love you forever.

(Sniff sniff.  This is true.  As long as I'm living, my baby she'll be.  The funny part is she drew a picture of the two of us holding hands...with her looking up at me saying "why?"  Classic.)

So what's my assessment of my girl's Mother's Day Q&A?  CLEARLY, my darling daughter doesn't know me at all.  But, you know what, that's OK.  I'm perfectly content that she's completely wrapped up in her cute, little seven year old self -- because that's the way it should be.

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