Take a good look at this picture before I begin...
After reading the title of this blog post, can you guess what happened to me last night? Yep, during a friend's birthday festivities (with 20 other women watching), I proceeded to spill an entire glass of red wine all over myself, including my very cute, very white shirt.
Yep, I was *that* friend last night.
I had only had one drink at the time and, Murphy's Law, it was an $80 bottle from 2006 ("practically vintage!" as one of my girlfriends said), and it was a FULL glass. Nice work, Tasha. Not only do you wear white (after Labor Day, gasp!), but you manage to spill, not cheap wine but, pretty expensive wine all over yourself....in front of 20 women who are sitting at the table with you.
This was almost as bad as the time I bled on a stripper.
Yeah, not going to tell you THAT story, sorry 'bout that. If you know me in person, ask me about it. If you're lucky, I might tell you...
Back to the wine. What kills me the most is, typically, I am not *that* friend. I have never spilled a drink on myself...like, ever. I can handle my alcohol, thanks to my years of bartending. At the bars I worked at, we could drink while we worked, so I learned at a very early age how to drink without showing it.
So how did it happen, you ask? I was sitting at a very large table (with 20 other women, remember lol?), happily passing appetizer plates around when, two plates came to me at once. I did my best to pass one and then the other when....crash! All over my lap. I also made a very loud gasp when the glass emphatically hit my plate, pouring wine all over my plate (with delish food on it), the white table cloth, my pants and my shirt. The gasp probably got the attention of the remaining women who didn't hear the glass/plate crash.
Awesome. Way to get the birthday party started, Tasha.
But...there IS a happy ending to this story. After hunkering down at the table, trying to hide the very large, pinkish stain underneath the table, I texted The Hubs with my news. You know what he did? He grabbed a very pretty sweater from my closet, hopped in the car with no shoes on, and drove to the restaurant so I could change my shirt! I made him come in to where the party was and, thankfully, the women at my table gave him a round of applause.
I got a lot of "my husband would NEVER do that for me!" and "I can't believe he did that!" from the women around me.
I just told them that yes, I have a super-duper husband (love you, Hubs!) and...... I give really good blow jobs. Yes, I really told them that (add 20 classy points for that one).
So, ladies, the next time you're feeling too tired, or don't want to grant your husband's *special* requests...just think, one day, you might spill red wine all over yourself and need a new shirt.
More b.s. (and the first word is bird)
2 days ago