Monday, August 27, 2012

Deep Thoughts....About Philly

I have one more week of summer left -- one more week before things start getting bat shit crazy again.  Getting up early, praying to God that my kids don't battle the morning routine, packing lunches, baseball, tae kwon do and gymnastics adventures, homework, regular dinners, and ON TIME bedtime routines....none of that "ten more minutes, mom, it's summer!" bullshit.

I loathe bedtime....that is, until it's my bedtime.  I love my bedtime -- you mean, it's finally time to go to sleep?  Yesssssss.

Anyway, I should be cleaning the living room carpets right now since my angelic son managed to rub Nutella into it (and more than one spot, imagine that?!).  I told him, if the (fucking) Nutella stains the carpet, he's paying to replace it.  I figured that should take him about, hymmm, ten year's worth of allowance.

But, instead of cleaning the carpet, I thought I'd blog to y'all a few of the funny things I've learned about Philly lately.

Diners.  As in the greasy spoon-ish, neon lights around the entrance, booths look like they haven't been replaced since the 70's (and probably haven't) kind of diners.  Philly LOVES their diners; they are EVERYWHERE.  That was one of the first things The Hubs and I noticed when we started driving into the burbs after getting off the plane...

Me: "Look, a diner!"  Half a block later..."Oh gee, another one!"  Two blocks later... "Another......"

The Hubs: "Let me guess, a diner."  

Me again: "Um, OK, this is getting weird."  

What is it with Philly and diners?  Is it an east coast thing or a Philly thing?  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy eating at *some* of them, and one of my kids' favorite places to eat is the diner near our house.  But do we need one on every corner like your beloved Wawa?  (click the Wawa link if you want to read what I REALLY think about it...)

Hoagies.  Speaking of Wawa, they have a commercial about how amazing their hoagies are.  I had to stop and think about what a hoagie actually was the first time I saw the commercial.  So I asked one of my Stepford Wife friends....

Me: "A hoagie is a sub, right?"

Stepford Wife: "What the hell is a sub?"

Me: "Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  A SUB.  Like a submarine sandwich.  Helllllo.....Subway?"

Stepford: (with a disgusted look on her face) "Um, no, we don't eat subs here.  They're gross.  We eat Hoagies."

Alllllrighty then.

Note to self: never call a hoagie a sub.  I'm afraid if I went into Wawa and asked for a sub sandwich, I might be shot.

Drivers.  I swear to GOD, you Philly people do not know the rules of the road and, if you DO, most of you choose not to follow them.  Now, the rules you're breaking aren't the ones that make you look cool, or like a fast driver or a smart driver.  These rules you're breaking just make you look stupid.

Just sayin.

The rule that's broken daily that irritates me the most (and it's totally bizarre considering that most Philly drivers are complete assholes) is they will stop traffic, LOTS of traffic, in order to let another car in.  Everyone here does it, no matter how fast the flow of traffic is going, no matter how many cars they have behind them.  If there's a car waiting to turn out of a random parking lot, you can bet your bridges that the first car that comes to it is going to come to a complete stop (in the middle of the street) to let them turn.  Drivers are SO used to being let in, in fact, that they will commonly pull out in front of you, even when you weren't planning on stopping (like me hehe).

I am going 40 miles an hour, you are at a full stop.  I am not stopping, because there is no reason to - wait your turn, freak!

 I've driven in a lot of cities/states, and all have their quirks: too slow (Oklahoma), too fast (California), unkept roads (midwest), drunk drivers at 9am (Vegas!), but I've never witnessed drivers just making up their own rules like they do here in Philly.

Here's the other broken rule that annoys me (and I think is totally unsafe).  Imagine you're trying to make a left-hand turn out of a parking lot, onto a busy two lane street.  Now imagine that a driver coming up in the street's turn lane (in the middle of the street).  The correct rule is that the driver IN THE STREET has the right of way, and should always turn first.  Always.  But noooooo, the street-turning driver will almost ALWAYS try to flag you around them from your spot in the parking lot.  So I'm supposed to pull out to turn left, while you're already in the fucking middle of the street, and somehow drive around your car into oncoming traffic?

Sorry fucktard, you're supposed to turn first, so get get the hell out of my way and turn.

I've tried the no thanks wave at them, "no thanks, you go!" but I found that my middle finger gets the point across much more efficiently.

Wow, that turned out to be quite the rant, didn't it lol?

I have a few more on my list to share but I'll save that for a future blog.  Next time: Scrapple, the Eagles football team, and beer...

1 comment:

Main Line Sportsman said...

Diners are an East Coast thing...some great ones here in Philly...great in Jersy, NY, Vermont..all over.

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