Monday, July 16, 2012

Conversations With DH

In case you didn't know, "DH" stands for Dear Husband in computer talk, or The Hubs as I like to call him.

The Hubs and I have a running joke, twelve years in the making, about how he questions almost everything I say.  And usually I'm right, yet he still disagrees with things I tell him.  When we first started dating (and fighting) he would proudly proclaim "you just made that up, didn't you!?"

Um, duuuuude, typically when I'm THIS insistent about something, I know what the fuck I'm talking about.  You've known me for fourteen years...have I ever lied to you?  Like..ever?


Yeah, that's what I thought.

Thankfully, I've broken him of the "you just made that up!" habit...only to get the "no it's not" answer instead.  OK, I can deal with that one, because I'll just prove him wrong eventually.  Hehe.

Our newest argument happened when we were in bed last week, watching Fight Club (for the millionth time) after the kiddos went to sleep.  Brad Pitt and Edward Norton, shirtless, psycho and punching the shit out of each other with their shirts off.

Did I mention they don't wear shirts?

I could watch it over and over -- and I think I'm quite respectful towards The Hubs by curbing my heavy breathing while I watch it, too.

(I admit that I broke the heavy-breathing rule last night when we were watching Eric hissing on True Blood.  But The Hubs, bless his heart, just responded with an "I understand, honey..."  I think he likes to see Eric hiss, too.)

Anyway, so we're in bed last week, watching Fight Club, and I casually mentioned something about how Brad Pitt's character isn't real, and what an amazing job the writers did tricking the audience into thinking he was a real dude.  This was The Hub's answer to my observation...

The Hubs: "What do you mean he's not real?  He's right there...he's real."

In my mind I'm thinking we go.  Round 527 of me trying to convince him of something.  Bring it, bitches!

Me: "No he's not.  Edward Norton's character goes crazy and creates him in his head.  He has multiple personality disorder (or Dissociative Identity Disorder for all you proper folk).  See, watch how the woman is confused at why Edward's asking why she's in his house...?  DUH?"

The Hubs: "No, he's real."

Me: "Oh fuck me.  Really?  You didn't know that?  That's the whole point of the movie!  The big twist at the end?  You really, really, really didn't know that?  How many times have we seen this movie?"

The Hubs: "Like 100.  I don't believe you.  He's real."

Then The Hubs turns to the nightstand, picks up his iPad and starts typing away...

Me: "You're going to look it up, aren't you?"

The Hubs: "Yep."

Me: "My answer's not enough for you?"

The Hubs: "Nope."  (as usual lol)

This is where I pretend to stay cool and confident (because I'm right, right?), while in my head I'm going in circles wondering if my shit's going to hold up on Wikipedia, because I know that's where he's going to look.

The Hubs: "I don't see anything about it."

Me: "Uh huh.  Let me look...."  (please baby Jesus...let me find something good...)

And, while I found an enormous amount of opinions, I didn't find anything concrete enough to satisfy The Hubs.  I'm sure he's tucked this into his back pocket to use in his next interrogation...

"I don't believe you, Tasha!  Remember when you weren't sure about Fight Club?"

Oh boy.

I'll just have to remind him about the first rule of Fight Club...

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