As y'all know, I have been busy trying to make friends here in Stepford Wife land. 2012 has been the best year yet; I've made more friends in the past few months than I did in the entire two previous years (thanks to the country club). I actually get some adult female interaction on a regular basis now, and I've even started to get invited to the group's outings -- and no longer as a charity case, but because they really want me there (at least that's what I'm telling myself). One of my new friends even dropped, not one, but two swear words at swim team practice today. I couldn't help but think "mama, I'm home!"
Anyway, I admit that texting has been extremely helpful with my new friends. We can slowly get to know each other without having to hang out and, as much as I loathe people who are constantly texting everywhere they go, I'm grateful for my little iPhone.
Let me give you an example. Read one of my recent text sessions with a new friend and you'll see why...
New Friend: Wanna come over tonight and watch The Bachelorette? My friend is, we usually do on Mondays. We eat and booz and forget what we watched.
Me: Damn, just got this. Next time. Drink one for me.
New Friend: It's OK if I didn't go to the right school or my shore house is in the wrong place. (this is a running joke between us because I told her the first thing women asked me when I moved to Stepford Wife Land is: what (private) school did my kids go to...and where my shore beach house was....uh huh)
Me: But you look hot and have a big diamond ring. And you made friends with the west coast hippie chick (that's me, duh).
New Friend: LOL speaking of my ring, a woman at a school party yesterday asked me if it was real. I was like, WHAT?! It's one thing to think it and another to say it out loud.
Me: Love it. That means hers is fucking fake. Classy.
New Friend: She showed me hers. Teensy. Not fake.
Me: Oh jealousy, then -- you must give better blow jobs.
New Friend: I knew I liked you.