As I mentioned in my last blog, I've been happily texting with my new friend fairly regularly...and the texts only get funnier. If this new friend is OK with it, I think I might make this an ongoing series.
Oh hell, who are we kidding. I don't give a fuck if she cares....I'm posting it anyway.
New Friend: So, last week while unpacking my son's camp things, I found my bra mixed in there. I died, wondering if it came out during 4 year old camp time. Yesterday, while getting dressed, my son asked me why I always wear one of those things. I told him it's a bra, it holds your boobies up. He said, "then why did you send it to swim camp with me???" So, yep, theres my answer. It came out in the 4 year old camp.
Me: Bow chica bow wow.
New Friend: Did you get the text about our cookout dates?
Me: Yes, I'll be gone ***** but any other Sunday works.
New Friend: K, we'll pick the one that you're not here for, then.
Me: Bitch after my own heart.
New Friend: Just kidding. Are you in the bathroom with a razor blade.
Me: Yeah, I'm shaving my eyebrows off. So I'll look smoking hot next time you sit by me at swim team practice.
New Friend: Can't wait...oh wait, we quit swim team (she didn't quit).
Me: I know where you live.
New Friend: Stalker.
New Friend: Peeps are gonna want my autograph. Ice ice baby for reelz.
Me: I'm more of an Ice Cube kinda girl than a Vanilla Ice one. Domino mother fucker.
New Friend: Oh youz straight out of Compton.
Me: Glad you know where I'm from.
New Friend: Tomorrow I'm going to pack KY jelly instead of sunscreen in my son's camp bag...
More b.s. (and the first word is bird)
1 day ago