Nope, I'm not dead. At least not yet.
Kids are back in school. BOTH of them. Full time. I can't believe I can say that! My life has taken such a drastic change in the last few months.
Mainly, I'm sane again.
Yeah, I admit it now that being a stay-home-mom is not as easy or as rewarding as I once imagined it before having kids. I see fellow moms on Facebook that show pictures of their "lazy Sunday snuggles" with their five (six, seven?) kiddos, or how they love baking cookies during the afternoon to enjoy in front of a warm fire while she and her kids practice their Japanese...and I all I can think is "really?"
I envy them.
Because I am totally not like that. *Sigh.*
It sounds wonderful, and those kids are so lucky to have their I-love-to-stay-home-and-bake mom. I suppose I was a *little* like that when my kids were babies. But now? I focus on getting through my work day, counting down the hours when the kids come home from school (aka the beginning of daily Armageddon) and then helping them with homework (and they get pissed at me for not just telling them the answers? sheesh), feeding them something (while they bitch about how it sucks) and then taking them to their various nightly activities.
I think I got a shower in there somewhere....
That said, I can honestly say that I have never enjoyed my children as much as I do right now.
For starters we can carry on a conversation together. They tell me about their day. We discuss politics, what's happening in the news, what to do about the ass wipe bully at school, what books to read next, challenging them to make choices for themselves...I love teaching my children about life. Love it. Baking cookies for them and spending the entire day/night with them, every single day? Ehhhh, not so much.
Usually it's me who eats most of the cookies anyway, especially since the cookies I bake have eyes and stare at me all day (swear to jesus), and eating them just makes my ass fat. So, kids! What would you rather have? No cookies, or cookies and a mom with a really big butt?
I bet they'd pick the cookies.
So god bless you moms who bake and adore staying home with your kids every day, truly. I wish I had a little more of you in me.
But with my kids both in school, it's made me realize how much I was trying to be the Beaver Cleaver mom, but am soooooo totally not. And, you know what? It feels good to let that go.
I like working. I like swear words, especially in combination. I like wine. And I love my kids and feel really lucky to be able raise them as best I can, while still allowing the "me" in and feeling OK about it.
Does anyone see the irony in this post and the title of my blog?
Maybe it's just me.