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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

What's Your Name Again?

I do not like my name. I never have. I was with my sister and her husband at Starbucks a few weeks ago and, after telling the coffee dude my name (he had to ask twice - what is it? TASHA, smart guy...ugghhhhh), I turned to my sis and asked:

Do you ever feel strange saying your own name? Like, it's almost uncomfortable?

Sister: Yes, kind of, I guess.

Her husband then turns to me and quickly nods his head in agreement. His name is Jeff. And, being the funny guy he is, when the coffee guy asked for his name, he casually said...

Paul.

So, when the coffee guy called out "Paul!" my sister and I couldn't help but giggle. I bet the coffee guy thought we were laughing at him....

I LOVE this idea of using a stage name.

To plead my case, let me give you a few examples of why my name annoys me.

- When I tell a stranger my name, I either get "Ohhh, my neighbor's dog is named Tasha! It's such a pretty name!"

Pretty enough for a dog. Uh huh.

- I thought that was a black girl's name?!

Did you seriously just say that to me?

- Before I got married, my middle name was Kay. Tasha Kay. Years back, I asked my mom...mom, why did you pick Kay? Is it a family name? Did you have a friend that you used to love and adore named Kay? Is one of your favorite authors named Kay?

You know what my mom's answer was?

Mom: No, it just sounded good.

That's it? No family significance? No loved ones? Just...sounded good?

Meh.

Here's another reason-

- I visit Panera often (I heart Panera). Once you've ordered, they ask for your name to call you when your food's ready. Most peoples' names are easily called when it's time....

"Dianne!"

"James!"

"Shaniquah!"

Then it's my turn....

"Asiago roast beef with chips!"

Aww shit, that's me.

So, from now on, I'm going to give strangers my "stage" name instead.

A name that no one will tell me their dog, cat, lizard or worm is named.

A name that everyone can pronounce....because Tasha is fucking hard, right?

Taushie?

Tisha?

Trisha?

Tara?

Mother effers.

Yes, I'm white.

Yes, I'm human.

And YES, that's my name and NO it's not short for something.

It's Tasha. Like Natasha...without the "Nah." Seriously, I've suggested this to people before.

I haven't decided what my stage name will be, but I'm open to suggestions. Preferrably something that won't make we want to kick someone's ass after I say it to them....

9 comments:

Lys said...

Hmmm... a good stage name - I'm going to have to think of a good one for you - right now the great name I have on my mind is Maura - but then people would spell it wrong or something. what about one of the gals from Mad Men - one of the ones that are no nonsense and non-stepford wifeish?

I hear ya re: the name thing - I detest my full name (Allyson) and if anyone calls me that, they get the look from hell treatment. I prefer Aly - at least that one I chose - and it wasn't after some cousin I barely remember.

Gretchen said...

You have NO IDEA how many German Shepherds are named Gretchen. I know this because people feel the need to tell me. I feel your pain.

Mrs. Jeremy said...

What?? You aren't black? Shit, all this time I thought you were my cool black friend. Daym. My hubs has the same problem and his name is Jeremy (for crying out loud!) He gets Germy, Jermy, Garemy. People are retards. But rarely do they misspell Stephanie. Really? Good grief.

Shanna said...

That's a little snapshot of my life. I have 2 friends that refer to me as Sha-nay-nay. Not cool. And, I've had to LIVE with a dog named Shanna. Again, not cool. I feel your pain!! I like the stage name idea, I need to find something appropriate - Princess Regina Banana Hammock??

Merrie said...

Oh god the dilemma of the name. I hear you!
My full name is Meredith, but I NEVER give that to people because I would have to repeat or spell or see "MeridETH" on the cup. So I say "Merrie" and they write "Mary." The other day it was "Marie." Really?

How about Jennifer? Or Amy? I can't see them effing that up as often. lol

PS I heart Tasha.

KT said...

I'm just short enough of having a real life to put time into thinking of a name for you.
How about TaFUCKINGsha?
That's all I've got.

Dedi said...

You seem like a fake Laurie to me. LOL.

If it makes you feel better Sbux can't get my name right to save their own lives, I've gotten Debbie and JD before, it's Dedi (DEE-DEE) I do enjoy seeing how many ways Dedi can be spelled differently when they actually get the name right.

As long as they don't fuck up my drink they can call me Bob for all I care. I'd likely respond to it...

Unknown said...

I love Tasha. I know another Tasha too. If people are having trouble with your name, they are seriously retarted. Please don't change it. Say it proudly and if they don't get it, make them feel retarded for not being able to understand such a simple name. It's not like your name is Shanaynayquah or anything!

Jill said...

Me: I'd like to place an order for pick up.

Them: your name?

Me: Jill

Them: Joe?

Me: No, Jill

Them: Joe

Me, Louder, Slower (as slow as you can say a one syllable name): JJJJJIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Them: Joe?

fuck it, i'm not hungry

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