Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Yard Wars

I've met most of my neighbors. It can be a tricky thing to meet the neighbors, mostly because our homes are on an acre each and it's a long walk to the next house....yuk yuk yuk!

OK not, really. The real reason is people here mostly stay to themselves. There are lots of retired folks near us and, although they will wave back at me if I wave to them, they usually just do their own thing. No problem.

Another thing I want to mention is in Philly, fences aren't a popular item in yards. No one has a fence! When we first moved here, I swear we saw people driving down the street, their heads out the window, while they proceeded to holler and whistle out the window for someone named "Sparky!" or "Chance!" I can only assume their dog ran away.

Um, well DUH. Call me crazy but, when you don't have a fence around your yard, your dog *might* run away.

Also remember that I came from Vegas...where the best plants were the cactus and the palm trees on the strip. I suck at growing and maintaining plants. I've never had a garden. I know how to water house plants...and sometimes not even that. So, when it comes to the yard, I claim ignorance (and I don't have any damn time to learn, either, so don't suggest it all you crazy garden people!)

So anyway, our yard also doesn't have fences, so we sort of share a yard with the neighbor next to us. They're an almost-retired couple. I've only met the woman once -- when she came over to introduce herself. I think I got two (maybe three) words in. She told me how she had a master's degree in horticulture, what prestigious college her kids attend (because I fucking care, right?), that my house needed a new roof and that the bamboo in my yard would eventually take over my entire grass area. Um, thanks?

Her yard is amazing. It has fountains, beautiful flowers, perfect dirt and she is out there working on the yard ALL.DAY.LONG. Every day. But can you blame her? She has a fucking master's in horticulture.

I'm out in the yard every day, too. But I'm relaxing on my patio, basking in the sun, playing Words for Friends while my kids scream and laugh on the Slip and Slide.

There are weeds growing at the edge of my yard.

The flowers I bought to pot are still in their original plastic containers.

I even killed my grass in the spot where the Slip and Slide was....tee hee oops.

And every day, I hear my beotch neighbor rustling around in her bushes, an occasional cough, a random spray of her hose.... I imagine her peeking through her flowers, glaring at me while I sit and lazily play on my phone....while my weeds grow and the bamboo takes OVAHHHH!

I even once heard her husband talking smack about our yard. Not sure if he knew I was on my patio or not, but either way, I don't care. My yard is actually very big and very lovely. Weeds and bamboo, too. I'm just waiting for The Hubs to hear something they say about it, because he's the type that would put the smack down and yell something (hugely profane) right back at them...while I hide my face and silently snicker

But let's save that for another blog. *wink wink* By the way, those pictures aren't really our yards.


Anthony said...

Not joking when I say this.. that back garage looks incredibly charming.

If I had one of those hot SLR cameras I would take tons-o-pics of it. Or of my kids playing in front of it.

gayle said...

omg you should see our yard! I do work in it "a tiny bit" and my husband has been so lazy lately so it looks terrible! I'm sure our neighboors (all 2 of them) probably talk about us!

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