My kids will find a reason to fight with each other no matter what the circumstances. Tonight I made the brave choice to sit them next to each other for dinner. Typically, I sit one at the counter and one at the table. Call me a shit mom but hey, it's what ensures a peaceful, indigestion-free dinner. But tonight, I was feeling like nothing could bother me! The kids were playing quite nicely while I was cooking dinner, so they should be able to sit next to each other for a meal, right?
Within two bites Jack was teasing Ava about her spoon. Ava got upset and started to whine and tattle. Ok no problem. I'll scoot Jack a little farther away.
Where's that wine I was drinking?
Then Ava starts to move her hands over to Jack's plate. Why? Who the fuck knows? Maybe because she wants to wipe the booger she just picked into his plate? Jack starts to object at her hands coming near....
This is where I start to pray to the wine gods and the ghosts of parents past.
I quietly try to decide on which kid to yell at while I'm stuffing spaghetti into my mouth, trying to get a few bites in before I start to feel like throwing up rather than eating. It's a freakin wonder I'm not skinny....
While I chew my bite, I scold Ava and tell her to keep her hands to herself and move her down to the table (we're all three on bar stools at the counter). Phew, should be cool now.
Then Ava starts to cry and whine that she doesn't "like" that seat. The seat? You've sat in that seat 100 other times...why cry now? Oh right. Just because.
So Jack catches on to Ava's game and slyly moves over to the seat she was sitting in at the counter -- just to piss her off.
For the LOVE. I've only had two bites of my own dinner and the two of them have already declared WW3.
Jack, move back to your old seat. Ava, be quiet and eat your spaghetti or else you'll get no dessert (this is a big deal for her right now, which makes for great bribery).
I'm going to go bang my head against the wall now kids, carry on.
Note to self: DONT let the kids eat dinner next to each other, no matter how nicely they play beforehand.
As I said, it's a freakin mystery why I'm not skinny....