Chris Brown does Michael Jackson?

What a great tribute to Michael Jackson. I love love love those songs and the dancing was incredible; it could have been Michael himself dancing up there! But Chris 'Beat Her Down' Brown crying so hard he couldn't manage to sing "Man in the Mirror" at the end of his set?

BOO HOO.

I feel such sadness for him - NOT.

So to protest, here's my open letter to Chris Beat-Her-Down Brown.

Dear Chris,

Grow some balls. I don't feel sorry for you at all. Cry to your mama, but sing the freakin song like you're suppose to. You could have pulled yourself together after the first few rifts...we get it - you're sad. But no, instead you decided to make a freaking spectacle and...Boohoo, everyone look at me! Look how sorry I am for beating the crap out of my girlfriend. Look at how sensitive I can be because I miss Michael Jackson.

Puuuuleeeeeez. Crock tears, baby. Here's a tissue. I'm going to go puke now.

Sincerely,

The Housewife

Bad Mom Moment #377

Jack, if you don't agree to get your hair cut tomorrow, I'm going to dye it blue and make you wear a tiara to your first day of 2nd grade.

Just sayin!

Philadelphia's Taste of the Nation - Update

I know I gave you a little preview of how the night went, but I'm finally going to share the whole shebang.

Take a deep breath, grab your slobber napkin and prepare to drool....ready?

Life's short...eat dessert first, right?

Yes, that really is a CAKE. And look, it even has the crack on the side.
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Cheesecakes of every flavor...peach, cherry, apple...be still my heart. The peach was my favorite.

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Is this dessert, you ask? No. Foie Gras with pickled cabbage. Yummy. I noticed there was quite a variety of foie gras offered at the event - it must be a favorite among Philly chefs. I loved it.

The oysters were a busy station all night. I was giggling with these guys trying to get a shot of them "in action." Thanks guys!

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Something I noticed about this event - the guests were awfully camera shy. I had to put on a really big smile..and sometimes even say pleasssssse? But my charm and eloquence (cough!) eventually encouraged them to come around.

Here are some of the beautiful people of Philadelphia...

One of my favorites below; Scallop Ceviche

Philly's Taste of the Nation Chef Chair, and Philadelphia’s own Jennifer Carroll, recent Bravo Top Chef finalist and chef at 10 Arts Bistro & Lounge by Eric Ripert, shows off her new Taste of the Nation chef coat.

And my favorite picture of the night? Chef Walter Staib from City Tavern pointing to himself. He was such a good sport - and funny, too! And his shrimp was to DIE for. So, thank you Chef Staib - delish.

Look! It's me!

It was a fun night full of interesting flavors, beautiful people and refreshing beverages. Congratulations to Share our Strength's Taste of the Nation for producing such a successful evening!

Can't wait for next year....

Best. Birthday Cake. Ever.

Best. Birthday.Cake. Ever.

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33 never looked so good.....

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But I don't think my 33 year old ass is going to be happy about this.

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Ahh, fuck it.

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It even tastes better than it looks.

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Now the question is, should I share it with my kids?
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Thanks to Doug's Cakes for the best cake evah!

(He even delivers)

Philadelphia's Taste of the Nation - Picture Preview

The hubs and I had a great time at last night's Taste of the Nation, 2010. Here's a little picture preview of what's to come. Stay tuned to The Housewife Diaries for a full update on the food, the people and everything in between!

Stellaaaaa!

Bad Mom Moment #549

I'm sorry, Ava, Mom can't bake cookies with you... because she will eat them all... while you're sleeping... and then her butt will get fat.

You'll just have to eat cookies over at your friends' houses instead.

Suck It Sunday

This week's Suck It Sunday is Father's-Day themed! Noooo, I'm not going to tell the father of my children to suck it...in case you were wondering. The father of my children, aka The Hubs, is an amazing, dedicated, fiercely protective father and I worship the ground he walks on.

I know he's going to read this and later come to me and say something like "You worship the ground I walk on? Well, can I get some of that worship in bed later tonight?"

Absolutely, honey. But only if you worship me first.

I bought The Hubs a few Father's Day goodies and wrapped them in bright, pink paper. It was the only "non-birthday" paper I had, and plus, it's not every day that a grown man gets presents wrapped in pretty pink paper. I wanted to make it *extra* special. You understand.

Ok, so back to the suck-it part. No, it's not The Hubs that I want to tell to suck it. It's my own father - my biological father. You see, he decided it would be a good idea to have an affair on my mother when I was four, divorce her, and then pick up and leave the state and disappear for all eternity when I was five.

I'm told the only thing he left in the house were the framed pictures he had of me. My mother walked through the empty house, and there were just randomly scattered pictures laying on the carpet throughout the house. Nice, dad. Thanks for the memory.

My extended family - his relatives - spent many years trying to get him to speak to me, updating him on my life - Tasha's turning seven, eight, nine...she's entering high school....whatever. Nothing worked. He chose not to speak to me or have any contact with my family. My letters came back unopened "return to sender".

When I was about 21 I finally got the hint and quit trying to contact him. But there was a lot of pain and feelings of abandonment involved in the process. During my entire childhood I had a strange feeling that something was missing in my heart, it's hard to explain but, that feeling's still there - even though I haven't seen my father in almost 30 years. Maybe I'll blog about that at some point.

He's still alive and living in Carson City, Nevada somewhere....I know you're asking yourself "Will she ever go find him?" The answer is no.

Sometimes on Father's Day, I'll sit back and reflect on what a douchebag my father is. I still don't know why he decided to leave, or why he chose not to have any contact with me, but I've come to peace with it.

He's a douchebag - that's why.

Oh yes, of course. Why didn't I realize that earlier?

So this week, I'd like to tell my biological father to SUCK IT. He's a pathetic, cheating, lying coward.

So suck it, father. Karma's a bitch.

My friends...will always be my friends

I've come to realize in recent years that I have an amazing group of girlfriends. Not just cool but a-m-a-z-i-n-g. How did I get so lucky? I dunno. Maybe it's because of all the smack talking I dish out to them - they just can't get enough abuse from me!

Just kidding.

Ok, not really.

Ok yes I am.

No I'm not.

Facebook, although totally annoying sometimes (and who knows why I need to reconnect with a dude I went to elementary school with in 1984 but, whatevs!) has been a huge help with getting in touch with friends I've lost touch with. One of them was one of my besties in high school. Let's call her "Sheila". We spent every waking moment together from 15 to 17, until we finished high school and went our separate ways. Ok.... to be honest, the main reason we didn't stay in touch was because I started hanging out with Sheila's boyfriend...without Sheila. The boyfriend and I never 'did' anything...but she found out we were spending time behind her back and, understandably, quit talking to me. We were 16, and I was a mess back then (and the boyfriend was a doosh). I wasn't a good friend, which is partly why I'm so grateful for what I have now - honest, loyal, thoughtful girlfriends.

So anyway, Sheila and I recently reconnected on Facebook. She's still in Colorado (where we grew up) and she's not of Facebook very much, but it's been wonderful seeing pictures of her, her husband and their daughters. We have yet to meet up in person - I haven't seen her since we were 17, and we don't talk online as much as I'd like. But this morning I got an email from Sheila and I literally laughed out loud when I read it.

Tasha,

I had to send you an email. You have been on my mind a ton lately. I have had these crazy dreams about you and then you pop up on my facebook and I never even get on that goddamn life suck. We haven't talked in 10 years (actually it's been more like 16, Sheila...but who's counting?) and now you're all over in my life.

I read your blog when I need some cheering up. You have always had a way of making me laugh even in the lowest of times. I just had to share with you that brightened my day. By the way, you come over to my house and we have a gun. Don't invite Shane the little pussy. (haha, nice, right?)

Now get out of my head you crazy bitch, you're making me nutty!

Love you,

"Sheila"

I love how she calls me a crazy bitch and then tells me she loves me. This just goes to show that the girlfriends I chose when I was 16 are about the same kind of girlfriends I stick to now - I love me some sarcastic, blunt, witty women. I'm thrilled that The Housewife Diaries brightened her day...I only wish I could brighten her day in person. Now I just need to convince her to come and visit me in Philly.

Speaking of amazing girlfriends, I still need to update you on my weekend with the Wolf Pack, don't I? I know my Vegas wolfie sisters are getting impatient with me, wanting me to post the stories of our adventures of running around Philly and Amish Country. I will. Soon. Pinkie swear!

Meeting the Parents

Music I'm Embarrassed to Love

This week's song takes me back to my bartending days when I was a size 6...and dancing on my bar and squirting drunk men with the soda gun was a way of life. Ahhhh, those were the days! This is one of those songs that I will play on a jukebox at my favorite dive bar, but will I ever admit that I actually like this song? Never! Enjoy, bitches!

"Cowboy" by Kid Rock

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Lexus Joyride Update, Take Two

Ok, I have been getting a lot, and I mean a lot of readers asking me to update on the dramz over our Lexus' transport, and how someone from the auto relocation company totally STOLE our car to joyride in it for 90 miles before returning it to us with an empty gas tank and a broken passenger-side mirror...and then tried to pretend that it didn't happen. Remember that? If you haven't heard that story yet, read it here to catch up and then come back. I've even gotten a few comments (on the blog and via email) from other "customers" that also had shady experiences with this same company. Innnnneresting, wouldn't you say?

So here's the update. We submitted our claim for $1347.87.

Damaged mirror & parts: $803.13

Labor: $169.95

Tire replacement, balance & labor: $272.00

Total cost of the claim: $1319.72

Half a tank of gas, plus refueling to get the car to drive again: $28.15

Total: $1347.87

I think we waited a few days, I can't remember exactly how many it took for them to reply. But I'll give you five bucks if you can guess what they said...

Have a guess?

Ok, I won't give you five bucks but, I will tell you that they freakin DENIED our entire claim.

The whole thing. They said that we must have made a mistake about the mileage...and that the gas gauge can look different when the car has been jostled around....and that nails can get into a tire at any time and aren't covered in the transport package....

Uh huh.

Are you flip flopping kidding me? I was furious when I read the email. They did offer to pay for the mirror, since they "called ahead" to tell us that it had been damaged by a "hose".

So, let's review. An empty gas tank, 90 additional miles and two nails in the tire...those weren't affiliated with the broken mirror. Those were just a coincidence, right? Riiiiiight! God, how naive of us! Of course... we must not have taken the "how full is your gas tank?" class in driver's education. Because you know people can easily think the tank's half full...when it's really empty, right? Especially when it's a 2008 Lexus with no issues.

Anyway.

I encouraged the hubby to threaten them with a lawyer and his (very large and prestigious) company's backing. Which he did. Lucky for us, it worked and they backed down. They agreed to pay the costs - all of them - but still refused to take on any blame. They agreed to pay to keep themselves in good standing with us.

That's freakin hysterical if you ask me.

Good standing? Sure! If you live in Liars and Cheaters Land. I think I dated a dude from that land once or twice...

Anyway, the fuckers denied the claim, but we got what we wanted in the end - the cash it took to fix what they damaged. I'm still amazed that such a shady company is allowed to stay in business. Remember that the hubs and I didn't hire them ourselves - they were hired through my husband's company! And we still got the Liars and Cheaters treatment. Anyone who knows my husband and me knows that we are honest people - we don't need to lie and steal our way into an extra $1300. This shit really happened, and we're not stupid.

The bonus prize is that we will never know when it was taken, or where, or what happened inside the car (eww). All we can do is move forward, and make sure that everyone we know never....ever....uses them to transport their car across the United States.

Shah!

Taste of the Nation, Philadelphia

Attention foodies! I'm thrilled to share that I've been invited to cover one of the very best food events of the year - Taste of the Nation Philadelphia, produced by Share Our Strength. I'm can't wait - it's going to be such a fabulous party! Remember I covered last year's Taste of the Nation in Las Vegas, so I'm curious to see how the two differ - East vs West. Can you believe they let me come back!? Yuk yuk yuk!

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I'm positive it will be scrumdiliumptious. So if you're in Philly and want to mingle with other Philly foodies - all for a great cause - grab your tickets now...and I'll see you there!

Stay tuned to The Housewife Diaries for my full review of the food, the people and everything in between.

Check out the deets:

Share Our Strength's Taste of the Nation invites you to savor the finest food, spirits and wines. Mingle with the nation's hottest chefs and mixologists — all of whom are coming together to donate their time, talent and passion to end childhood hunger across America.

In Philly, join Chef Chair Jennifer Carroll, chef de cuisine at 10 Arts Bistro & Lounge by Eric Ripert, and our Mixologist Chair Phoebe Esmon of Chick’s Café and Wine Bar, along with over 40 of the city’s finest restaurants and mixologists as they come together to help end childhood hunger. Additionally, the event will feature silent and live auctions, so don’t miss the opportunity to bid on unique chef experiences and one-of-a-kind gifts!

100% of ticket sales supports Share Our Strength's efforts to end childhood hunger.

Taste of the Nation Philadelphia
June 21, 2010
5:30 - 9:30 PM VIP Admission
6:30 - 9:30 PM General Admission
Loews Philadelphia Hotel
1200 Market Street
Philadelphia, PA 19107

TICKETS AND EVENT DETAILS
VIP Admission $125
5:30 - 9:30 PM
General Admission $85
6:30 - 9:30 PM

Conversations With Ava

Here I am! Been busy but things are sort of slowing down again. Just wanted to spout off a few funny things that have happened lately...

I think I've started to get used to my neighborhood. I've been recognized by the post office lady and the liquor store dudes. You know you've made it when post office officials and liquor store people notice you!

I think you'll like this story about my precious, Ava. She's so freakin funny I can hardly stand it. She'd be even funnier if she didn't talk 24-7 but hey, we can't have it all, right? So she's really been into music lately - she's a total singer. I play a song from the mid 90s called Sleeping Satellite...old folks, you'll remember this song. Anyway, this is one of Ava's favorites right now - I think mostly because it's sung by a woman...Ava doesn't like "man" songs. This will be funnier after you finish reading this.

There's a line in the song that goes "where the eagles fly!"

I don't know where Ava came up with this, but she's been calling any type of bird a "cock". I keep trying to explain to her that a cock is a chicken (right?), and that other birds have different names. But no, she calls every bird a cock.

Alrighty then. Do you see where this is going?

Back to the song. She hears the line about the eagles flying...

Eagle = bird

Bird = cock

Uh huh.

When Ava wants to hear this song, she says "Mom, I wanna hear the cock song."

Excuse me... what?

"MOM! I wanna hear that cock song...you know!?"

The cock song? Oh dear lord. I'm a tad bit shocked, but trying my best not to bust out laughing - mostly because Ava would then ask me WHY I was laughing. Um, grown up joke, darling.

I'll tell you when you're 21.

Play the cock song, mom!

Cool! Let me go get my iPod....