Kids do the darndest things

My kids constantly mess with me and it drives me nuts.

Ava! Stop sticking your finger in my freaking ear! Jack....seriously, don't pinch me anymore. Ow, you're pulling my hair. Why are you stepping on my toes? If you're going to hold my hand, stopping pulling on it and just WALK.

"Why?" He says.

Because it's freakin annoying, that's why. Stop pulling and stop asking why. What is it with kids? Why do they have to be so wiggly and jiggly and constantly poke, scratch, lick, spit or try to pick my nose? Ugh. Get OFF, already!

Children, I love you with all my heart and I would be happy to snuggle, hug, sing, laugh or tickle with you but, for fuck's sake, quit sticking your dirty, sticky, smelly fingers all over me. Personal bubble, hello! Stay out of mom's personal bubble space or else mom is going to move to Antarctica to live by herself. A polar bear may eat me, but at least he won't stick his finger in my freakin ear before he does it!

Music I'm Embarrassed to Love

Another cheeseball song for this week. Don't you love this song? Reminds me of driving to cute boys' houses with my friends in high school. This is almost as (maybe more?) embarrassing as the Boys II Men song I put up a few weeks ago. This is one of those songs that, if I played it in front of the hubby, he'd say something like "WHAT is this shit?"

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Heehee.

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So enjoy it and try not to throw up!

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"Comforter" by Shai, circ 1992

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I'm back! Did ya miss me?

I'm back from Tulsa. Phew! You guys, I am SO tired I feel like I'm sleepwalking today. It was a busy, crazy trip...but we had so much fun. The family and I got stuck at the Atlanta airport yesterday for FOUR hours between planes, and then we didn't get home until after 9pm...um yea, that was fun.

Not.

But now we're back home safe in Philly....and something I noticed right when we got back....people here are NOT friendly like they are in Tulsa. Or as the locals like to call it, T-town. In Tulsa, people are SO freakin nice. I chatted with the rental car guy there - did you know he's having a baby in five months? He's naming her Sophia. Or the woman that opened the door (and actually held it) for my kids AND me at the grocery store...? Tulsa people are as sweet as apple pie.

And Philly people are so...not.

Let me give you an example.

We were in a traffic jam in Tulsa on Saturday (which hardly never happens - a traffic "jam" in T-town is four cars or so and you won't even have to come to a complete stop). A Philly traffic jam takes you three hours (and lots of swear words later) to get out of.

Anyway, so the hubs and I are in a jam in T-town, and a woman in a car one lane over decides she wants to merge into our lane. Well, instead of pulling forward and using a blinker (like a freakin normal driver), she decided to STOP in the middle of the lane and just sit there. Cars are backed up....the other lane keeps on going and doesn't let her in (although maybe if she had her blinker on someone would've let her in, duh). So she's stopped in the middle of the road, and the cars behind her are just patiently waiting. Waiting! No honks, no shaking hands out the window...no "go woman!" angry shouts....nothing! I was kind of in awe and saying something like "what the fuck is she doing!?" to the hubs.

Now, if this would have happened in Philly....(giggle)....there would have most certainly been at least one fist fight in the middle of the street. Maybe two. The car horns would have been constant. Maybe even a middle finger...or five.

The point is, that shit would never go down on the Philly roads. Because Philly people are kinda....assholes. Yea, there. I said it.

No offense to you Philly peeps. I'm one now, too, so I guess I'm guilty by association. Do y'all have an asshole class I could take? Maybe that would help.

Do you like how I said y'all? I thought that was a nice touch.

But hell, it sure was nice to have a few days of friendly, patient, horse-lovin, pickup-truck-drivin, funny-talkin folks to hang out with! I love Tulsa! Yeehaw!

More on my weekend in T-town later, and stay tuned for the full blog on how my week went with the Wolf Pack. Chow for now. I'm going to go unpack and try to get back into the swing.

I'm off to Tulsa!

I'm off to Tulsa for my sister-in-law's wedding. Picture it...big hair, lots of makeup, good food and drinks, and lots of family with southern drawls!

Cant wait!

I'm still recuperating from my weekend with the Wolf Pack (aka my Vegas BFFs). I'll tell you all about it when I get back- booz, food, matching t-shirts, laughing so hard we almost puked...you get the idea. It was FUN! And this housewife desperately needed that. Thanks, Wolfies! Stay tuned for a full update next week.

Here's a little picture preview...








Funny story about this last picture...I took the wolfie sisters to my favorite neighborhood bar the first night. Once word got around that we were Las Vegas Housewives...it was like we turned into the bar's circus freak show. We kept getting (in a drunken slur) "you guys are from Vegas?"

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Ahroooo!

Philadelphia Red Cross Walk/Run Picture Preview

I had a great time covering the Philly Red Cross Walk/Run yesterday, and I think everyone else did, too! I got some fabulous pictures of the event and I'll be sharing them within the next few days. I'm extremely proud to have been a part of it!

Below are few of my favorite pictures from the afternoon.

UPDATE! To see ALL the pictures I took, visit the Philadelphia Red Cross 2010 Run + Walk Flickr Page. I think they turned out great...go me!

8th annual Red Cross Walk and Run

Hey all you Pennsylvania peeps! Want to meet me and walk or run a 5K for a good cause?

Click here for PICTURES OF THE 2010 PHILADELPHIA RED CROSS WALK/RUN!

The Red Cross is hosting the 8th annual Red Cross Walk and Run this Saturday at Memorial Hall in Fairmount Park. You can even run with your doggies! Same-day registration begins at 7:00 am. The race starts promptly at 8:3am rain or shine.

The Red Cross has graciously asked me to be a part of the event by taking pictures for them in the ModSpace Photo Booth! How cool is that?

ModSpace Photo Booth:
Get your picture taken inside the ModSpace Photo Booth near the Start/Finish line. Smile with friends, family and co-workers in the ModSpace modular building. Photos will be posted online after the event courtesy of...me.

There should be plenty of prizes, food, music and fun...so don't miss out. And come and say hello to me in the Photo Booth! Because I'd love to meet you. Can't wait for Saturday!

For more info, visit the Red Cross' walk/run Event Details page.

See you there - and stay tuned to The Housewife Diaries for a full review on how my day went!

Deep Thoughts

Do you feel like you and your significant other were "meant" to be together? Soul mates?

I have never doubted that my husband (aka DH) and I were meant to end up together. Some day, I'll get into all the weird coincidences we have - including that my husband and my (extremely) estranged father were born at the same hospital in Tulsa, OK, 20 years apart. Until the hubs and I got engaged...I'd never even been to Tulsa.

Anyway, the hubs and I are proud of our ten years together (and friends for 12!).

When you've been together that long, you can pretty much read the other person like a book. For example:

-Yesterday I forgot my phone at home while I went shopping. I got home, and DH looks at me and asks "Did you get my text?" Just from the look on his face, I could tell it was a "booty call" text. Um, nope, I didn't get your text, honey, but after seeing the look on your face I know exactly what it says. He's still surprised that I can do that. Um duh! "Am I that predictable?" he asks. Ummmm, yep. Not a bad thing, though, babe.

-Last week he happily watched Romy & Michele's High School Reunion with me...and even laughed at the same parts I did. Now that's devotion, people.

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Do you have allergies? I do. Evidently they're worse here than they were in Las Vegas. Ugh. My eyes are so red and scratchy I've had the perpetual urge to scratch them out of my head. I feel like I've been walking around looking like I'm stoned. And that I've been crying.

A crying stoner. Sweet.

Even the hubs mentioned it.

Him: "What's wrong with you?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Him: "Your eyes look like shit."

Me: "Gee, thanks."

Him: "No, really. They're all red."

Me: "No shit, Sherlock. It's called allergies."

Him: "Ohh."

He doesn't get allergies. The dude never even gets a cold. I think I've seen him sick maybe three times in the past ten years. So when my eyes get red and I start sneezing, it doesn't even occur to him that it's allergy season. Earlier today I was watching our landscapers mow our huge lawn and I almost had a psychosomatic allergy attack right there. Seriously, I don't know how they breathe. Grass, weeds and shit was flying everywhere.

Ah choo! Pass the tissues!

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Two of my favorite Vegas gal pals are coming to visit me this weekend. EEEE! We plan to spend our days sightseeing, relaxing, giggling, stuffing our faces and getting drunk off sweet tea vodka and lemonade.

Sounds pretty fun, right? The hubs has been traveling A LOT lately so he's already agreed to keep the kiddos occupied so I can have a four-day-long time out.

Sorry kids, ask your dad! Mommy's having a four-day time out!

Stay tuned because I plan to blog the Vegas gal pals' entire visit. And if you know me at all, you know that the weekend definitely won't be boring...I'll have plenty of shit to talk about. (insert devilish laugh here)

Neighborhood Colors

I was driving around my neighborhood today enjoying the lush greenery that is slowly coming out of hiding after a long winter. A Pennsylvania spring looks exactly like I pictured it...except prettier. I try to explore a few new streets a week - it helps me get a better idea of my surroundings. It can get really frustrating not knowing anything about where you live and what's nearby. The first few weeks after we moved here it was fun. "Hey, let's go find a mini mall!". Nowadays, it's more like "Dammit, where's the Target? Where's a freakin Starbucks when you need it?"

I'm so impressed with the beauty of this place, I took my camera along with me today so I could share it with you. Remember - these are quick shots. Meaning I pulled over, rolled my car window down and snapped a picture quickly before the homeowners had a chance to notice me. Then, I'd squeal off , trying to look innocent, and not guilty for taking a picture (of their property). Heehee...I'm such a villain!

Don't you love when some strange person (with out-of-state license plates, mind you) starts driving around taking pictures of your neighborhood?

Yea, me too. Creepy, right? So today I was the creepy, neighborhood picture taker from Nevada.

And then there was my favorite flower of them all in the backseat of my car. I even got to take her home with me...

Music I'm Embarrassed to Love

Welcome to this week's Music I'm Embarrassed to Love! Want to hear more? Check out the tab on the left-side panel for other craptastic songs.

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I loved this song from the first moment I laid ears on it. I especially love the "Daym, girl!" part. Even though this song is totally ridiculous and moderately offensive...and the video is DIRTY (dang, do I sound old and cranky or what?), I still love the song. It's one of those private, never-let-the-kids-hear-this-bullshit kind of song. It's great to run and or dance to! I know all my Vegas bitches would agree with me.

Daym, girl!

David Guetta featuring Akon - "Sexy Bitch"



Have your own? Add it to Mister Linky!

Suck-It Sunday

Welcome to Suck-It Sunday! For more Suck-It fun, check out the tab on the left.

This week's Suck-It Sunday is about BAD service at restaurants. I know everyone has had a bad experience at a restaurant, so let the Suck Its roll!

A few weekends ago, the hubs and I took the kids to a charming town called Skippack Village. It's tourist central - antique shopping, lots of cafe-type restaurants, and friendly locals. Love this place!

Anyway, so we decided to eat at a little restaurant called the Back Porch Cafe. The ambiance was great - little tables scattered outside under a big, wispy tree. Service started out attentive. We ordered our food - the hubs ordered a burger and I ordered the tuna salad (Ahi Tuna...not canned). The place was about 1/4 full...so maybe five other tables? We waited about 25 minutes for our food, and when it came out it was very disappointing.

Ok, seriously? It was gross.

I ordered my tuna medium rare. It came out well done. And if you're familiar with Ahi Tuna, it should be rare...not well. The lettuce underneath the tuna was wilted, soggy and slimy. Eww. I couldn't pay myself to eat it - and I am not a picky foodie. I eat almost anything. The hubby's burger, he discovered, was a frozen piece of meat and wasn't even fresh ground beef. (He knows this because he's 10+ years into the food distribution biz) A "concession stand burger" is what he compared it to.

So we choked down as much as we could but, were so disappointed that the hubby decided to speak up about it. Typically, we don't. This is kind of how it went:

Server: How was everything?

Hubby: Actually, it was pretty bad. My wife's salad was soggy and the tuna was terrible.

Server: Well, when you ask for Ahi well done, it dries it out.

Me: I ordered it medium RARE. (you stupid moron)

Server: (she looks down at my tuna, mouth drops open...no words come out)

Uh huh.

Me: And you see the lettuce...?

Server: Yeah. (frown)

Hubby: And you gave me a frozen burger?

Server: No, we make everything fresh here.

Hubby: No, this is a frozen burger.

Server: No, it's not.

Hubby: Yes, it is.

Server: No, it's not. We make everything fresh here.

Alrighty then. You see this is going nowhere.

Server: I'll get the owner to come out and talk to you guys.

She takes our plates away. We sit there. She comes back with our check and cheerfully says "I'll take that whenever you're ready" and walks away. The hubs and I sort of stare at each other in shocked amazement.

No apology.

No discounts.

No owner.

Ummmm, yeah.

I looked on our check (with no discounts) and notice the order says MR under my salad. MR = Medium Rare. This is where my finger comes out....Oh no she di-int!

I chased her back to the kitchen - back to the line, while my husband witnessed their "cook" bringing back boxes of food to the kitchen with a cigarette in his mouth.

Nice.

So, in the end, we got them to admit that, yes, they use frozen, cheap meat. We got the cook to admit he was carrying food with a smoke in his lips, and we got them to admit that they fucked up the Ahi Tuna.

Any discounts? Nope.

Any apology? Nope.

Did I pay my bill. Yep.

Would I recommend the Back Porch Cafe in Skippack? HELL no.

I've been joking with the hubs, calling it the "Back DOOR Cafe"...because their food tastes like ASS.

So Back Door Cafe - you can SUCK IT. Your food sucks. Your employees suck. And most of all, your owner sucks.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

TGIF!

Holy shitballs it's been a crazy few weeks. Bring on the Sweet Tea Vodka! If you hadn't noticed I've been scarce recently. I've had so much going on and April is only going to get crazier.

By the way, happy April! Can you believe it's April? I can't. I was counting back when the hubs and I first traveled to Philly to see if we liked the area...that was FIVE months ago.

Wow.

Anyway, after one hell of a winter, spring has finally decided to make an appearance around here in the beautiful, eastern suburbs of Philadelphia. Lookie-

Afternoon rain drops glistening in the sun.

That's my yard! Look how green the grass is getting...gorgeous!

Daffodils are everywhere here. So pretty.

I just dropped my mom off after a week-long visit. The best part of her visit? We didn't try to kill each other even one time. Ok, that was a joke...kind of. See, my mom and I are very close but, put us in the same room for more than 24 hours and shit could *possibly* hit the fan. Luckily, as we've aged, we've gotten better about not starting crap with the other. And I've learned that, as long as I keep my mouth shut, things run fine. Nice, right?

I just complain to my husband later.

That's what husbands are there for, right? Me loves ya, honey!

Here's a few of my favorite pictures from this week-

Look! We're even smiling! Look at me "posing". Nice. I'm such a loser.

So even though my mom drives me nuts sometimes, I've been feeling especially lonely and isolated for the past few weeks so I was grateful to see her and get some quality "girl" time. I'm so happy she made the trip out from California (from "sea to shining sea" as she put it).

Also, I have some very exciting news to share soon. Stay tuned for that and a funny Suck It Sunday!