Monday, October 11, 2010

My Daughter Has Turned Into Satan

I used to have a daughter who was sweet, easy going, funny as all heck and had the most charming personality I've ever seen a four-year-old possess.

Then she turned into Satan. I dont know exactly when shit hit the parental fan, but the shit's been flying all over my house for a few weeks now.

Now I have a daughter who whines, screams, scratches, kicks and bites and has the balls to - not only hit her older brother - but hit ME, too. The first time she hit me I was so stunned I think I just stood there in shock.

I will gently tell her "No Ava, you cannot have another cookie." And within half a second she has thrown herself on the floor and is writhing, kicking, screaming and wailing like a possessed animal with Satan himself inside of her. The noises that come out of that girl's mouth are mind boggling.

Ava had a tantrum the other day and The Hubs and I just stared at each other in disbelief with our jaws hanging open. What? Who is this child? Where did Ava go? Who is this spawn of Satan? She's almost five...she's never thrown tantrums like this...ever.

Until now.

The worst thing she's ever done in her life is pick on our cat. Now? She bites. She scratches. She kicks. She makes dying animal sounds that would scare any random neighbor that might come to the door. "Oh that noise? Oh, no, we're not watching The Exorcist, that's just my daughter...she's mad...don't mind her..."

She used to play jokes. And giggle. And sing. And charm anyone who spoke to her.

Now I'm lucky if I get a "yes, mom" instead of a "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Oh dear God.

Don't you love it when your kids pull that crap out in public? It's like you want to be firm, but you know others are watching you. So you go back and forth in your head between wanting to punch a wall vs smiling and acting like the perfect, patient mother? At least I do.

"Now Ava honey, you know it's not ok to act like that..." All the while, I'm wishing I could throw up, slap my forehead and scream "WHY ME!!!??"

I thought I'd gotten lucky with Ava. She was my easy-going child.

Ummmmm, nope. Nice try, Tasha.


Jill said...

Ava, meet my daughter Lainey. She could be your twin. Commiserating with you. Yes, there are times my kids drive me to drink. ugh. Cheers!

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

Oh no! I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop with mine, and she's barely a year yet! Right now she's pretty easy-going, loves to be out places, eats anything and everything. I'm just dreading that she'll turn into Satan any day now. At least you made it 4 years, right? I'm going to appreciate every second, I guess.

The Mom Jen said...

Triplet! LOL. Kendall skipped the terrible twos and threes and hit the facking freak-out fours!

Grayson LP said...

I like to think this is some sort of payback for how you treated me when I was a little boy.

Innocent, precious little boy. Seven years younger. Nice, quiet little boy that respected you and your friends, and just waited to be given some morsel of attention.

Love you sis.

P.S. Still think it's a revenge thing. I Love the universe.

Lizz Aubrey said...

Don't give in to the madness! Ignore the tatrums (obviously not in a public place) She'll realize it doesn't get your attention and it'll phase out. :)

Tasha said...


Good thing you are not here because I would totally KICK YOUR ASS! "Innocent, sweet, precious!?"

Um excuse me while I puke. :P I spent my summers sneaking out or babysitting you, silly boy! You're lucky I love ya so much.

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