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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Deep Thoughts

Do you have those days where you look at your body in the mirror and decide that you don't look too bad, and those thighs look pretty firm...

And then the very next day you look again and feel like a fat turd?

Today's one of those fat turd days for me.

How can we swing from one extreme to the other in just 24 hours? Why do my eyes trick me into thinking I might have actually lost a pound or two...until I go to try on my pants and...well, it's fat turd time! Tasha! Break it downnnn!

Or how can I bust my ass at Zumba for two weeks, eat well (high protein, low carbs, no sweets, no soda, no beer) and still gain weight?

And why did I have to be blessed with pale, Irish skin when pale skin just makes me look more like a fat turd and less like a skinny, shapely woman? Why does being tan make me look thinner? I think I've made the tan-in-a-bottle makers very, very rich. I've tried a spray tan, too, and it was ok. But knowing me, I'll eventually fuck it up one day and come out as orange as a Sesame Street monster.

I guess I'm just having a lonely, grumpy, fat turd kind of day. So my question to you is, what do you do to cheer yourself up...when you're having a turd kind of day?

10 comments:

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

I have felt the exact same way! I thought it was just me!

I'm really pale too. I don't even try self tanners or anything. I have tried lotions that give a person a little "color," and they work ok, but out in the sun I still look as pale as a ghost.

dirtyduck said...

with you on being tan, it helps everything!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I know that feeling all too well!

Here's what I do: 1) Go to Ross Dress-for-Less and buy a sleazy little top for $7.99, 2) Buy some new lipstick, 3) Eat a vat of mocha almond fudge ice cream. If all else fails, I go online and look at a picture of Rosie O'Donnell.

OMG THAT WAS SO MEAN! PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I'M NOT REALLY THAT SHALLOW.

Or maybe I am...

KT said...

Um..... well.... my first thought on seeing the words "Deep Thoughts" went straight to.... I thought this was going to be about SEX. :) I apparently have a dirty mind. On fat days to cheer myself up I remember that I am smack dab in the middle and that is OK with me!

Mrs. Jeremy said...

Drink, duh! Martini's make everything betta.
I got a spray tan once, I told her to go really dark. I thought it looked great, hubs thought I looked like an orange. Sigh.

Nicole said...

Yes, a tan always helps out. Now if we could just endure laying out in the blistering heat like we did when we were teenagers!! I just cant do it. Way too fucking hot and my kids wouldnt allow it anyway :) They ALWAYS need something........

Valerie {Next to Heaven} said...

I'm on the fat turd train lately and it effing sucks.

When I'm feeling unusually sulky I usually drink wine...which doesn't help matters, but it does make me feel better. Or more or less go to sleep and then I can't think about being a fat turd.

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

I have this hour to hour! I usually cry...or try on the pants I wore home from the hospital after having my baby. They're ginormous! It's the little things. OOh, also there's this bar near me where super uggos hang out, then I feel purty!

Closer to Lucy said...

As a pale porcelain turd myself, I drink a bottle of wine and eat cake, perks me up everytime.

TTownDiva said...

Valium and wine. Ok seriously, lower your salt intake and take a diuretic or two. It helps. Keep in mind, soda is very high in sodium, so that includes staying away from diet sodas. I've already gained ten of the eighteen pounds I lost for my wedding back, so it's back to the gym for me. Bleh~! PS you are gorgeous!!!!!!

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