My kids constantly mess with me and it drives me nuts.
Ava! Stop sticking your finger in my freaking ear! Jack....seriously, don't pinch me anymore. Ow, you're pulling my hair. Why are you stepping on my toes? If you're going to hold my hand, stopping pulling on it and just WALK.
"Why?" He says.
Because it's freakin annoying, that's why. Stop pulling and stop asking why. What is it with kids? Why do they have to be so wiggly and jiggly and constantly poke, scratch, lick, spit or try to pick my nose? Ugh. Get OFF, already!
Children, I love you with all my heart and I would be happy to snuggle, hug, sing, laugh or tickle with you but, for fuck's sake, quit sticking your dirty, sticky, smelly fingers all over me. Personal bubble, hello! Stay out of mom's personal bubble space or else mom is going to move to Antarctica to live by herself. A polar bear may eat me, but at least he won't stick his finger in my freakin ear before he does it!