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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Songs Drunk People Love

As most of you know, I was a bartender for six years. Before I became a bartender (I started pouring 3 days after I turned 21 to be exact) I had been in the restaurant biz since I was 16. I liked people, it was good money, I found that I was really good at it...and having a hot, 20-something body helped, too.

Anyway, so after years of bartending, I got to know the songs that drunk people liked to listen to. Partly from the music played on the jukebox, partly from the times the drunks would randomly break out into song, partly from all the karaoke nights I had to be tortured with during my shifts.

Here are some of my favorite drunk songs:

-Sublime's "Santeria". Dear God. This song was very cool and fun when it first came out in 1996, but, sweet bearded Jesus, I've heard it 10,000 times too many. This song gets played at every... single... fucking... dive bar... in existence... at least ten times a day. I don't need to hear how he has a dalmatian and can still get high... ANY more!

-Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl". What is it with drunk chicks liking this song? Every bar I've worked has played this song regularly and, whenever it would come on, every single woman in the place would get up and start singing at the top of her lungs....while the dudes would just sit back and smirk. Yeah, they're gettin laid tonight. Sigh. Is it last call yet?

-Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes". Ok, so this is the song that boyfriends would play for their girlfriends, to show that they were "sensitive". Oh please. Too bad the bartender could see right through their bullshit. But did I tell on boys? Nope...I just offered their girl another shot - on me! Yuk yuk yuk! I wouldn't be the one holding their hair when they were barfing an hour later - I'd be the one collecting the tips for treating their girl nice.....thank you very much......

-Eric Clapton's "Cocaine". Uh huh. Need I say more?

-Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy". Um dude, you're not sexy. You're drunk and spitting in my face. Move along.

-Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive". I hate this song. Ladies, if you care at all about your reputation, DON'T sing this song. People will remember it and hold it against for the rest of your life.

So that's my starter list. Anyone have any songs they'd like to add?

-

9 comments:

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Okay, I'm from Podunk so bear with me ... but at the bars I went to when I was still frequenting bars, there was always The Cha-Cha Slide or some variant. Is this all bars or just the stupid ones?

dirtyduck said...

"Anyway, so after years of bartending, I got to know the songs that drunk people liked to listen to"

made me smile:)
boo for people that get sloppy, yay for you capitalizing on it!

september said...

I bartended summers my last two years of college. When looking at my list keep in mind that this was in Texas.

* Friends in Low Places
* Earl Must Die
* Sweet Caroline
* Play that Funky Music White Boy

NucMEd is Hot said...

you made me need a drink... I LOVE Santeria!

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

And if you're in the south it's Sweet Home Alabama, Dixieland Delight, and Mustang Sally... or maybe this is just because I go to dive bars here ;)

Ugh - I can't STAND brown eyed girl.

shenanagins said...

I'm so guilty of the "brown eyed girl" thing.. :)

Hmmm... Sweet Caroline, definitely
Shook Me All Night Long by ACDC
Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard
Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N Roses.
oh and "BABY GOT BACK"!!! That's a good one for the guys!

Ok, I'll stop - don't want to get labeled! :)

Jill said...

Dude...

Buck Cherry's "Crazy Bitch"

ENOUGH ALREADY!

Mommeee said...

David Allen Coe "You Never Even Called Me by My Name"

Let me! Let me! Let me...never hear that song again!

amothershood said...

After watching 27 Dresses a thousand times, I'd have to add Elton John's "Benny and the Jets."

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