Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Deep Thoughts

Don't you love how your voice sounds when you've got a cold? You know, when your nose is so stuffed up it feels like your eyeballs are going to suddenly burst out of your head?

And then there's the extremely intelligent people who hear you speak and then politely ask "are you sick?"

No, you stupid moron. I just like to talk out of my nose. Doesn't everyone? Yes, I'm sick. Thanks for asking. Can I cough on you now?

As I said yesterday, my precious daughter handed this cold over to me. She's been pretty sick, too. Her nose is even runnier than mine, and I've had to beg her to blow her nose every ten minutes....cause we all know how much kids loooove to blow their noses, don't we moms?

That was sarcasm, by the way.

So I hold a tissue over her face and finally get Ava to blow, but instead of blowing into the Kleenex, she blows her snot all over my hand. (shudder, gag, shudder) How do kids do that? Does she have a little snot steering wheel up her nose?

Tissue? Nah!

Hand? Definitely!

I hate snot. I can stand pee, puke, poo and the random shit I find in my son's hair, but there's something about boogers that makes me want to heave.

So there I am, dry gagging, holding a dry tissue with my hand covered in snot...while my daughter carelessly shuffles away.

Can someone get me a barf bag?

And some soap and water?

And some hand sanitiser?

Being sick with your kids is the best. I wonder if a martini and some Mucinex would make me feel better...


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Anonymous said...

Okay, maybe you can't cook but you are damn funny. Two things I can add to your post.
1. Your children will continue to bring you every disease under the sun. That's their gift to you for bringing them into this world.
2. They will grow up and have kids and you can laugh at their pain.
I have three who are grown. We blog together. So, hey, maybe at least yours will do that for you when they're in their 30s.
Thanks for the fun read. And, don't worry about Philly. I moved here a long time ago from NY when I thought my life was over. It gets better with time.

Nicole said...

LOL I'm sorry. I hope the following makes you feel better....

Here's how it works at my house. Shaymus, who is almost 10 should be able to know when he needs a tissue right? nope, he will sniff and snort for 10 minutes before I have to tell him to go blow it! If I dont tell him, he'll just use his sleeve whenever it runs. Jaxson who is 4 1/2 is the best nose blower ever! I love it. Riley who is 3 runs and hides when I need to even wipe his nose. He CANNOT figure out how to blow. So I have to pick it! Drives me nuts! This week he's green as the grass and so slimy. It's disgusting.

Oh and to top it off, this morning Shay tried to show me the green stuff he's been coughing up!!! I almost threw up even thinking about it. I told him to get the hell away from me or he'd be grounded.

Mrs. Jeremy said...

OMG!!! BEST blog yet. You crack my ass up!!

The Mom Jen said...

Ooh when my hubby has a sore throat he sounds ultra sexy...sometimes I ask him to not take meds for a few more days so it can linger LOL

Closer to Lucy said...

I don't know if a martini and some Mucinex would make you feel better, but you've earned them.

Merrie said...

Oh dear oh dear. I hope you start feeling better soon, and I REALLY hope your daughter learns to blow her own nose even sooner. Because I hear you on the snot. BLuch!

AmandaWK said...

You are hilarious! I think you and I may get along well... you remind me a lot of me and well, my entire family... BLUNT and straight to the point.

"No, you stupid moron. I just like to talk out of my nose. Doesn't everyone? Yes, I'm sick. Thanks for asking. Can I cough on you now?"

In the words of Bill Engvall "Here's your sign" lOl!

TTownDiva said...

That is so going to be me. I don't know how I will do this. I can handle anything, except for snot. Even the sight of a booger makes me gag.

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