Sunday, January 31, 2010

Suck-It Sunday

Welcome to Suck-It Sunday! Here's my weekly list of people, places and things that I'd like to tell to suck it. Have your own list? Grab the graphic and go to town. Just make sure to let me know so I can read it and laugh along with you. And it would be really super awesome if you link me back from your suckiness.

1. Freelancer taxes can suck it. I work full-time from home, which to most moms sounds like the job of a lifetime. And for the most part, is. Only did you know that a free-lancer pays twice as many taxes as an office-bound career woman? Yea. Ouch. I already make about a third of what I would make working outside of the home, but then I have to bend over and pay an entire month's worth of my salary in annual taxes. Awesome. So suck it, freelance taxes. Thanks to J for the Suck-It heads up!

2. Rush Limbaugh can suck it. He's a complete psycho...and he's not even a nice psycho. He's a jerk. Need I say more? Thanks to my fellow scribe, VegasGhostDude, for the Suck-It!

3. Frozen beer. Ok, maybe this is a strange one but...sometimes I put a couple of bottles of beer in the freezer to cool them quick. I hate waiting for cold beer! But if I'm having a particularly crazy night (my kids puking, for instance) I forget about the beer. Which means I wake up to a nice little freezer present in the morning: frozen, slushy, exploded-all-over-the-god-damn-freezer beer bottles. Not only that but the beer inside is completely ruined. Damn. You'd think I'd remember my lesson after the first time? Ummm, nope. Happened just this week. So frozen beer can Suck-It.

4. People who give too much advice. Sometimes, a woman just needs to vent. She needs to ramble on about how shitty the bathroom looks and how much laundry she has to do and how much her son's feet stink. So she calls her people, and most of her people are awesome. But there are a select few that think she wants advice on how to do her laundry faster, how she needs to suck it up that her husband doesn't put the toilet seat down, and how investing in some odor eaters will take care of her son's stinky feet.

Um, just shut up. Shut the hell up. I don't need your advice. I need you to shut your pie hole so I can get it all out. Then, after we hang up, feel free to gossip about me and tell you husband how immature and silly I am. If I need advice, usually I'll say something really clever like....wait for it....."I need your advice on something...." Ding ding!

Damn that felt good!

5. Teenagers in the movie theatres who kick the seat in front of them during the entire movie (especially when I'm the one sitting in the seat in front of them).

6. John Edwards can Suck-It again this week.

7. Low-rise jeans. Dear low-rise jeans, you were fun in my mid 20s, and showing people my ass crack every time I sat down was the best. But now that I have a post-baby muffin top and, dear god, no one wants to see my crack anymore....why are you still being made? Go away! I don't want to see you ever...again. Ever. Low-rise jeans, you can totally Suck-It.


Rita Templeton said...

I hear you on the freelancer taxes - UGH!!!!

Dedi said...

Amen on the Freelancer taxes. My dh made 5 TIMES what I did in 2008 and I paid more than double what he did for about BS.

BTW, have you gotten your tax stuff yet? I'm still waiting on mine, if you've gotten yours I'm given a certain person's email to DH and letting him ruin her week until my stuff gets here. *evil grin*

Closer to Lucy said...

I'm with you an every freaking point!! Especially unwanted advice!
Yesterday I was trying to find my dad (is goes MIA on occasion), I called one of his "friends" and he totally went off (for like 20 minute) about what a piece of shit my dad is and how awful my family is to do business with! OMG he should have not gotten me started, he bit off just a little more than I think he was prepare for!! Note to family: we no longer do business with this ass. Hatermate friends can suck it!!
Bitchy professors can suck it to! I should totally be doing homework for the I will never give you an A in this lifetime no matter how freaking hard you work, so why bother professor from hell….jerk, …Oh yeah snow can suck it too!
lol, I could go on and on, it’s just a suck it kinda day!

So glad I'm not the only one resentful of low rise jeans and Rush Limbaugh's psycho ass!

NucMEd is Hot said...

Holy Shit that was funny! I may steal if for manodays because I have a vodka and crystal light to atttend to right now!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I love Suck It Sundays--what a great new holy day! I'm totally the type of person who loves to give advice--I would tell the pope how to say Mass--but even I know when to stop. The worst are those who tell single people, "Maybe you're just meant to be alone right now." Oh, really, you stupid fucking idiot? And the thing that kills me is somehow, somehow they're not single. I could write a whole friggin' post on that. Yep, I think I will.

Anonymous said...

I love Suck-it Sunday!!

Nicole said...

So funny! Hope you had a nice weekend. I heard the east coast was having some weather issues? I havent watched the news in like a week, sorry. I'm behind in the times.

Mrs. Jeremy said...

Love it!! Ass cracks are not a good look on anyone, I don't care how skinny you are.

Kaia said...

To avoid frozen beer set the oven timer, darling! xx

Stella said...

Oh man, you got me going on the frozen beer. My husband enjoys the quick cold beer. And after a few, there's always one that he misses. Do you think he's ever cleaned up his frozen beer that has burst in the fridge? Hell no....I could leave it for weeks and he wouldn't touch it....but glad to know you do it too!! Enjoyed reading through your blog.

Unknown said...

Woooooooow. You must have WAY to much time on your hands to come up with a top 8 (not even 10) things to bitch about because you just cant leave well enough alone. They are all part of society whether you like it or not, and you are doing nothing more than acting like a 16 year-old drama queen that just wants attention. Why don't you go back to the kitchen and cook something because no one wants to your useless wining that isn't going to change anything.

Tasha said...

Haha stick around, Angelo -- I've got plenty of time and lots more to bitch about. Just ask my husband!

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