So I'm about a week late, but I wanted to share my New Year's Resolutions with you lovely people.
Actually, I don't do resolutions, I'm just making all this shit up.
Resolution #1: Lose 20 pounds by December 2010. They say you should give yourself a reasonable amount of time to achieve your goals, so I figure 12 months is a *decent* amount of time to lose 20 pounds. Am I right!? Am I right!?
That's 1.666666666 pounds a month.
Totally reasonable, shah!
I'm going to work as hard as my fat butt will allow me each month to get that 1.66666666 pounds off. That's .42 pounds a week, people! Tough stuff! Biggest loser, here I come! I figure, by next December, I'll be nice and slim... just in time to pig out again next Christmas.
Resolution #2: Stop drinking so much. Ok, I'll admit I'm bored. I'm stressed. I have no friends. I've been having a glass *cough bottle cough* of wine a little too frequently lately. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not....because then it might become a habit. A very BAD habit. It makes me fat, it makes me feel like shit the next day, it goes down too easily. So from here on out, it's about the peach flavored Crystal Light instead of the glass of Cabernet. Please pray for me that I don't go to hell and have to drink Cabernet with the devil for all eternity.
Resolution #3: Run another 5K. Here's more of that healthy stuff! God, what is it with the New Year and being healthy? Kind of gets on my nerves. I ran a 5K in 2008 and it was fantastic - yes, I had a good time and, although I thought I was going to die at the time, I didn't....and I was skinner, too. If I sign my butt up for an actual race, it'll motivate me more to exercise. I got rid of my gym membership in Vegas, so now I'm doing the nature thing and running around my neighborhood instead. It's freakin cold out right now in Philly- perfect running weather. Plus, I have enough blubber to keep a whale warm for weeks, so I shouldn't get cold outdoors.
Resolution #4: Take good care of my skin. I'm starting to notice little things about my face that are changing...mainly the sag that's going on. My frown lines are not going away - they're more like frown shadows at this point, but I see where the shadows will eventually become lines...then wrinkles. Gah. I've always had big, dark circles under my eyes. I can thank my mom for that. They're getting bigger. And longer. And deeper. And more purple.
The part that's bugging me the most is my chin. What the hell is with my chin? I have this little flap of skin underneath - it's not a double chin, it's just saggy. I have a saggy chin? Well what am I supposed to do about that? So I'm hoping that a little tightening cream will do the trick.
The point is, my face is slowly heading towards my boobs, and it ain't going back up. Like, ever. Good thing my boobs don't sag - they still look fabulous. And for $5000, they'd better. Funny story - before we moved to Philly, my gal pals were over, consoling me about the move. And you know what they said to cheer me up? "Tasha just think - you'll have the best looking tits in town!"
Thanks girls. I've got a great rack...and a saggy chin.
(Click to read my Breast Implant Diaries, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2)