Happy New Year's! Let's Go To Brazil!

Happy New Year's Eve! I hope you and yours have a wonderful evening, snuggled up with your hunny....or partying it up with a bunch of drunk people. Either way, be safe. The Housewife may be a party animal sometimes, but I always take all the necessary precautions...whatever those may be. Wink wink.

And so, for your viewing pleasure today, I'm sharing just a preview of what's to come. What does that mean? Remember my girls and I took a trip to Brazil a few months ago? And my girlfriends, as smart as they are, for some reason allowed me to film the waxing (ripping) process. (insert evil laugh here)

This is a short part of my friend, Stephanie's, visit to the bed. Listen for the rip because you can totally hear it! Don't you love the cheesy spa music in the background? Yea, relaxing! Totally! Please excuse her enormous boobs...but we are Vegas housewives so...what else would you expect?

Steph here is a pretty tough chick, so you don't get as big of a reaction as one would hope for. But...it's still funny, just the same.

The best part? I didn't even tell her I was going to post this. Heehaw! It will be a nice little surprise for her. So surprise, Steph! Heather, you're next! After all, what are good friends for?

Enjoy, everyone. And remember....this is only the first of many videos of my girls and me getting our worlds rocked...or should I say ripped out?

Music I'm Emarrassed To Love...

You know when you hear a song and instantly love it, but then you start listening to the lyrics and think "shit, this song is soooo stupid!"

Ha, well I have a new song I'm embarrassed to love! It's called Tick Tock by some chick named Kesha. I like her name because it's a black girl's name....and she's white. Kinda like me and my name. Word to your mother.

Anyway, people have said she looks like a "coked-out cross between Taylor Swift and Ashley Tisdale", which I think is freakin hilarious. And they're right. We who dont have lives have to get our rocks off somehow...dont playa hate, yo.

This song kind of reminds me of Lady Gaga's "Just Dance". It's about getting drunk and acting stupid. (insert eye roll here) Although the lyrics on both songs are totally stupid and immature (unless you're 21), there's no denying the beat - and meloves any song that I can dance to.

Maybe I like this song because it reminds me of the days when I didn't have any kids.

My kids have been out of school (and with me) 24/7 for over a month. I don't have any friends here to go out with, and I stay home by myself, with both kids, all day every day. It's like the days when I had an infant....minus the breastfeeding.

Anyway. I'm gonna go brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack now...

Listen to the song. Then you'll get it.

Peace Out.

Merry Christmas - Checking In

So I've been insanely busy for the past two weeks. Moving your family across the country ain't for babies. You gotta be tough, patient and in my case, have plenty of wine available. But I swear my New Year's resolution is to stop drinking.

Riiiiiiight.

Anyway, I wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday and hope you have big plans for yourself in the New Year. I will get back to a regular blogging sched once things quiet down but, in the meantime, here's a few pictures to tide you over.

The Wolf Pack and I got together for one last hoopla before I left for Philly. We stuffed ourselves at the Rio's World Buffet (which is pretty decent), went bowling and drank cheap beer and then ended the night at the strip club! I mean, what else would you expect from Vegas locals? Don't we look like perfect angels?


Moving day! The movers walked through and said something like "wow, you guys have really filled your space..." Which translates to: "Dude, you guys have a lot of shit." Yea, thanks asshole. Pack my shit and let's get on with it.

A picture I took on one of our first days in Philadelphia. It's a gorgeous city and I cant wait to get my butt into all the museums. Lots more pictures of the city to come.

The family and I couldn't wait to try our first (ever) Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, so we braved the cold and hit Pat's and Geno's - they're the best in town we're told - and they happen to be right across the street from each other. Talk about rivalry, eh? I of course, being a foodie, had to try both and ordered (and ate) a sandwich from each place. Stay tuned for a FULL review of each place, with sandwich details. Yum!
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Two weeks into our new city, the east coast had a huge storm blow through and we received record snow fall. 15 inches to be exact....at least at my house.

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Great.

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Is it springtime yet? I'm freezin my balls off over here.

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Stay tuned. I have LOTS to write about, and tons of pictures to share. My life has been a wild, wild ride and it just keeps gettin better.

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Right now I'm going to go hang with the family and enjoy my four-day holiday weekend. Smooches to all of you from The Housewife.

Rammstein VS Cookie Monster

Philly Update

A little update and a (not so) funny story for your reading pleasure. Make sure to leave your opinions in the comments - I'd like to hear them!

My husband's and my cars were dropped off to us a few days ago. Remember when I told you they called us and said the hubby's Lexus was "damaged" in transit? Well, we found out that it was *much* more than that....

When the cars were dropped off, they seemed fine. Clean. The driver was very professional. Ok, cool. But after the husband got into his car and drove it into our garage, he noticed that the gas tank gauge read

"Tank Empty. You can go 0 miles"

Um, what? We left the car with almost a half a tank of gas....and now it has none?

Keep in mind that the car was put onto a trailer and towed the entire way from Vegas to Philly. No driving was supposed to have taken place.

But the gas tank was empty? Can you see where this story is going?

We pulled out our paperwork from the drop off, compared mileage, and discovered that the Lexus had 90 additional miles put on it. Yes, ninety. What.....the......fuck. Someone took our car out for a 90-mile joyride? Who knows where, who knows when, who know whom, who knows what they did.....sex, drugs and doughnuts comes to mind. Maybe they drove it to New York City. The point is, we gave no authorization for them to drive the car.

Welcome to Philly!

My husband called this company....which I wont mention by name *cough cough* and the first person to take his call, stupid woman, offered us a "sorry" and to give us $10 in gas compensation.

Excuse me, what? $10? Are you serious? She had her supervisor call us, who also got huffy and scattered and offered us $20. Whoo hoo....now we're talkin!

NOT.

Sorry to sound rude but, bitches, you better have something better than that.

So not only is the driver's side mirror damaged (which we're assuming happened in the night of joyriding fun) but there are 90 additional miles put on our car. Awesome.

Another supervisor called me today to "follow up" and she didn't even know about the additional miles. Like, no one told you? Again, awesome. What the hell is with this company? So I busted out my "I'm smart and well spoken and will totally kick your ass" voice for her. I know every chick has *that* voice! It seemed to have worked because she said she would call me back with an update. We'll see....

Anyway, that's the latest. We move into our house on Wednesday. Cant wait! I'll keep you updated on the car dramz. Pictures coming soon!

Philly = Mars

We made it the 2700 miles across the country to Philadelphia. This week has been a big ass blur. My family and I have never had more "quality time" together....it's almost too much, if you know what I mean. We're holed up in a hotel room - granted it's a suite, but still. We've been spending lots of time in the (rental) car together. A sedan. With both kids in the back...right next to each other....we're they can actually reach each other. Dear God, please allow me to concentrate so I don't crash the car in the middle of this Philadelphia freeway.

If you have small children, you know that when the kids can reach over and smack the other with ease, it's bad news. Because that's ALL they do. I prefer my SUV, where the kids are far enough away that they have to at least throw their toys across the car to reach each other.

Anyway, so lots of time in the car - mostly driving around (desperately) searching for a house to call our own.

We found one today and, if we're lucky, we can move in this weekend. It was my husband's favorite house. It's beautiful. It's in an incredible neighborhood. It's 5,000 square feet.

Oh god.

Dude, I am so NOT cleaning this house. It would take me three days.

Hellllllllooooooooo housekeeper.

No, really. The house is beautiful - I will post some pictures once we get into it (and I find my camera's computer cord....it's packed somewhere).

Speaking of our stuff...it's still in transit.....somewhere in the middle of the United States. We're not sure where. They're supposed to call us when they're an hour away. Nice, right? And we got a call yesterday from the car people that they "damaged" my husband's 2008 Lexus.

Awesome. Could be worse, I suppose. It's scheduled to get here sometime next week. I think.

I'll admit it, I'm a very lucky woman. My husband treats me very well and has been patient with my tears and anger swings - I've been trying to hold it together as best as I can, but sometimes it's all just a little too much to take in. I think that I'll wake up in my bed a month from now and wonder....

Where the HELL am I and how did I get here?

Note to self: find the nearest store where I can buy a case of red wine.

By the way, I'm thinking of new names (gimmicks) for my blog. Boobs and Bonnets was suggested by a Twitter friend....what do you think?

Moving Can Suck It

Two more sleeps in Las Vegas before my family and I leave for Philadelphia.....for good! I've been pretty stressed, pretty anxious and have hardly slept. There are boxes scattered all over my house - we're about half packed right now. The kids are asking lots of questions and I am desperately trying to keep track of where our stuff is (and my sanity, for that matter). I've already lost my cell phone charger.

Great.

The packers are on their way over for round two of talking my ear off while going through every aspect of my personal and private life. (Picture a strange man packing your underwear drawer....um, yeah)

Hide all the porn, honey!

The TVs are being packed today, which means no TV watching today or tonight. Ok, no sweat. I'll get the books out. Oh wait....books are packed already. Shit. Ok, then we can just......talk? But wait, my kids talk my freakin ear off all day already.

This is going to be awesome.

I guess I shouldn't complain. I have people packing all of my crap for me. They're packing, loading it, unloading it once we get there, and then even unpacking it for me. I don't think moving gets any easier than that.

Now all I need is a nanny.

And a maid.

And a bar.

And a book.

And some crazy pills.

Holy Crap & Congratulations!

Holy crap you guys. You totally blow me away with your support. I thought it was going to take forever to get my 100th follower. But I went to sleep last night with 94 followers and wake up with 104!

You chicks are fast....and you obviously do your dirty work at night. So thanks to all of you vampires, prostitutes and gamblers! Heehee!

I wanted to give an extra thanks to The Mom Jen at Cheaper Than Therapy. Jen, you know what you did, and I am ever so grateful. Smooches!

And now to my 100th follower......that's PATTY! Congratulations Patty! Send me an email at Tasha@Thehousewifediaries.com to claim your secret prize: a roll of toilet paper and a lump of coal! Yuk yuk yuk....just kidding.

To everyone else, thanks for the support and keep a look out for more goodies I'll be giving away - I seem to have an endless supply of stuff coming in to give back to you wonderful peeps!