Swear Jar

I'll never get tired of this commercial.

Living-Las-Vegas: A Couple of New Posts To Share!

I have a few new articles to share from Living-Las-Vegas.com. Comments are encouraged! Thanks for your continued support.

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The Battle Of The Bulge

(Note: if you look at the thumbnail picture for this story here, yes, that really is MY fat. I had the husband take this picture- he thought I was crazy for putting myself out there like this but hell, it's true so why not?)

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March of Dimes Signature Chefs

(OMG you guys! This year's Signature Chefs is THIS Saturday! I'm so excited! Stay tuned for all the foodie and gossip deets with LOTS of pictures.)

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My Saving Grace: A Mommy Playgroup

(Ever joined a playgroup? I think every mother should!)

Traveling With Pomegranates - the winner!

Thanks to everyone for your support. I had 25 entries total! Two winners were randomly chosen thanks to Annabet.com.

And the winners are.....

Bekki and Kristy!

Congratulations!

Please email me at Tasha@thehousewifediaries.com to collect your prize!

For everyone else...don't get discouraged! I still have lots of book goodies to give away! Stay tuned for another novel giveaway next week - you wont be wont be sorry!

And the winner is...

Stay tuned for the winners of my book giveaway, Traveling With Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd! I'll be posting the winners a just a few minutes!

Bad Spellers? Join My Neighborhood Watch!

My neighborhood has recently implemented a neighborhood watch program. While I think this is a great idea, the meetings turn into huge bitch fests and I quit going because I hear enough complaining at home from my kids.

Um, sorry but, I don't need to hear from the grouchy old lady who gets pissed off because kids are playing baseball in the park behind her house and one of them "might" hit a ball through her window.

Shut your pie hole, woman. You moved into that house knowing the freakin park was there. Park = kids. Kids = baseball. DUH.

So this same woman also leads the meetings and passes out reminder flyers to our doors. Nice gesture but, this is the newest note word-for-word.

And I quote...

NEIGHBOEHOOD WATCH MEETING

Where: In Da Park

When: Wednesday

PLEAS COME OUT TO DA MEETING.

BRING A CHAIR


I'd typically think this was just a misprint, but I've spoken to this woman and she really does say "neigh-bo-hood". And when did "the" turn into "da"? Nice.

Uh huh.

I'll be there....NOT.

Book Giveaway! Traveling with Pomegranates

CONTEST HAS ENDED.

Stay tuned for more book giveaways in the next few weeks! Thanks for your support!


Traveling with Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd (The Secret Life of Bees) and Ann Kidd Taylor has just been released, and to celebrate, I'm giving away a copy of the book to TWO of my readers!

In this intimate dual memoir, she and her daughter, Ann, offer distinct perspectives as a fifty-something and a twenty-something, each on a quest to redefine herself and to rediscover each other.

Between 1998 and 2000, Sue and Ann travel throughout Greece and France. Sue, coming to grips with aging, caught in a creative vacuum, longing to reconnect with her grown daughter, struggles to enlarge a vision of swarming bees into a novel. Ann, just graduated from college, heartbroken and benumbed by the classic question about what to do with her life, grapples with a painful depression. As this modern-day Demeter and Persephone chronicle the richly symbolic and personal meaning of an array of inspiring figures and sites, they also each give voice to that most protean of connections: the bond of mother and daughter.

This is a book that every daughter, every mother and every woman will identify with. It's a story of true relationships and love. I adore this book. I'm passing on my copy to my mom the next time I see her!

To enter the giveaway, leave a comment.

For a second entry, Tweet this blog post.

For a third entry, follow The Housewife.

If you're already a follower, blog about this giveaway.

Make sure to leave a comment with a valid email (or contact link) for each entry. Giveaway ends Saturday, September 26th. Two winners will be randomly chosen and receive a book directly from the publisher.

Thanks for your continued support and GOOD LUCK!

Girls' Weekend - Update!

Last month, I went on a much-deserved, weekend staycation with my bestest Vegas gal pals. We planned it for months, and by the time we checked in to our Go Suite at The Flamingo, I could hardly contain my excitement. Two whole days of nothing but relaxing, gossiping, eating and drinking....how could anyone go wrong with that kind of weekend?

And if you know anything about The Housewife, you know that it wasn't a boring weekend.

Friday night we had dinner at Shibuya in the MGM. Great food, great service, great atmosphere...just not enough food. We girls weren't here to stay on our two-bite diets...we were here to EAT. We left happy but still hungry. Would I recommend the restaurant? Absolutely.

Here's Rosamarie and me on our way to dinner. Yes, I was drinking a vodka tonic out of a plastic cup. Very classy, don't you think?

That night we were all exhausted from our long week of being moms, wives and employees, so we headed back to our room for some pajama party fun. And of course we had to take incriminating pictures of the first girl to fall asleep that night...

I mean, if you cant act like a 3rd grade asshole on your girls' weekend, then when can you?

The next morning we woke up early, made bloody marys in our plastic cups and headed down to the Flamingo pool. It was packed to the gills by 9am! The pool here is the reason we stayed at the Flamingo. It's one of the best on The Strip.

We skipped lunch and had buckets of beer instead, and by the second bucket we were feeling good and telling secrets to each other that will never leave that pool. Then, in my typical crazy fashion, I got the idea that I wanted to check out the topless pool. Did you know The Flamingo has a topless pool? Well now you do.

The entrance is very discreet and the entire (adults only) pool is surrounded by walls and bushes (so not to scare the kiddies). We walked in giggling, sat down on a chair, and after only a moment's hesitation took off our tops. OMG! But hey, my boobs are *done* and I'm pretty proud of them- they look good. I've always wanted to sport them at a topless pool...just once...and now was my chance. Lucky for me, my girls were happy to go topless with me. So there we were...the Las Vegas housewives, hanging at the topless pool. Sweet.

Once I sat back to survey the pool, seeing other women's breasts flopping around (and trust me- they were flopping) wasn't that exciting. Ho hum. You've seen one, you've seen them all. Maybe it's different for a man but...it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. Maybe I'm tainted from all the porn I watch?

That was a joke, by the way.

I had a random conversation with the guy sitting next to me while basking. He started talking to me with "so, what do you do?" Um, okay dude. Nice line. I told him I was a writer (thank god I didn't give him my card because THAT might be a little awkward...) and we ended having a fairly decent conversation. But I did check myself once or twice- I'm sitting here with my boobs out, talking to a perfect stranger....

Anyway. It was fun. Would I do it again? Maybe.

On our way back to our room that afternoon, we watching wedding after wedding go on. Man, they really pack them in there on the weekends. Suckas!

After showers and a short rest in our room, somebody decided we should ride the roller coaster on the top of New York New York. It wasn't me that suggested it but...I was down. It's hella fun. Click here to ride it for yourself on youtube! We screamed like, well, girls, and made friends with the adorable gay man couple in front of us.

After the ride that left us feeling like old ladies - with sore shoulders and sore throats - we went to have dinner at Hofbräuhaus. If you've never been here...you need to go! This is the most fun you'll ever have in a restaurant. There's huge mugs of beer, great food, and lots of singing at the top of your lungs. There's a band that plays hysterical songs and the entire place sings along. We had such a fun dinner and it was one of the highlights of the weekend.

Nice Jugs.

I dont know how many ounces these beers were but none of us had a problem finishing them.

I stupidly went to the bathroom at some point during the night (heaven forbid I have to pee), and while I was gone my girlfriend asked our server to bring over The Paddle. Evidently, giving spankings is a common occurrence at Hofbräuhaus. And stupidly, I agreed to be paddled.

Look at the server's evil face....that bastard! He obviously enjoys his job (and I would, too heehee). He whacked me as hard as he could. He did have my HUGE ass for a target.

Ummmm, it hurt like a sonofabitch and I had a black and blue bruise in the shape of the paddle for five days after that. Ouch. I even took a picture of my bare-assed bruise and sent it to my girlfriends. Thanks bitches....*cough* I mean girls. I'll keep this picture for posterity.

After dinner we ran around the Hard Rock casino for a bit, I got hit on by a lesbian (yessss!) and we played a game called "real or fake?" with random men. I'll let you guess what the game was about.

We ended the night dancing our asses off and appreciating the very gay, but very HOT male go-go dancers at Piranha. Believe it or not, but I had never been to a gay club before this. But now... I am hooked. I had the best time! The employees were so sweet and friendly, the men were great dancers (hallelujah!) and we didn't get hit on AT ALL! Being able to dance and not have some toolbox dude come up and start rubbing his you-know-what on us was so liberating. So Piranha, watch out, cause I'm coming back from more. Ladies- I highly suggest trying out a gay club if you get the chance. Dont be scared!

Sunday morning came too soon, and we had an early lunch of red beers and greasy burgers at Margaritaville. Here we are on our way out of the Flamingo. I had an incredible time, but I was totally exhausted and missing my hubby and kids by then. I was happy to go home and snuggle with them.

So girls...same time, same place next year? Who wants to come?

The Popsicle Diaires - video blog

The Popsicle Diaries video blog came out a little naughtier than I had planned, but the first take is always the funniest...so here it is.

Tip: you can see our French visitor, Pierre, enjoying my ignorant, American humor in the background!

Anyone want a popsicle?

Conversations with DH

In case you didn't know, "DH" stands for "Dear Husband" in computer talk. If you like these, check out some of our other conversations to your left...

Me - Did you like my blog post this morning?

DH - Yes. it was funny. I don't like all your "fuck" words, though.

Me - Why not?

DH - Because you don't talk like that in real life. Because I think of you as more wholesome than that.

Me - (giggle) Wholesome....? Me? Well, bless your little heart!

(Looks like I'm pulling off this sweet, housewife thing pretty well...heehee. But you guys know the truth, dont ya?)

Me - But I swear like that in my head. I just dont do it around the kids. Unlike someone I know. *cough* You really think I'm wholesome?

DH - Yeah. What's wrong with that? And no, I dont like your swearing. But not that I should be fucking talking....

Me - Uh huh.

Patience and Cooperation

These are the words my three-year-old daughter learned this week at preschool.

And this is what I ask of you.

Okay, I know, I totally suck. I haven't been posting on a regular basis and my girlfriend has actually been harassing me about it. She'll say to me "Damn, where is your post about Brazil!? I've been checking your blog religiously, every day, and it's still not up! I want to see fucking Brazil!"

Down girl. Patience and cooperation.

The Housewife has been swamped with work. And my French visitor is returning for a few days this week so I've been cleaning like a motherfucker.

So, to let you know that I'm thinking about you, here's what I'm working on:

My girls' weekend staycation. Remember- there's talk of a topless pool, gay men and I had black and blue bruise the size of a wooden paddle on my ass for a week after the party. I'm almost finished with this post- so hang in there.

My trip to Brazil. Yes I took a trip to Brazil (aka HELL)... and I survived. It's been fun but I wouldn't do it on a regular basis. More on that later, and I have great VIDEO of me and my girls being tortured....stay tuned. Still editing the video....

My hubby had his 39th birthday last week, and just for shiggles I took him out for sushi and then to see the show Le Reve at the Wynn. It was fucking fantastic...the best show we've seen in six years of living here. I'll give you the full review in a future post. And if you're coming to Vegas and want to see a show....see Le Reve.

So there's lots to talk about, and I promise to keep you up to date.

My next exciting adventure is this year's Signature Chefs event produced by March of Dimes. Remember last year's? It was such an incredible night for me. This year's is at Caesar's Palace so I expect it will be even better.

Stay tuned for all the juicy deets!

Things I hate more than cleaning the bathroom

Things I hate more than cleaning the bathroom:

1. Getting an operation.

2. Drinking Castor oil (don't even ask about that incident).

3. Sharing my bed with spiders.

4. Having the stomach flu.

5. Getting a root canal.

6. Cat-fighting on Facebook with my husband's (stupid, mean and disgusting) former fuck buddy. Seriously honey....what were you thinking? (I'll save this story for another time- it's a juicy one)