A Family Wedding - Vegas Style

My sister-in-law recently got engaged and has decided to have her wedding in Las Vegas. What does that mean? I get to help plan it! Yay! Her fiance was in Las Vegas a few weeks ago so a took him around to some pretty locations in town.

Pretty, eh?

You can read all about our adventure on my most recent post at Living-Las-Vegas.com:

My New Hobby: Wedding Planning

The Housewife Gets a Visitor - Take Two!

OMG you guys! Remember how I had a French visitor earlier this year? If you don't remember, go watch this video.

Well, I just got an email from the hubs and Pierre is coming for another visit! AND....he's bringing his girlfriend this time! So, I'll not only have one native French speaker under my roof, I'll have two. Sweeeet! They both still live in France but are looking for work in the United States. They love it here and I dont blame them.

I've already coached Pierre on his visit, and I've warned him that, if you stay at my house, I will most certainly blog you. (I tell my friends this, too) He wasn't surprised and secretly, I think he kinda likes it. Heh!

No one is safe from The Housewife Diaries. (evil laugh)

Stay tuned!

Call me crazy?

Call me crazy but, I've decided to go to Brazil for the very first time.

That means I'm getting my first Brazilian bikini wax.

Tomorrow.

The best part? I'm going to have my girlfriend film it. Why? So I can post my reaction to the torture on The Housewife Diaries.

This is a gift to my husband. His birthday is on Monday and I wanted to do something clever this year. The wax takes TWO WEEKS worth of hair growth....are you getting a visual? Yea, nice, right? I've been itchy and amazon "down there" for two whole weeks. I haven't been this scruff since high school. I'm ready to get the shit ripped off.

Since I gave birth at home I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance. But I'm still a teensy bit scared.

Stay tuned for the video. Gulp.

Wanna see a really funny PG video of chicks getting waxed? GO HERE.

Want something a little more nasty...but just as funny? GO HERE.

One reason I'm stupid.

I have many reasons why I'm stupid. This is one of them.

Yesterday, my kids and I were walking back to my car after a swim at the gym. My hair was wet, it was over 100 degrees and it was dinner time. I wanted to get home.

I got the kids into the car and, as I was climbing in myself, a dark Lexus pulls up behind my car (blocking me in) and honks. At first glance I think it's my husband.

Nope. It's an older Lexus. A dude with a very large gold chain around his neck gets out and says...

"Squooz me, I'm trying to get a quart of oil for sister's car ovah theh and I need like $1.40. Can you give me some change?!!"

What? You're driving a fucking Lexus and you're asking me for money? (I didn't really say this but just sort of stared at him in my wet-haired amazement)

I mumbled something to him....

And GAVE him my last two dollars.

I...want...my...two....dollars! (get it?)

So he takes off with my change. I think he said thank you.

I drove home wondering what the hell just happened.

Oh wait, I know- I'm stupid.

Rejected Vodka Ad

I'm a pool snob? Maybe.

I just wrote a piece on Living-Las-Vegas.com about my husband calling me a "pool snob." Am I? Maybe. Click below to read!

I’m A Pool Snob? Maybe.

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After being able to spend my weekends at the hotel pools, I dont know if I'll ever be able to go back! Do they have swimming pool recovery classes?

Nose Hair

Ice Cream Truck? No thanks.

When did the ice cream man turn so freakin creepy?

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We have one that occasionally patrols our streets, playing some church music (seriously- I think last time it was a Jesus Christmas song...) in an old, beat up van that you see down by the river.

Did ya get that one?

What happened to the real ice cream trucks? Now it's someone's '87 van with the paint coming off and curtains in the windows....reminds me of a van dudes use to kidnap kids in. Creepy.

The driver is usually some greasy looking dude driving with his arm out the window like he's looking for chicks.

Ummmm, yea. I want my kids running after this guy.

Not.

So, even though I have fond memories of the ice cream man (my uncle was one for a time), and slurping up a bomb pop until my entire mouth was blue and red, there is NO WAY my kids are going to buy ice cream from the creepy, greasy, kidnappy-looking dude that drives the van down by the river while blasting "We wish you a merry Christmas".

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Dude. It's August. And take a shower.

The travel ring

Do you have a "travel wedding ring"? You know, a simple ring that you wear on vacations or to the pool? A ring that holds up and you don't have to worry about losing or scratching your diamond?

I've been wanting one for a few years now. I don't really want to wear my real ring to the pool or the gym, but I definitely don't want to go without one and look "single" to everyone else.

Get what I mean, girls?

So I've been shopping around online and came across a website that advertises Tungsten Wedding Bands.

I have white gold for my wedding and engagement rings, and they require fairly regular maintenance. The back needs to be polished (from the scratches) and the gold starts to turn yellow after a few years. Anyway, the Tungsten rings have a lifetime guarantee and they're supposed to be.....wait for it......scratch proof. So I can wear it anywhere and don't have to worry about it when I'm at the pool or on vacation- it should hold up great!

So this week I ordered the 6mm dome wedding ring. I just got it in the mail today and I love it! When they say comfort fit, they mean it. I cant even feel it on! It displays a little darker that white gold or platinum, but it's got great shine and looks awesome on.

So if you're looking for a travel ring, or even an everyday wedding ring that will last forever- through chasing behind babies to swimming pools and the gym, this site comes highly recommended by The Housewife.

Girls' Weekend - Preview!

I survived my girls' weekend....and boy, was it fun! Here's the group, whom we have lovingly nicknamed "the wolf pack," at the Flamingo pool.

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More to come - and don't worry, I'll include all the juicy deets. There are stories about gay men, a roller coaster and even a topless pool. Oh, and I have a huge bruise on my ass the size of a wooden paddle.

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See, I knew you'd want to hear! Would you expect anything less from The Housewife?

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Stay tuned!

Dinner at Bouchon

Remember how I went to dinner with the girls at a place called Bouchon a few weeks ago?

My review blog on the night is finally up on Living-Las-Vegas.com.

Click below to get all the yummy deets.

My Dinner at Bouchon

A thank you to my husband

Dearest Husband,

I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my little housewife heart for letting me take off with the girls this weekend.
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I hope the kids don't drive you too crazy, and just remember that if they do, there's always beer. And by the way, no chicks over while I'm gone!

I'll be thinking of you and missing you while I'm laying out at the pool, getting a sunburn and drinking too many pina coladas. I promise to behave myself and not talk to too many strangers. But you know I cant help myself if they're prostitutes, showgirls, cross-dressers or famous people. Everyone else I'll ignore....I love you, babe!

Did I ever tell you all how cool my husband is?

Well, he is.

I'm one lucky housewife, that's for sure.

Housewife News - Girls' Weekend

I'm counting down to Friday afternoon. It's when my girls' weekend starts. Cue the angels' singing.

My girlfriends and I have been planning a weekend away together for many months....and where better to go than just down the street to the Las Vegas strip!?

I have to admit it's quite convenient to have every entertainment avenue known to man just a few miles away from where we live our everyday lives.

We're staying at a hotel that has a fabulous pool, we have dinner reservations at MGM's Shibuya, and we're on the "corporate list" for The Bank at Bellagio.

I'm surprised all of our husbands are allowing us to be out....together.....unsurpervised....for the entire weekend.

Giggle.

The girls and I have been emailing each other all day- planning on what to bring, what to wear and what to drink. I've been sending them my best bathing suit recommendations....like this one. Totally hot! We'd get free drinks all day!

Want to come along?

Well, even if you cant, you can always stay tuned for a later blog with all the details....and maybe even some pictures if I decide to bring my camera along for the ride.

Wish me luck and see you on the flip side!

New Living Las Vegas reading for you

A new article is up on www.Living-Las-Vegas.com. It's my personal list of how to beat the Las Vegas heat with kids in tow. Ch-ch-check it out.

Hot Days, Cool Kids

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Living-Las-Vegas is changing their publishing in the coming weeks. From now on, you can find me there every Monday. So check back each Monday for a new read from me- my Living-Las-Vegas specialties are family-related matters and restaurant openings and reviews.

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A small preview of what I have in store for future Mondays: There is a Cabo Wabo opening up at Planet Hollywood this fall and I hope to cover its opening. I'm also reporting on my dinner at Bouchon next Monday, so keep an eye out for that.

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Thanks to everyone for your support!

Kid shows, let's rant

For the most part, I HATE the kids' shows that are on right now. Let's rant while the kids aren't listening, shall we?

Dora:

What's with the football head and all that yelling? Seriously Dora, our kids can hear just fine, and if they cant, there's always Signing Times or Blues Clues. And how many times do we need to hear about where you're going? My daughter repeats her sentences ten fucking times in a row as it is...now I know where she gets it.

Max and Ruby:

Although I admit that I sorta like this cartoon, I think Ruby is quite bossy and methinks Max needs a bit of speech therapy. Even my 3-year-old daughter tells me "mom, Ruby is not very nice." I know, Ava, she's a little bossy to Max, isn't she? I think Ava relates to Max as the younger sibling...how sweet. My five-year-old, Jack, has already asked me the ten million dollar question..."mom, where are Max and Ruby's mom and dad?" Dude, I've been asking myself that for years!

Hip Hop Harry:

Even worse than that purple nightmare, Barney, Hip Hop Harry teaches kids everywhere how to rap, how to say "Go! Go! Go!" fifty million times and how to be a gangsta! Word to your mother.

Who thought up this ghetto asshole, anyway? My son watched him very briefly and I could hardly choke down my spit I wanted to throw up so badly.....and who hired the freaking Gotti kid be the kid in the show? (if you've seen the show- you know what kid I'm talking about)

Oh! And don't you love the token white girl? Yeahhhhh, I know the homies like those blond white girls! Been there! Heehee

"Hey kids! Water is good for your body! Let's drink like the homies and drink .....water. Spencer! Break it down!"

Go Harry! Go Harry! Go Harry!

Someone get me an Advil.

And a Valium.

And a beer.

And some earplugs.