Conversations with Jack

It's an exciting time in my little boy's life.

He's about to start first grade. Elementary school....for the realz! He's jabbering about it constantly..."mom, when I'm in first grade..."

He's made the long journey of baby, to toddler, to little boy to....first grader. But for some reason, the kid still SUCKS at getting ready for school.

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Here's how our day goes, almost every day.

Me - Jack, you need to put your shoes on and get your backpack. We have to motor in ten minutes.

Jack - OKAY, mom. You don't need to tell me that EVERY DAY! I know what to do!

Me - *sigh* Okay whatevs.

15 minutes goes by........................

Me - Jack? Do you have your shoes on?

Jack - No.

Me - Why not? We gotta go!

Jack - MOM! You didn't give me enough time! Why didn't you tell me earlier that this!!!!??

Me - Ummm, I did....15 minutes ago. Hurry up, we're going to be late.

Jack - I cant do everything by myself!!! I need you to tell me things! I cant remember everything by myself!!

5 minutes later.......

Me - Do you have your backpack?

Jack - No!

Me - And why not?

Jack - I'm still getting my shoes on!

Me - (swears under my breath...for the love of god....)

Deep Thoughts - girl crushes

I wonder if a day will come when I don't poke my eyeball when I'm putting on mascara. I seem to do it every.... single.... day. So I poke myself, and then I get mascara all over my bottom lashes (and below). I hate that. I used to get made fun of in high school because I'd get mascara in my bangs....because I'm cool like that.

I guess I need a lesson in mascara application?

The hubs and I went bowling last weekend with our couple friends, and my girls and I were talking about our "girl crushes."

Mine is Megan Fox. I'm also partial to Sophia Bush. I guess I like those dark brunettes.

One of my girlfriends said hers is the brunette from the show, House (I still don't know who that is).



Every woman has a girl crush, right? Who's yours?

This is how the locals DO IT!

No, and I don't mean sex.

Perverts.

I mean swimming! Enjoying the pool and all it has to offer.

We've grown bored of the YMCA pool. Is that bad?

Since we were bored of the local pools, we decided to hit the hotel pools instead. They're more fun, anyway. Remember when we crashed The Golden Nugget pool? That was fun!

This year, we've put our sites on the best pool on the Las Vegas strip. Can you guess where that is?

Mandalay Bay, of course.

The hotel is REALLY strict about who they let in, because if they weren't, the whole city would be there.

The place has a HUGE wave pool, with a music stage in the shallow part- the hubs and I saw Tears for Fears on that stage a few years ago and it was incredible. In addition to the wave pool, there are four more pools surrounding the big one. There's also a lazy river nearby! Lazy is not the right word for it, though. It's more like "Bumper car inner tubes in really fast-moving water."

Seriously, the current is so strong my 5 year old couldn't even hold himself against it! We'd have to hold onto him because if we didn't, the current would pull him away.

Nice! Safety first, people! Yuk yuk yuk.

Not only that but, if you don't have a inner tube for yourself in the lazy river, your head is constantly getting bumped and smashed by kids on inner tubes screaming "EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!"

Yea, watch out, you little fuckers. Quit bumping into me. I'm trying to be "lazy" here.

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My kids had a blast, and there were lots of friendly visitors for me to talk to. If you hadn't noticed already, I'm a big time people person. I love to talk to random people wherever I go. And this day, like many others, we got the famous question....

"Where are ya from!?"

Ummmmm, here.

That's when we get the glazed over, totally shocked look.

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Awesome.

Mostly, I sat by the pool and sipped my pina coladas while the hubs and kids made a pass every few minutes in the lazy river. That's what housewives are supposed to do, right? The views were spectacular, and I had one of those rare moments where I tell myself...

"I cant believe I actually live here."

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Oh, and did I mention it was 117 degrees that day?

The Housewife's California Vacation '09

We had a great summer vacation, although it was a little stressful at times. You know when you travel with young kids, you almost need a vacation from your vacation? Yea, it was kinda like that. But we made the best of things and enjoyed a week full of beaches, yummy food and cooler weather.

My parents are such hippies....but I love them anyway. This picture makes me think we just need some reefer and a bonfire and we'd be all set!

Here my folks are (with Jack) relaxing on the beach on the 4th of July. We hung out all day, ate sandy KFC and watched the fireworks- which were amazing. My kids loved them and Ava wasn't scared at all! I've got a fearless one on my hands. Gulp.

The hubs and I rented this little bike thingie one day and strapped the kids in the back. We rode along the beach boardwalk and this was definitely one of the highlights of our trip. Why? The kids LOVED it, and they sat next to each other for a full hour... without fighting. Hallelujah. Where do I buy one of these suckers?

We took a trip to the zoo, since the zoo in Las Vegas is totally pathetic and sad. The Santa Barbara Zoo has wonderful exhibits and fantastic views of the CA country and even a few ocean views if you know where to look. We go every year and always enjoy ourselves. It's the first zoo I've been to that has great food, too!

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Since the hubs had the week off, he decided to grow a beard. It's cute. Scratchy and itchy, but totally cute. He's turning 40 next year so he better enjoy that brown hair before it turns white.

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My mom, god bless her, drives me a little nutty sometimes....I'm sure she's just paying me back for all the bullshit I put her through as a teenager. Anyway, we work really hard to enjoy each other's company, and if I'm lucky, she'll let me take her picture. I try to get ones of her and Ava together as much as I can, since having 3 generations of women together hasn't been possible in our family for many years. My mom's mom died when she was four, and her mother's mother died very young, too. Believe it or not - I've thanked my mom several times for staying alive this long. It means a lot. So thanks mom for not dying. I'm such a sweet daughter, aren't I? She understands and that's all that matters.

One of the highlights of the trip for The Housewife was that I discovered Pinkberry. Screw the trendy crap you hear about them....because it really is GOOD. Better than good. Scrumptious. Fresh. Healthy. Sweet, but not too sweet. I love it- with milk chocolate shavings and strawberries.

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Bummer there isn't one in Vegas, because I'd move into the store.

Pictures of the Week

The Ritz Carlton at beautiful Lake Las Vegas.

The view from Mandalay Bay's pool.

I took this heading home the other night. Encore and Wynn show their stuff!

Conversations with DH

The latest funny conversation I had with DH (dear husband) is an email conversation. One great thing about my hubs- he always comes home from work right on time, and if he's going to be late (or early), he calls or emails me. God bless him!

So this is the email I received, at about 3pm on Friday afternoon.


Honey, Just finished a meeting in Summerlin. Taking a crap at target. Heading home soon. Love you

Sent by Good Messaging (www.good.com)


My email reply:

hahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Are you texting on the crapper? Awesome.


His reply:

Of course. Where else would I text from?

Sent by Good Messaging (www.good.com)


Isn't marriage grand when your husband feels so utterly comfortable with you that he lets you in every time he's taking a poo? That he loves me so much that he was thinking of me while he was taking a shit at Target? Ohhhhhh, I feel the love!

The love smells like shit, but hey, it's love just the same. It's the little things...right?

This is almost as bad as his shitbooking!

Old Song, New Love

After Michael Jackson's death, like a lot of other people, I went in search of more of his music.

As a kid, I was a huge MJ fan - I still am.

I have most of his songs already, but this week I went in search of those songs of his that I didn't know. Because everyone and their dog knows Billie Jean and Beat it....I wanted to find the songs that I hadn't heard before (or couldn't remember).

That's when I came across "Stranger in Moscow."

Originally released on his "HIStory" album in the mid 90s, this song was written at the start of the child molestation rumors - MJ was on tour in Russia at the time.

I LOVE this song! I cant get enough of it. My kids are so sick of it they could puke. But I dont care....they need the freakin culture anyway...

The song is slow, haunting and although it's Michael's typical pop sound, it has lots of jazzy undertones. Plus, the song just gets better as you go. The end is the best part. As I continue to research this song, I'm finding amazing remixes from country-ish to techno versions. Awesome!

CLICK HERE to take a listen and tell me what you think.

Bastille Day at Bouchon

To celebrate Bastille Day, (and Mona's birthday, really!) the girls and I had dinner at Bouchon in the Venezia tower at the Venetian.

YUM!

Mona knows the owner, Thomas Keller, who is one of the most well-known chefs in the United States. Sha-wing! It was an amazing dinner and we were treated like rock stars the entire night.

The restaurant is casual bistro style... and yet it's elegant, warm and the menu is fantastic.

If you're ever in Vegas, and need a classy, fabulous but comfortable place for dinner (or breakfast or lunch!), go to Bouchon. You wont be sorry. From a local's opinion, this isn't a place to miss!

Want to hear more? Stay tuned for a FULL blog on our dinner at Bouchon!

The Housewife's awkward moment

Forgive the airplane noise at the beginning. Gotta love the Airforce...

Yes my hair is brown. I know you dont like it so you dont have to say anything.

Watch the video for a good laugh at The Housewife.

What would YOU do?

I'm back!

I'm back boys and girls! Did you miss me?

Yea, I didn't think so. Probably didn't even know I was gone!

I'm back to cause more trouble, and I've got some juicy juice gossip for you, but you're just going to have to wait for it. It's typical Las Vegas Housewife goodness, with lots of bitchiness, complaining and swearing. And I'll probably be drinking when I write it....

Sound good? Uh huh.

Stay tuned.

I'll have some updates from my California vacation, too, in case you were wondering...

Gotta love Las Vegas news

What happens in the Vegas news, stays in the Vegas news.

Serves the reporter right for thinking he could do a live segment on freaking Freemont street....DUH!

CLICK HERE to watch the video.

More...deep thoughts

My body's acquired something new in its old age. Back fat. Sweet. I had no idea that I could actually get fat ripples on my freakin back. Why didn't anyone tell me about this? It even makes a difference on what bra size I wear. I can see it now- "well yes, I used to wear a 34, but then my back got fat so now it's 36."

Do you think it's a bad thing that I blast George Michael's "I want your sex" with my kids in the car? I keep doing it, and I'm just waiting for my 5 year old to ask why some dude keeps asking for sex on the radio. I'll just tell him...."Jack...George Michael is singing about chicks but he really likes boys..." That'll totally throw him off! Ha!
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Speaking of my 5 year old, I think he's officially become cooler than me. I was expecting this, but not until he was at least 15. I guess I'm 10 years behind staying ahead of the game. Did you get that? Guitar Hero had changed his whole perspective on the world. Now it's all about getting a real guitar, Ozzy Osborne and System of a Down (two of his favorites). I could go on and say..."Boy, I saw Ozzy at Red Rock in 1992, 11 years before you were even born!" but then I realized Jack probably doesn't give a shit- he's only 5, after all.

Internet Explorer can suck it. It makes a regular habit of closing ALL my windows on me when I'm working on something important. So eff you very much IE!

The family and I are heading to California this weekend for a much-needed summer vacation. Cant wait! We're planning on spending our days sleeping in, at the beach and eating as much seafood as possible. My kids have NEVER seen fireworks. Sad, right? Here in Vegas, it's always been too effing hot to drag them to a park and sweat our balls off for a 30 minute show. They are ecstatically excited to see some on the beach this year (because that's how the California-coast folks do it), and I'm hoping my little sweat pea, Ava, doesn't freak out from the noise. She's kind of a sensitive diva, if you know what I mean.

Click here to check out The Housewife's summer vacation, 2008!

Happy 4th of July weekend to everyone! And remember- safety first. Don't light any fireworks out of your ass!