Facebook

Let's talk Facebook, shall we?

I have an account, and to my surprise, I have a lot of friends. Like, more than 200. I don't really know how I got all of these friends, but it's cool just the same.

Let's talk some shit about my Facebook friends. It'll be fun. I'm sure you can relate to at least one of my shitty comments.

Who needs high school reunions anymore when you have Facebook? I get all I need to know (and sometimes WAY more than I need to know) about every... single.... fucking.... person I went to school with from 6th grade and on. I even have some friends on there that I haven't seen since Kindergarten...but we're Facebook friends now so that's good enough for me!


I also found out that a dude I "dated" in 10th grade is now gay. I say "dated" because mostly it was just me having sex with him and then him dumping me. Jackass. That was called "dating" back then, at least by sluts like me. So now he's gay. Sweet. But it's cool. He had a really small penis, anyway.


And then there's the other guys from high school that were popular, but total tools. You know the type? Now, those tools are bald and have 6 kids. (Insert evil laugh here) One of those tools on my friends list is totally disgusting looking, but has an amazing looking fiance. All I could think when I first saw his pictures was....


"How the HELL did he get that hot piece of ass?"


Seriously.


Then there's the girls who were chubby in school, and now run freaking marathons, eat cucumbers for every meal and look incredible.


Bitches.


Then there's the girls who were really nerdy in school- skinny as a rail, glasses, buck teeth (god, I'm a nice person, aren't I?). And NOW they are gorgeous and slender with a boob job and a rich husband.


Bitches.


Then there's the people who you don't really want to be friends with because you have some fucked up, drunk pictures of yourself, or pictures of you licking your husband...whatever, but you kinda have to accept them as a friend because you don't want to piss them off?


Like your mother-in-law for instance.


Totally awesome.
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I'm not talking about me, of course.

And the winner is...

Thanks to the randomizer at AnnaBet.com, the winner of the Gustafer Yellowgold CD/DVD is.....

Mrs. Jeremy!

(claps)

Send me an email to collect your prize.

Congratulations!

Taste of the Nation - Las Vegas

I'm lucky enough to have been invited to cover an amazing event next month called Taste of the Nation hosted by Share Our Strength. You know how much The Housewife loves her food events! This sounds like a fantastic party for a great cause. The best part? Taste of the Nation is happening all over the United States- click here to see if they'll be in your city!

Read more about it below, and stay tuned for all the fabulous details with lots of pictures, courtesy of The Housewife.


CITY’S HOTTEST CHEFS COOK TO FIGHT CHILDHOOD HUNGER IN LAS VEGAS AND ACROSS AMERICA

Share Our Strength’s Taste of the Nation Las Vegas Hosts
17th Annual Culinary Event on June 4, 2009 at the Hard Rock Hotel Casino.

With a passion to fight childhood hunger, Las Vegas’ hottest chefs, restaurants, and mixologists will gather for Share Our Strength’s Taste of the Nation, the city’s premier culinary benefit. Taste of the Nation Las Vegas will raise critical funds needed to support Share Our Strength’s efforts to end childhood hunger in the Las Vegas valley and across the nation. This year’s event will be on Thursday, June 4th at Hard Rock Hotel and Casino from 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm, with a VIP reception beginning at 5:30 pm.

More than 30 of the city’s finest chefs and restaurants will participate in the gastronomic event. Along with Chef Carlos Guia of SW Steakhouse, Taste of the Nation Las Vegas Restaurant Chairman, participating restaurants will include Andre’s at Monte Carlo, Kerry Simon of Cathouse, Rosemary’s Restaurant, Rare 120° - the new steakhouse at Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, The Capital Grille and many more! Guests will enjoy the city’s finest cuisine paired with great wines and signature cocktails.

In addition to fabulous food and drinks, the event will feature an exquisite silent auction with once in a lifetime items and a spirited live auction hosted by the popular radio and television personality, Nate Tannenbaum.

Click here to see the list of participating Las Vegas restaurants.

One hundred percent of ticket sales help ensure no kid in America grows up hungry.

Tickets for Taste of the Nation Las Vegas can be purchased by calling 1-877-26-TASTE or visiting TasteOfTheNation.org.

Click here to follow Share Our Strength on Twitter!

Hope to see you there!

My girlfriend is in town....hym, what to do?

One of my best gal pals, Nicole over at Sanity check, one two..., was in town for a bachelorette party last weekend, and asked The Housewife for a little *help* in planning one of the girls' nights out.

Hymmmm, WHAT is there to do in this town?

Dinner and a big old, 100-oz tap of beer to start the night out right.....CHECK.

Take the girls up to the Foundation Room for a little R&R and to show them the one of the best views on the strip....CHECK.

Isn't the view perty? Remind me to tell you about the tool (that's my slang for idiot) we met at the Foundation Room that admitted the he and his boys had hired escorts to take with them to the clubs that weekend. Seriously- who does that!? Losers! AND they paid $1000 for these chicks. What if one of them got an ugly girl?

Anyway....

Have a little fun on the way out of the Foundation Room.....CHECK.

The girls were feeling a little tired from their trip out here (tired?! there's no tired in Vegas!). Idea! Buy a round of shots for everyone- a blow job for the bride-to-be......CHECK.

Make friends with the coolest people around; the cage go-go dancers......

....and the T-girls at the end of the bar. CHECK! (can you guess what the 'T' stands for?)

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Meet Billie, Lucy, Roz, Cayla and Marcia! Let me tell ya, they were AWESOME! You all know me- I love talking to anyone and everyone, and right when I saw these ladies stroll in, I knew I had to go up and say hi. Those bitches have better legs than I do!

I had a fun night, and I think everyone else did, too. I was even home by midnight. I swear I need to start my own business doing this...

Conversations with Ava

You all know the crazy conversations I have with my husband, aka DH, but here's one I have with my daughter almost on a daily basis.
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Ava: Mom, why are you turning this way? Mom? Why you turning this way, mom? Mom?

Me: Because this is the way home.

Ava: Why?

Me: Why what?

Ava: Why is this the way home, mom?

Me: Because this is where we live. Don't you want to go to our house?

Ava: Yea, mom. Why are you turning, mom?

(Are you getting the idea that Ava likes to say "mom" every third word?)

Me: I just told you. To go home.

Ava: Why we goin home, mom?

(This is where I have to think of something really clever to tell her so she'll stop asking redundant questions)

Me: Because.

Ava: Oh.

Sigh of relief. I think I satisfied her for today! I just love those quality conversations with my 3-year-old.

Giveaway! A little, yellow guy named...

What's the result of Dr. Suess meeting "The Yellow Submarine"?

A little, yellow guy named Gustafer Yellowgold.

In a nutshell, this is family entertainment that combines wonderful animation and great indie music – meaning something children will love that doesn’t rot their brains, but also won’t sound like nails on chalkboard for parents.

Gustafer Yellowgold is definitely the next big thing in family entertainment, and received praise from publications like The New York Times and Newsweek.

Morgan Taylor, brainchild, animator, and performer of Gustafer, has played with Wilco, Bob Dylan, Polyphonic Spree, and the Breeders. (Wow!)

My family and I were lucky enough to sample some of Gustafer's music, and we all fell in love with it. My son's favorite song is “Getting in a Treetop” and even my husband (the family music snob) loved it so much, I'm going to let him do the full music review- Read it HERE.

Gustafer's newest CD/DVD set is called Mellow Fever.

We love this music, and we think you'll love it, too. So I'm giving away one of Gustafer's CD/DVD set called Wide Wild World!

Leave a comment for 1 entry. Twitter this for a 2nd entry. And for a 3rd entry, blog about the giveaway! Make sure to leave a separate comment for each entry. A winner will be chosen Sunday, May 24rd.

Good luck everyone and enjoy the music!

GUSTAFER YELLOWGOLD - Mellow Fever - Review!

Kid's music. Ugh. Think of all of the times that, as a parent, you have reluctantly played and repeated the latest Laurie Berkner, Wiggles or Kidz Bop offering, just to keep your 3-year old from throwing a tantrum in the car. We love our kids and give them what they want, even if it means that we must tolerate excruciatingly bad music aimed at occupying the developing minds of our little ones. Put quite simply, most of the music aimed at kids these days is manufactured garbage.

So when my wife asked me to listen to the latest CD by Gustafer Yellowgold, A.K.A. Morgan Taylor, I was naturally skeptical. Another collection of kids music which will turn my children into zombies and offer no valuable musical or lyrical content, I thought. Boy was I wrong. Mellow Fever is a wonderful assortment of indie pop songs which will have you singing and humming right along with your kids in the back seat.

In order to be appreciated by parents and kids alike, the subject of good kid's music can't be too elementary or too clever. How many songs have we heard about ABC's and 1-2-3's? This is where Mellow Fever really gets it right. It never tries to be too hip or cool. It never attempts to teach your kids a lesson. It is, however, great pop music for all ages.

Each song is a heartfelt story about the adventures of Gustafer Yellowgold, a yellow, banana-shaped creature who hails from the sun and has travelled to earth seeking new adventures and friendships.

Getting in a Treetop opens the CD and tells the story of Gustafer climbing to the top of a tree, where he finds happiness by observing all that is underneath him. Butter Pond Lake is another standout track, which tells the story of our hero spending his day at fictitious pond made of butter with his dog, Ray.

"Can't wait to say about Butter Pond Lake. Pretty melted, buttery circle full of life and light. What a day, playin' by Butter Pond Lake. Makin' our darkening bugs and beetles honey-jarred."

Each song's lyrics tell the simple tale about the character's discoveries on our planet, with catchy melodies, acoustic guitars, french horns, and beautiful string arrangements as the driving force behind the music. As a parent, I rarely find myself singing to a kid's song because I want to. In the case of Mellow Fever, I found that I just couldn't help singing right along with the music. I had to sing these songs!! My kids, age 5 and 3, also took to the music immediately and listen to the entire CD from start to finish, making this not just music for kids, but music for the entire family to enjoy. A little secret just for you; I have 3 of these songs on my own iPod, part of the same collection as Radiohead, Grandaddy, and other alternative favorites.

Also of note: Each CD is accompanied by its own DVD, which includes videos for each song. If you like great music and good storytelling, Mellow Fever is a must buy. Click here to get your own Copy of Mellow Fever.

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-The Housewife's Husband

I'd like to thank the academy....again!

I received an award this week from Mrs. C over at Next to Heaven. She's as sweet as they come and a newlywed (maybe the two go together?)! I've declared her my new little sister- which means I get to be the big sister that's a bad influence. Muahaha! Go over and show her some love!

Spring in the desert

Doncha love?

Doncha love the kid's shows that have characters that CANT FREAKING SING on them? Strawberry Shortcake, for the love of Pete, please make some friends that can sing. You're making my ears bleed, but I cant burn your DVDs because my daughter loves you.

Doncha love when kid's shows say things that are totally inappropriate....if you have a dirty mind. Like today, there was some show on that was saying "toss the salad!" (giggle) "toss the salad!" (giggle) "I tossed the salad!" (giggle...who writes this shit, anyway?)

Doncha love when you cough on your own spit?
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Doncha love when you have to have a 30-minute long conversation with your 5 year old son about the naked baby swimming on the Nirvana album cover? Seriously. How long do we have to talk about why the baby's naked, how he learned how to hold his breath...when he's just a baby, why he's swimming, why he's going for the money, where his mom is, why did his mom drop money into the pool, where's his dad, is it a boy or a girl.......?

Where's my Zoloft?

Doncha love it when your mom calls, only to get upset or caught up on something else, and hangs up on you? Hey....YOU called ME, mom. Sheesh.

Doncha love it when you forget to pull something for dinner?

Doncha love it when you cant get out the school parking lot to save your life because the other asshole parents wont let you in?

That was just today. The joys of a housewife. Gotta love it.

Anyways......I'm done now.

Effing Awesome

Deep Thoughts

Did you know that cruise control doesn't work when you're going 15 mph?

Yea, I tried it once. In a school zone. I was too lazy to go the speed limit (seriously, I could walk that fast, but I guess that's the idea...) so I tried to put my car on cruise. I don't need a school zone speeding ticket for going 25 mph. Nope. Cruise control didn't work. Damn.

Just thought you'd want to know. For future reference.

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My three-year-old daughter burps like an adult man. I've never heard anything like it. There's nothing like bringing her to the mall, only to have her burp a good one out- it echos across the entire children's area. People will look at her in horror. Yes, that's my daughter. Yes, she's only three. Yes, she always burps like that.

I've been considering entering her into some sort of belching contest. The girl would do well. Maybe we can win some college money.

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I'm back on the stuff as of today. Zoloft, that is. Took it for postpartum depression for a period after my daughter was born, but then successfully weaned myself off and felt great. But lately, with everything I have on my plate, I felt that I wasn't perking up every morning like I was before. This time it's mostly for anxiety.....being a full-time, work-at-home mom with two kids and a very sick cat ain't as easy as it looks! Like you didn't know that already. Ha.

So, to be proactive about keeping my husband around and my kids from hating my guts, I decided it was either Zoloft or become an alcoholic. I choose Zoloft.

Hopefully it wont be for forever, but for right now it feels like the best choice. So hopefully soon I'll be back to my old, sassy self.

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I received a totally, kick ass kid's music CD/DVD set in the mail last week, so stay tuned for its review and a new giveaway! Need new music for your kids? Want something that YOU can listen to with them? Search no more. I have the answer.

Stay tuned!

Update on my puddy tat, Nemo

Nemo is slowly but surely getting better. He lost a whopping 6 pounds while he was sick- it
makes me feel terrible thinking about it.
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I should have caught it sooner! I'm such a bad cat mom. In this picture, he looks incredibly thin and pathetic- totally NOT like his normal self. *sniff*
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The vet (whom I've become fairly close with since I talk to her multiple times a day- ha!) said that his blood work came back looking great. That's a relief! No cancer. No long-term problems. Nemo just quit eating...why? We'll never know.
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He's been on a feeding tube since he came home from the kitty intensive care. Which means I have to mush up some canned food and force it through a little syringe FIVE times a day.

FIVE.

It sucks. My fingers are sore from forcing the food through this little, tiny tube. The vet says I should do this for another four weeks. Fuck! But hell, It's my kitty and I'd do just about anything to make him better. Nemo deserves it. I'm just relieved he's a fighter!

By the way, the vet bill is up to $1600.
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Here's the feeding tube. The vet calls the part at the end a "christmas tree." Sweet. Merry fucking christmas.




Check this nastiness out- the tube is sewn into his neck, and I can feel that it runs down through his esophagus. So the tube comes out of his neck, and then is sewn around his back to stay in place. It's disgusting, and I feel terrible for poor Nemo because I can tell it's very itchy. But it's the feeding tube or death at this point.

I'll take the tube.

Thank you to everyone for your support and love. I'm deeply grateful for the comments and prayers from all my kitty-loving friends and family.

Nemo will recover. It will just take some time.

The Epicurean Affair 2009

The annual Epicurean Affair is always held at the Flamingo pool. If you've never seen the Flamingo pool, you should. It's a fantastic area, with lots of waterfalls and paths that take you to another, more secluded pool. It's extremely lush and beautiful. If you're looking to visit Vegas on a budget- stay at the Flamingo. The pool alone is worth it.




I could probably leave the blog at just this one picture.....check out these hot-ass women! I swear it's tough for a normal girl like me to walk around with women who look like this. It does some major damage to my ego- ouch! Seriously, it's hard to imagine that there's REAL women who actually look like this. Life is so unfair!

However, they were very kind and friendly, so I'll be nice and tell them thanks for their hospitality!

And then I might call them skinny bitches behind their backs....

This year's Epicurean was definitely a toned-down version of last year's, but that didn't make it any less fun or yummy. Here's the grand entrance. Pretty and pink, aye? They had these unusual chandeliers that hung from the pink towers that sparkled when they caught the colored spotlights. Very cool.

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Do you see what I mean about the pool? This is the second pool towards the back...

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Luckily, everyone was ready to have their picture taken. Unlike last year, when I actually had a girl (who was wearing ONLY pasties and a thong) tell me she didn't want her picture taken. Girl, please. You're walking around totally fucking naked at a food event. I'm going to take your picture anyway......

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I'm really nice, aren't I?

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But this year, every girl I turned my camera to was polite and friendly, and actually gave me eye contact. Thank you, devil lady!

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Oyster shots.....mmmmmm.

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They had desserts of every kind, every flavor. Not only that but each one was beautiful- like food art.
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My favorite dish at the event? The scallop plate from Marche Bacchus. Oh...mah......gawd. it was the BEST scallop I've ever had. Yum. I've heard amazing things about the restaurant but I've never been...yet. I think I will make the hubs take me for my birthday next month.

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The New Belgium brewing company was there. Did you know that Fat Tire is my favorite beer of all time? It's Colorado-based brewery. I could drink it every day if it didn't turn me into an alcoholic and make my ass fat.

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I learned at the Epicurean that they now have Fat Tire in a CAN. This is big news, people! Here's my hubby's lovely skills at displaying it for me....he could be a Price Is Right girl!

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It was so much fun to be able to take a bite of something and then move onto something else. So many flavors all in one place.
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My husband wasn't feeling very well, so we didn't stay very late. But I snapped a picture just as the pink Flamingo lights were turning on. We had a fantastic time- The Epicurean is most definitely my favorite date night of the entire year!

Want to blog for Living-Las-Vegas.com?

Are you a Las Vegas blogger that wants to get your name out there?

Living-Las-Vegas.com is looking for bloggers!

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Click here to visit the Living-Las-Vegas blogger page.

It's a fantastic way to tell your story while broadening your audience. We have readers from all over the world! Even if you've never blogged before (but want to), I encourage you to contact my editor, Mark. (Did you know he used to write for msnbc? Just a little bit of insider juice for ya!)

Tell Mark The Housewife sent you.

Every girl needs girlfriends

As I've said many times before, I've got great girlfriends.

One of them is treating me to a facial today- to cheer me up since my beloved uncle passed away recently. She's caring and thoughtful, she's a foodie like me and she's hysterical. She's always on the lookout for the best deals and bargains, which is one of the things I really admire about her.

Here's a voicemail she left on my cell phone the other day:

"Hi Tasha, it's -----. I was calling to see if you wanted to go to this baby expo with me tomorrow? I think it starts at 10am, and they're supposed to give, like, the first 100 pregnant women through the door this really amazing goodie bag. So I'm gonna go and totally pretend that I'm pregnant....wanna come? Just call me back! Okay, byeeee!"

Don't you just love her? I got a good five minute crack-up laugh over that one.

Very happy penguin

The penguin is being pursued by several Orcas, who are circling him for the kill. People on a small boat are filming. See what the penguin does to save itself.

Picture Of The Week - Happy May!