Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I'm back! Did ya miss me?

Hi! Gosh I feel like I haven't been in here in over week!

Wait a minute...I haven't.
Oh yea, that's right. I've been horribly sick with SWINE FLU! Yep, The Housewife caught H1N1. How did I get it? Hell if I know. My kids got sick, but not nearly as badly as I did. The hubs didn't get sick at all - but then he never gets sick. Life is so unfair! Why does mom get the worst flu of them all?
Anyway, it was the most painful flu I have ever had. Like, ever. My fever lasted for three straight days. The rest - aches, pains, chills, sore throat, pounding headache, throwing up, no appetite - is still going on. I'm on day eight and I'm still not 100%. I'm feeling better but geez, this is a long, bastard of a bug! The best part about being sick? I lost SEVEN pounds.
That's freakin better than Weight Watchers, boys and girls!
Great timing - my sister-in-law, Tiffany, and her son came for a visit last week (she bought her plane ticket months before, so this was no one but the Swine Flu's fault). I mostly tried to stay alive and spent a lot of time in bed, while she cleaned my house and played with the kids. Seriously. I feel terrible about what a crappy visit she must have had, but I'm very grateful to have had her here. The highlight of her visit was the hubby and I took her and the kids to Rainforest Cafe in the MGM for dinner and then to the M&Ms store for dessert.

We had a blast, but there's a really fucking funny story that goes along with our outing. Would you expect anything less from me and my family? Come on, now!

So it's 5pm on Friday night. The hubs, Tiffany, the three kiddos and I are walking through the MGM on our way to Rainforest Cafe. Right in front of the card tables, a very drunk, 21-year-old-looking douche bag dude is walking towards us (almost in our walking path) and says to us....

"Kids....why do people bring kids to Las Vegas?"

His drunk buddy laughs uncomfortably. Right after he says this, he is in the husband's reach. Rut roh! The husband reaches out and gently shoves this dude's shoulder. Mind you - the husband has our 3-year-old daughter on his shoulders.

It's 5pm and my husband just pushed some drunk dude. Sweet.

I'm amazed - this dude didn't even react the the shove! He keeps walking....and at that moment walks right next to me. Maybe it was my Swine-Flu induced craziness but I sternly looked straight into his bleary, red eyes and said....

"WE LIVE HERE, ASSHOLE." Did I seriously just say that? To a drunk dude? With my kids watching? And my sister-in-law and nephew watching? Nice, Tasha. Real nice job.

Amazingly, this pissed him off. Heehee.

He shouts back "Alriiiiiighttttttt, you fuckin bitch!"

By now, people at the card table were looking around at who was shouting. The husband hears him call me a bitch, turns around and starts after him with a look of pure "I'm going to kill that guy!" I get in front of the husband and tell him no, just keep walking.

My heart was pounding, and call me a sicko but, the first thing that popped into my head was "gee, he called me a fuckin bitch"! I could think of worse things I could have been called:

-FAT bitch
-STUPID bitch
-UGLY bitch

Any of those would have hurt my feelers, but somehow "fuckin" bitch kind of made me giggle. I'm just glad he didn't punch me in the face instead. Then I started thinking more about this drunk douche.

It was ONLY 5pm....and he was already sloshed?


Learn how to hold your booz and maybe one day you can play with the big kids. (This is where I roll my eyes) Obviously, I could have kicked his ass - even with my Swine Flu - and I could drink him under the table. I'm not "The Vegas Housewife" for nothing, bitches.


Never a dull moment when my family goes out. We ended up having a perfectly lovely dinner and M&Ms for dessert.

Daym, I hate The Strip on Friday nights.


Shanna said...

Too Funny!! You should have grabbed him and kissed him and shared the Swine Love! Just a little passive aggressive thought! :)

Mrs. Jeremy said...

Glad you are back!! Fucking drunks...I just hope he spent a shitload of money while he was here. Hee hee, suckas!!

KT said...

A lady I had never met before called me on the phone at work to yell at me about something. She called me a fat fucking retarded bitch. I told her she was correct about three of the things she called me and that I would let her pick which three.

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