Sunday, January 4, 2009

Get out of the fridge!

It's my last night of holiday freedom from work, so to celebrate, I'm drinking. I don't like to drink my own stuff, either. The beer that my husband bought for himself tastes much better. That way, too, I can save my own booz for a better day. Since he steals my words, I can steal his beer. Fair is fair, right? I've been saving the beer drinking for special occasions, since my ass doesn't need to get any bigger.

What's on my mind tonight?

Do kids ever stop asking for shit?

I swear my kids take turns asking me for something- anything- every five minutes ALL day long. I think they get together every morning and plan out their day- how to make mom run and piss her off.

I try really hard to be attentive.

I'm not exactly making myself look like the good mom here- I'm blogging right now- that means I'm yelling at my kids to leave me the hell alone for ten minutes...and I'm drinking.

No more wire hangers!

Did you get that one?

Yea, I'm a great mom.

But even when I'm not doing those things, my day is all about servicing my 5 and (almost) 3 year old.

From Ava, I mostly get food requests. Really they're more like demands. The girl eats twice as much food as her older brother. I have nightmares that she's going to be one of those Jerry Springer kids where the parents have to chain the fridge closed. She's constantly asking me for something. And if she's not asking for food, she's crying. Girls I tell ya! (I can hear my mom in my head laughing hysterically feeling very liberated)

Jack is getting a bit better about his demands in his old age. Two things are in my favor with him. 1- he doesn't care about food. If he doesn't like something, he just doesn't eat. Me, being a foodie, doesn't get this AT ALL. But whatever. The kid lives off of granola bars, meatballs, and cereal. 2- my husband bought him a Play Station 3. If I need him to shoo, I tell him to go play and he's gone for two hours.

Like I said, I'm a great mom.


Nicole said...

Try having 3 of them! Riley and Jax act like I freakin starve them and thank god shay is old enough to make his own damn food now! he knows how to cook a few things. Im training him early!

queen foodie said...

That's funny about the shoo to the PlayStation. Santa brought my boys a Wii and I did some very similar shooing this past week. And the food thing...I get that too. My kids can totally pass up baked goods...are they insane? Who passes up homemade warm yummies? I guess that's good, but I don't get it.

TTownDiva said...

Kevin says Rob Thomas wrote that song while walking his dog. I don't know where he gets this useless information, but he's full of it.

september said...

A very good friend was feeling guilty because she didn't want to "play" with her daughter with all the new toys that Santa brought. I do plenty of stuff with my kids and put my time in--toys are for when I need a break and shouldd, by definition, need no adult input. Kudos to you for the shooing!!

If it makes you feel any better we've learned that we can get an extra hour of sleep on Saturdays if we leave pop tarts in a ziploc bag on the counter and sippie cups loaded in the fridge. My 5 yr old can get them drinks & snacks and (just barely) can read enough to find Handy Manny on the tivo list.

God bless technology.

A Christian Mom said...

So glad to know I'm not the only one being begged for food! Em is the worst... when she's home, every hour or so (sometimes more) she's asking me for something to eat.

Right now, Livie doesn't care to much, thank God! So when Em is at school, I don't have to hear it.

Oh, btw way ("no more wire hangers!") from Mommy Dearest! Love that movie.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it funny that even at such a young age girls just WANT to eat more than boys? And I am sooo there on the drinking and eating fest. I have been a huge pig these last couple of weeks, and there has been no shortage of booze either. School starts back tomorrow so the bebauchery must end! Bummer. I love your posts, keep up the funny.

Anonymous said...

So glad my 2 are grown, now I have the Gman


Anonymous said...

I know, I know, I know, I know, I'm so THERE with you. My three year old woke up FOR THE DAY at 2:15am. I'm not joking. He spent the next five hours needing food, a DVD to watch, his PJ's put on him, juice, his PJ's taken off him, etc etc etc. I wanted to end my misery right then and there. I am the zombie mother. I'm going to shovel fruit nacks into their wide-open baby bird mouths today and not give a crap. Oh, and? We're snowed in. AUGH!

Cathie said...

My kids live by the fridge and all we have left is ranch dressing and lunchmeat. I should be shopping for food, but I rather have a colonic irrigation than shop with two children. Thankyouverymuch.

NucMEd is Hot said...

Some days I literally start pulling on my own eyelashes I love it so much!

PS-Doea this bathroom look clean to you?????

(yeah, I totally got it)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear my voice in your head is laughing hysterically, rather than shrieking like a banshee! Ideally, that voice should be (lovingly) whispering: "This too shall pass...and all too quickly I might add."

Anonymous said...

Moms are allowed to drink ya know. It's in the Moms like to drink book.

Chug away


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