Happy New Year

Wow, what a crazy year it's been. I hope you're out, doing something safe and fun. We are going to small party at a friend's house and staying the hell away from the strip. Locals hardly EVER brave the strip on New Years, in case you didn't know. I've heard enough horror stories to never attempt a NYE down there.

Stay tuned to another video blog- I have more gossip on my dumb neighbor. Juicy gossip. If you're not already educated on this crazy bitch, go here and read all about her. I'm lucky she doesn't know I have a blog, because if she did, I couldn't talk all this craptastic shit about her.

I'm finishing a blog about my most recent girl's night out. Lots of silly, drunken pictures- among others. It was another Shecky's event at the Venetian. Those are so much fun! I had a blast. That'll be up soon.

Also, today I just finished my next article for Living-Las-Vegas. It's titled "Date Night", and I feel really good about it. It has more of my "voice" than any article so far. I'll let you know when it's published!

Lots of smooches to you and your family. I wish you nothing but the best in the New Year!

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you...

Most you you probably dont know that I'm a graduate of the Las Vegas Citizen's Police Academy. It took 12 weeks to get through and was one of the coolest things I've ever done. I got to meet police dogs, shoot guns, learn about LV's CSI...I even got tased! Not once, but three times. Ouch. But I learned so much!

During that period, I made some cop friends. And now, I get to go ride along in a patrol car with one of them every so often. It's a blast! If you've never been on a police ride along, but have thought about it, GO. You'll have a hell of a day. Even if nothing dramatic happens, you'll still get your kicks off...I guarantee it.

So my most recent ride along was the craziest yet. We answered multiple calls where we had to turn on the lights and sirens and go really fast (although I wont say how fast, hee hee). It was fast enough to where I was white-knuckled in the passenger seat....and I loved every minute of it.

We pulled over speeding cars, we answered dispatch calls- one of which was a burglary alarm call, and multiple squad cars had to set up a perimeter around the location- this picture is of my police buddy waiting for the bad guys to come out. Check out the gun, people! Luckily for me, I had to stay in the car for that part.
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The grand finale was at the end of our day. We answered a domestic call- a husband and wife were fighting. When we got there, the husband had taken off (gee, surprise!), and the wife answered the door. While the officers were talking to her, her largish pit bull comes running out of the house.

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Um, yea, can you guess where this is going?

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The dog ran right up to the officer I was riding with, sniffs, and then attacks. The dog is biting his foot and leg, and the cop is yelling to his collieges "Oww, oww, shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot the dog!" while the dog is rararawawraraing at his foot. They're kind of dancing around the pavement. The other officers had their guns out, but didn't shoot because of the dance the dog and the cop were doing. While all this is happening, I'm freaking out (because I'm standing right next to visious dog attacking cop), wondering if I should run or just kick that fucking dog.....

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Anyway, long story short, the dog got tased. The dog got tased! My cop buddy was okay- his foot was bitten, his shoes and pants were ruined, and I almost had a friggin heart attack. The dog had to be taken away by animal control. In a way, I feel sad for the dog- she will probably have to be put down. I'm just glad she didn't hurt anyone. The bitten officer was very gracious about it, saying it wasn't the dog's fault, and she was just protecting her territory. But still. Pit Bull + biting you = pretty scary shit.

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We had to cut the day short after that. Ha. It was one hell of a ride along. And it was only a day shift. I'm not really into being shot at or anything like that- after all, I'm just an ignorant civilian. That was more excitement than I've had all year. I guess that's what happens when you become a work-at-home mom. *sigh*

My next ride along project is going to be a swing shift. Yessssssss! Swing means I get to go out for the evening to middle-of-the-night shift. Cant wait for that one!

Things that bug me

Try not to smile at this!

Just some belly laughs to brighten your day!

Fun Activity- Popcorn Garland

Even though I work a lot, and play a lot, I still try to make lots quality time for my kids. I'm not terribly crafty or creative, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying a few Christmas projects. A couple fun things we're doing this year are baking Christmas cookies and making popcorn garland. (Notice it's all about food- heehee)

Here are easy directions on how to make popcorn garland for yourself!

Step 1: Make some popcorn. At least one large size bowl is needed, but that will depend on the size of your tree. Be sure to let the popcorn cool.

Step 2: Thread the needle, but do not cut the thread from the spool because it will take a lot of thread for the popcorn garland to cover an entire tree.

Step 3: Start stringing one popcorn at a time by inserting the tip of the needle into the center of each piece. For a more colorful garland, add cranberries to the string!

Step 4: Keep sliding it further down on the thread making room for more popcorn.

Step 5: Once you feel that you have enough garland for the size of your tree tie off the end of the thread by looping the thread. Make sure that it is well-secured, and then gently cut the thread.

Step 6: Carefully hang the garland onto your Christmas tree.

Tips:

-Letting the popcorn sit out for a while to get stale will make it easier to string, because it won't be as crisp and likely to break when you stick the needle in it.

-Plain, unbuttered and unsalted, popcorn is less likely to attract bugs.

-Waxed dental floss is stronger than thread.

-Do not let popcorn burn and do not use burned popcorn.

-Seasoned or flavored popcorn is likely to attract bugs.

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-Have fun!

New Living-Las-Vegas reading!

A new article is up! I even took all the pictures in this one. Go check it out and leave a comment. It would be much appreciated!

Aliante Station Comes to North Las Vegas

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A special note from Rosemary's Restaurant

Rosemary's Restaurant has started an amazing new program called Community Tuesdays. For the entire year of 2009, when you dine at Rosemary's on a Tuesday, 5% of your total bill will be donated to a specific charity. If you happen to visit on another day, and still want to donate, there will be a donation jar available. ALL of the proceeds from the jar will go towards the monthly charity.

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Here's the list of charities that will benefit each month:

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January - Make a Wish

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February - The Shade Tree

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March - Sunrise Children's Foundation

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April - Habitat for Humanity

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May - Firefighters of Southern Nevada, Burn Foundation

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June - Nathan Adelson Hospice

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July - aFAN, Aid for AIDS of Nevada

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August - Las Vegas Humane Society

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September - Three Square Food Bank

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October - Susan G. Komen Foundation

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November - Opportunity Village

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December - Leukemia & Lymphoma Foundation

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If you'd like more information, you can email me at Tasha@thehousewifediaries.com, or click the Community Tuesdays link above.

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It's a fantastic program- you get a delish meal and get to contribute to a great cause! Hope to see you there!

A rare happening in Las Vegas!

I'm going to make a Christmas album- Ahrooo!

Have you ever noticed that everyone has a Christmas album out?

There are some music artists out there that have made excellent variations of the Christmas classics, like James Taylor and Harry Connick. Enya just came out with a new Christmas album and it's fantastic....if you like that sort of thing.

But when I hear Bob Seger singing "Jingle Bells", so help me, something's gotta give. There needs to be a Christmas album rule for

people like this. Not just anyone should be allowed, because if they are, then we're all stuck listening to them.

Did Bob Seger seriously say to himself "Hym, you know what? I love to sing so much that I'm going to sing me some carols and record them! It'll be craptastic!"

Ummmm, dude. I like listening to you when I'm at a smoky pool hall, drinking warm Coors Lites and and talking to a guy named Snake, but I dont need you singing me Christmas carols.

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Who told him this was a good thing? Who would actually buy that album? The bikers? The cougars? That guy named Snake at the pool hall?

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And Bob, if you're reading this, go out get as many of those albums back as you can, and burn them. Give me a call and I'll help you.

Rules to Living in Las Vegas

I didn't write this, so I dont want to take any credit for it. However, it's fucking funny to us Las Vegas locals... so enjoy!

1. First, it's pronounced LOSS-VAYGUS. It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has it's own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them. (Seriously people- dont forget your balls at home, because you're going to need them on the roads!)

3. All directions start with, "Go down 95...'cause you don't want to get on 15."

4. Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end.

5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive."

6. The 8:00 am rush hour is from 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends sometime late Sunday night.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las Vegas. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue.

8. If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for a casino. You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your "Gaming Tag" around the collar of your white shirt or clipped on to your belt loop of your black tuxedo pants. 98% of the people within a 200 mile radius work for a casino. When someone says "Steve Wynn", casino employees are trained to face the Strip, hit their knees, kneel, and say "Praise Steve" three times. (Ha ha!)

9. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd, Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd, Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

9A. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs ask your middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it.

9B. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are 30miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and.......". Again this is just another way to harass the 5000 newcomers every month.

9C. Many major roads just end abruptly at a house/Home Depot/Casino/McCarran International Airport Runways and start again after the interruption, that was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. Just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to Nellis.

10. If moisture is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow, blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend.

11. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it.

12. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd if you do not like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun".

Conversations with DH

To read other conversations I've had with DH ('dear husband'), go here and here. Trust me, they're worth the click. There's talk of fishy-smelling women and chewing gum. See, I knew you'd want to know about fishy women!

A little background on this week's conversation- I have this game, where I come up with a really ignorant word, and then use it as much as I can. There's nothing better than a (conservative looking) mom using the words "holy champagne supernova!" all day. Other past words I've already used out are "sweet", "craptastic" and "radical". If it's a really good word, it'll get a reaction like

"Did you just say radical?"

"Like, totally!"

Get the idea? Okay, so my dear, sweet husband has started stealing my words. The nerve! Here's how it goes between us:

Him: That person's driving was craptastic.

Me: Hey...that's my word.

Him: I'm married to you, so I get to use any word you use... by default.

Me: Dude, go find your own word. I work really hard to find just the right ones....and then you go and take them for yourself. Go find your own damn word. (I try not to call my husband "dude" very much, but sometimes it just fits, ya know?)

Him: I like your words better.

Me: Have you even tried to come up with your own?

Him: No.

Me: Why not?

Him: Because I can just use yours.

Me: (Swears under my breath)


So now my goal is to come up with a word that is so bad, that even the husband wont use it. I'll let you know when I come up with something. Any ideas?

Ewwww!

So help me god....my sweet, girlie-girl daughter has started picking her nose.....and EATING her boogers.

Disgusting.

How do I stop this?

My son is a nose picker, too. But he never had the urge to eat them. Okay, I can deal with that.

I scold Ava when she does it, but she seems to enjoy it. Are you throwing up yet? I'm thinking I need to send her to a booger-eating shrink so she cant work out her booger-eating problems.

What do you think?

Absolutely Brilliant!

Ahroooooooo!

This is the funniest video I've seen in a long time. Watch it all the way to the end- it just gets funnier.

Want to see it again? CLICK HERE!

Ask The Housewife

Always wanted to know something about Las Vegas? Have a question about parenting? Or blogging? Or just want to be a smart ass and have nowhere to let it out? I know I feel like that ALL the time!

Welcome to Ask the Housewife! A blog where I will answer any question you throw at me.

Come on, make it a hard one. I will guarantee an answer to your question...I just dont guarantee what the answer will be. Hee hee

Then and Now

Welcome to the second edition of Then and Now! If you missed the first one, go here to catch up and then come back. This week's topic...bras!

Here's an advertisement from the 50s: THEN


Nice, eh? Okay, first of all, this bra reminds me of how my boob looked at the Chef's Dinner...pointy! And what's with the creepy animal heads she's wearing? Is that a masquerade party, 50s style? Eww. That wouldn't have been be sexy and fun for me, it would have just given me nightmares...

Who wants to sleep with a hippo with pointy tits?

NOW

This is called the "plunge bra". Have you seen one before? A couple of my Vegas girlfriends have this bra, so I've seen it in action. I love my girls because, any time they get a new and improved bra, they are happy to share the news and show me how well it fits. We've had meaningful conversations about this bra! It looks amazing with a low-cut dress. I need to get one for myself.

The point of this bra blog? Bras have changed a lot in the last 50 years. Thank god.