Just for shits and giggles, here's a little preview of what's to come:
Friday, August 29, 2008
Just for shits and giggles, here's a little preview of what's to come:
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Camels? What? Where he got this, I have no clue. Where did he come up with camels? It's not like we see them at the make-believe Las Vegas zoo (we don't have a zoo, duhhhh).
And why does he think they smell bad? They do smell...but.... huh?
Monday, August 25, 2008
Okay people, you remember this one, right? Sometimes my hubby and I will be arguing ("talking") about something, and to lighten the mood, I will yell "fair is fair!" and the husband cant help but roll his eyes and answer me "Okay, Billie Jean." The music in this film doesn't get any better- Pat Benatar and Billy Idol are on the soundtrack, among others. It's one of those "I'm a girl, dont fuck with me" kind of soundtracks. Wait, did I just say fuck? It also has a young and yummy Christian Slater in it. Nowadays he's kinda creepy looking and geez, his forehead is HUGE. Time for some hair plugs?
Rocky III. "If I can change, then you can change! And then everyone can change!". Cheeseball goodness. I saw this for the first time in the theatre for a birthday party in 3rd grade. This is the one that Apollo Creed dies in, and it has the best soundtrack if you're into 80s music. I actually work out to some of the songs on here.
Friday, August 22, 2008
My husband and I know a couple people like that. Our favorite "blurter" just happens to be our next door neighbor. Let me first say that she and her husband are very kind to us. They've watched our kids for us, they helped build our kid's swing set, they've watched our house when we were out of town. They've done LOTS of nice things for us. However, when you're with the wife...let's call her "Sherry".....you never know what kind of crap is going to come out of her mouth. My husband and I often leave her giving each other silent looks of "did she just say...?" and then "uh, yea, she said it." There's usually lots of uncomfortable giggling along with it.
For instance, a few years ago my husband and I were in the process of rearranging our house for Ava's birth. We didn't have anywhere to put some of our furniture so, naturally, we stored it in the garage. One day while we were in our garage with the door open, "Sherry" walks over and says:
"When are you guys going to get rid of all that crap in your garage?"
We gave her a polite, sort of stunned answer. I don't think she even knew how her sentence came out, but it left me wondering what the comment was all about. We aren't messy people. In fact I think we're extremely organized. At least my husband is, so I get it by association. Our stored furniture is neatly stacked and stored. On top of that, we have kids. Sherry doesn't. Kids require you to have stuff.
Another time, right after I had my breast augmentation surgery (literally like 4 days after), she came over for something and immediately started to stare at them. No glances...just a straight out stare. That's fine. I ain't shy. So I said something like "what do you think?" and she replied with:
"I'm just glad they aren't mine!"
Um okay. Thanks? I think they look great, too.
So this kind of thing happens more and more- the more comfortable she gets with us, the more crap comes out of her mouth. My hubby and I have turned it into a game.....what kind of inappropriate shit will she say today? It's been fun.
Here's the most recent-
Husband was leaving for work. He kisses me goodbye and walks to his car. I lose site of him around the house. He starts walking back to the front door after a few minutes.
Me- "What's wrong?"
Him- (with a smirk on his face) "I just talked to Sherry out there."
Me- "Ohhhhhhh, what did she say!!!??" I can hardly stand the suspense.
Him- "Well, I was taking the trash can out to the curb, and she was in her car. She rolled down her window and said 'woo woo, if my trash man looked liked that I would....' and I didn't hear the rest."
Me- "Like she was woo wooing you?"
Him- "Yea. And then I said that we should have them over for a BBQ before summer is over." (this is common for us to get together like this)
Me- "Yea, good idea."
Him- "And then she said...and yes she really said this...'let's have a nudy party!'"
Me- "She said WHAT?"
Him- "She said 'let's have a NUDY party.'"
Me- "A nudy party? Like a NAKED party?"
Him- "Yea, I think so." (now he's looking really uncomfortable, bless his heart)
Him- "I know."
Me- "She has a crush on you!" (this is a new thing)
Him- "No she doesn't. Maybe she wants to see you naked."
Me- "Um no, she already told me she hates my tits."
Me- "Sherry and Matt, sittin in a tree...."
Him- "Shut up."
So apparently, my neighbor wants to have a naked party for our next BBQ. I think I'll pass.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I don't know if you've noticed, but the vintage look is pretty popular. Just take a look around the blogs and you'll see pictures of vintage women all over the place. Now, although a lot of people like the look, most wouldn't have the balls to actually wear the look. For example, would you go to the pool with this on? Yeah, I didn't think so. Me either. But the dresses are gorgeous...I would totally wear one to a company party.
I am a nut for 40s era anything. My family knows this- I used to do my housework to Big Band music. My husband would come home from work and give me a look that said "What the hell are you listening to?". Uhhh, Big Band, honey. Duhhh. My favorite Christmas collection is a 40s Christmas. Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby singing the carols? It doesn't get any better than that. I love 40s inspired fashion, too.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Me- "Wanna piece of gum? (Then doing my best David Letterman impersonation) Ya got any gum? Ya, ya, ya got any gum?"
Him- (giggling) "Sure"
I pass him a piece of gum. He looks at me expectantly.
Him- "Break it in half."
Him- "It's too big."
Him- "It's too big."
Me- "The gum?"
Me- "It's a piece of gum. Just chew the whole damn piece."
Him- "You know I don't like a whole piece. Tear it in half for me."
Me- "And if I dont, you're going to tear it in half, and then you're going to leave the other half of the piece somewhere random, and then I'm going to find it in a month. It's really too big?"
Him- "Yes....(pauses) but you can say that to me anytime you want."
Me- "What? It's too big?"
Friday, August 15, 2008
I am constantly changing my workout mix on my ipod, because you can only exercise to Britney and Timbaland so many times......
This week my new favorite song is called "Just Dance" by Lady GaGa. Click the link to listen to a preview.
It's fresh and funky. The words are pretty funny, too. It's the perfect tempo for my favorite piece of equipment right now: the elliptical. It burns twice as many calories as a fast walk on the treadmill. I'd be running but it's just too damn hot...even IN the air conditioning. So the running will have to wait until October. In the meantime, the elliptical is my friend.
What do you listen to while you're feeling the burn? I'm always looking for new music!
Oh, and by the way, my ass looks JUST like the one in this picture. You believe me, don't you?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
If you missed the first two YKYLILV, go here and here.
Please take note- I gave my hubby free reign to write whatever the hell he wanted, so don't say I didn't warn you. This blog post was written by a man, so it almost has to be a teeny tiny bit offensive... am I right? I can just smell the dirty socks and farts now....
After reading this post, I think you'll be laughing as much as I was. He's pretty funny when he wants to be! Enjoy.
You know you live in Las Vegas when....
You don't need to hit the local "adult bookstore" to get your masturbation material. Just use the billboard, bus, and taxi cab ads to get your inspiration. Costs less and equally effective.
Your best friend from 7th grade calls to let you know he is coming to town. "Hey man, can you hook me up at The Bellagio for the weekend? You have some contacts, right?" Dude, I haven't seen you since before my voiced changed.
Seeing a car upside down on the freeway is no biggie. Move along.
You have had at least 3 nails in your tires in the last month.
Taking a left off of Las Vegas Blvd. into any casino valet involves dodging clueless pedestrian tourists who ignore the DONT WALK signs. DONT FREAKING WALK, I'm driving over here!!!!!
Tourists look at you weird when you say you live in Las Vegas. "You live here?"
You drop your friend off at the casino and pick him up 3 days later, and he is still wearing the same shirt.
Dinner and a show costs you $500.
You look in the paper and U2, Madonna and Sting all all playing Vegas the same night. And you can't afford to see any of them.
Your 4-year old can name all of the casinos.........and has his favorites.
You have a constant "ding ding ding ding ding ding ding" in your head from the slot machines.
You have a brick fence.
You have 2 air conditioners at your house....one for upstairs, the other for downstairs.
Your monthly summer electric bill is $867, your water bill is $450, and your gas bill is $8.
Your home has been worth $500,000 and $200,000 in the same calendar year.
So there you have it. Stay tuned for more guest posts by my DH, Matt. The next one will be about:
Why men are so addicted to FANTASY FOOTBALL!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you where we were? We all went to a "Girl's Night Out" event, hosted by Shecky's. Luckily, it was at Tao nightclub in the Venetian because I had never been inside Tao before then. Tao is supposed to be the best (so take a mental note if you ever come to Las Vegas and want to go dancing)!
The Shecky's tickets were hella cheap, and it was open bar inside (whoo hoo!). The event brings together designers from all over, and you can browse their clothes, jewelry, and everything else under the sun (we were even talking to a vendor about sex lotions...seriously). This is an ingenious event in my opinion. Women... drunk shopping? How can you go wrong?
So after a long night of shopping (hard times, I know), the girls gorged themselves on cheese fries and greasy hamburgers at Johnny Rockets. There's just something special about late night, drunk eating.....don't you think? I, being the only sober one (seriously!), took a cheese fry rain-check and headed home to enjoy my goodie bag and get a good night's sleep.
Friday, August 1, 2008
It's just like taking an afternoon vacation. In my old age, I prefer the "old strip" smaller hotel pools as opposed to the large newer pools (like Mandalay or The Venetian). Wanna know why? Because at the old strip, there are normal looking people there. You can weight more than 100 pounds, and there are women with regular bodies (gasp!). I can walk around the pool and not feel like an elephant among a bunch of deer.
At most of the (new) strip pools it's like a sex party full of really skinny, beautiful people. These pools aren't like any normal pool. I used to be able to hold my own among the tigers-five to ten years ago, but nowadays, I look like a regular mom who likes to eat. I'm okay with that for the most part, but still, I don't want to be the one hiding behind a palm tree because I'm scared someone will throw up after looking at my ass in a swimming suit. I dont want my kids to see me doing that, either. I can see it now....."Mom, what are you doing behind that tree?". Yeah.
Maybe I'd be a better mom if I was more worried about my kids, instead of myself- this is where you can call me narcissistic- but hell...when we're at a pool my kids only care about swimming. A bomb could go off next door and they wouldn't even hear it. No need for food, or drinking fluids, or anything else needed to stay alive. If they are in the pool, all is right in the world.This past weekend we went to The Golden Nugget pool. Click the link to see more fun info on it! They completely renovated the whole place earlier this year, so the pool is fantastic. There's plenty of comfy lounge chairs, a bar, a couple of tiki huts with games of blackjack going on underneath, and fun, poppy music blasting from every corner of the grounds. The best part? There is an enormous fish tank built in the middle of the pool! It has yellow fin tuna, sharks, and who knows what else calmly swimming around inside. The water slide even goes through the tank! The kids went nuts when they saw it.
The husband was happy to take the kids into the water while I sipped a margarita and relaxed. We stayed for a couple of hours and had a blast. I'm really looking forward to the kids getting a little older and they're able to swim on their own. They're both water babies so I know I wont have to wait long. In Las Vegas, the kids dont take swimming lessons until September...because before then, it's just too damn hot to be outside by the pool to watch them. So their annual lessons aren't for another month and a half. I guess I'm lucky they don't mind their floaties!