Deep Thoughts

Have you seen the Listerine commercial out right now? Do people really shake a huge mouthful of it around in their mouth with a big smile on their face? It makes me cringe every time I see it. All it does for me is burn the shit out of my my mouth and make my eyes well up with tears. I hate the stuff. It's supposed to feel good- not burn all the living tissue in your mouth off....right? Ew.

There's just something about the word "antiseptic" that I don't like...

And for your viewing pleasure, here's a few fun Listerine pictures I found while Googling. People used to put in on their armpits for the smell, and their heads for dandruff. See, I told you that crap shouldn't go in your mouth.

Ask The Housewife: Your Answers Are Up!

Thanks to everyone that asked me a question. If you missed the first 'Ask The Housewife' blog post, go here. Okay, here we go!

Have you ever actually WON any money gambling? Yes, a lot. I'm a really good Blackjack player- it's the only game I play. Like poker, it takes a few hours of sitting at a table to earn up some winnings, but the last time I was at a casino and actually gambled I paid the babysitter with my winnings for that night ($80) and still had a lot left over! So if you ever need Blackjack lessons, I'm your gal.

What part of Colorado did you live in and for how long? I've lived all over the Denver suburbs. I grew up in a burb called Arvada. I went to Wheatridge High School (another burb). I've lived in Arvada, Wheatridge, Lakewood, Littleton- all suburbs. For about 6 months I even lived within the Denver city limits. I heart Denver. I never knew how good I had it there until I moved away.

How far do you live from the strip? About 15 minutes. I have a fabulous view of the strip from my bedroom window. It makes for a great view of the casinos' fireworks on New Years!

How in the world do you start potty training? Especially when the kiddo would care less! Sounds like you need to wait a few more months. That's the answer you wanted, right? Ha! My best advice would be to get a little potty and set it out in the middle of the living room floor. Then, let your little guy run around without any pants on all day. He'll get the idea. It can make for some very messy accidents BUT...it works. Trust me, dahling.

Have you eaten at Nobu in Vegas, and is it as good as they say? (I'll be there in Aug and am thinking about it.) Nope. Never eaten there. As silly as this sounds, my husband and I don't get out much. But he and I both have heard from locals that it's GOOD...so I say GO and let me know how it was!

What is your favorite cocktail to make? Fave to drink? Hym. When I was bartending, I liked to make the showy drinks- Flaming Dr. Peppers, Wisconsin Lunchboxes, Black & Tans, I could even leave a 4-leafed clover (while pouring) in the foam of a Guinness. My new project now is learning to perfect the Infused Cocktail recipe. But when I'm feeling lazy and hot, a good old fashioned beer will do me better than anything.

I'm coming to Vegas in February of next year and my friends want to drag me to the dam, the chocolate factory, and the wax museum. I'd rather be in the spa or at a buffet. Who's right? Ask yourself this: Would you rather be skinny and educated, or fat and ignorantly happy? I know what I'd want for my vacation.

I love watching Hells Kitchen. There is a restaurant from the show in Vegas owned by chef Ramsey. My question is have you ever eaten there? Matt loves this show, too. I don't get it. I cant stand watching Ramsey get paid to be an asshole to his contestants....when I know he's really not like that. But that's what makes good TV! And no, I've never eaten there. The restaurant is in the Red Rock Casino in the western burbs of Las Vegas, and I have yet to even see the inside of that hotel/casino. It's on my list, though. If you come to visit, I'll take you. We can drink and yell and swear at each other and say "Shut it down!" and "This is shit!" in our perfect English accents.

What's the best way to get grease stains out of clothing? Throw them away?

What will you miss the most if you ever leave Vegas? Oh, we WILL leave. Soon. LOL. I will miss the nightlife, the excitement, and the freak watching....dontcha just LOVE to freak watch? I do. I will probably miss the casinos a bit. I will miss the easy, warm winters. But most of all, I will miss the friends I have made here. You can see from my pictures that I have amazing friends.

Have you seen any celebrities in Vegas? No! Amazingly no. I am always on the lookout, though. I would totally turn paparazzi and take a bunch of pictures so I could sell them to OK Magazine and make a bunch of money. Oh wait....I did see Vin Diesel at a little place called Firefly. He was having dinner with some chick- not a cute chick btw- and everyone was totally leaving him alone. He was just having dinner in the middle of the dinning room! He looked A LOT smaller that he is on the big screen. Still bald. Okay looking but not nearly as 'hot' in person. I actually saw a TON more celebs bartending at The Bar Leucadian outside of San Diego than I have in the entire 4 years of living in LV.

What do you love about being married to my brother/hate about being married to my brother? I love everything about being married to your brother. I hate nothing. Things I wrinkle my nose at are: his bed farting, his sometimes hot temper, his OCD habits. But, would I live without them? No way, because that's what makes him him. Things I adore: His constant commitment to his entire family, his excellent husbandness- he always calls if he's going to be late, he works really hard to improve himself as a person, his work ethics, his sincere love of being a dad, his humor, his intelligence....I could go on.

If you could live anywhere you wanted, where would you go? Tough one. At this point I just want out of Las Vegas. My first choice would be Denver. My sister, my best friends, and my heart is there. Second choice would be near family- northern CA or OK. Other places I'd like to live are WA, OR, HI.

What's the funniest thing you have encountered with your Internet monitoring job? Sometimes the things people will say to each other just blows my mind. It's like all human rules are off on a message board- it's a free-for-all, war of the words, and I'm right in the middle of it! I've definitely had to bust out my thesaurus for a reply or two.

I have a tendency to nag, what's the best way to keep myself from doing that? Drink more alcohol. It'll relax you and you wont care as much. Plus you'll be more fun to be around....heehee! I use this advice for myself all the time!

What do you miss the most about Colorado? What DON'T I miss!? I miss my sister. I miss my besties. They all have kids now (they didn't when we left) and I'm missing out on those little people. I miss the mountains. I miss the slower way of life (slower than Vegas). I miss the culture- the museums, the zoo, the parks, the communities. I miss pine trees. I miss the lakes and rivers. I miss the bars, the restaurants, the wildlife. I miss downtown.

Who's your favorite sister-in-law? My favorite sister-in-law has red hair! Heehee

How do I stop my child from putting random things in her mouth? At 4 I don't think I should have to tell her not to eat what she just found in the cracks of the car seat. Give her lots of candy. That way, she'll be more interested in her lollipop than those 4 month old crackers in the cracks of the car seats. But hey, food is food. Why be wasteful? If it's still there, it should be eaten. God made dirt and mold, too, after all.

If you could live anywhere besides Vegas, where would it be and why? See above!

If you think of another question, go ahead and ask.

Bad Mom Moment Tags are in!

Thanks to The Mom at Cheaper Than Therapy for making these! Now your job is to copy the tag and post your own Bad Mom Moment.

Bad Mom Moment #127

We all have bad mom moments, right? Yea, well I have them, too........ a lot of them. So this Bad Mom Moment is coming to you courtesy of my 2-year old, Ava.

We're at the park. I let Ava take her shoes off in the sandbox. I start looking away, probably because I was checking out the other stay-at-home mothers that were sitting by me. I turn back and see my husband running towards Ava and she is walking on her tiptoes making a horrible face. I realize the freakin sidewalk is burning her little footsies. Hubby picks her up. She's crying. I feel like shit. I should have known better. This is Vegas. It's hot. Duh me.

New Project: Girl's Weekend

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Some of my friends do this already, so why not me, too? I want to have a girls weekend. In Vegas. We could rent a bunch of cheap hotel rooms and spend the weekend at the pool, sipping pina coladas and listening to live music. We could stay up late and sleep in. Facials. Mani/pedis. Dirty jokes. And maybe a little gambling?

I could use some girl bonding time. Anyone want to join me?

Late summer, early fall? Next spring?

Vacation Blog: Part 2

Part 2: California FOOD is amazing.

To visit Part 1, go here!

There's just something about incredibly fresh fruit and seafood that gets my heart a-fluttering. I made sure we ate at as many restaurants as possible. Because, as I've said many times before, I'm a foodie. And if ya cant eat food that makes you happy while on vacation, then you might as well stay home.





My mom and I went to lunch at this little "local" beach restaurant that she suggested. We ate AT the bar- which is something I never get to do anymore. You can swear, crack inappropriate jokes, and drink in the afternoon much more easily sitting at the bar. I used to work behind one for six years so it's always a treat to be served by a fellow bartender.

My mom and I giggled and drank local white wine (me) and Long Island Iced Teas (her), while appreciating the glorious ocean views out almost every single window in the place. I had a real Caesar salad (with an anchovy on top) and a "clam chowder boat"- which was a sourdough bread bowl covered with the most velvety clam chowder I have ever eaten. My mom had scallop kabobs. She only ordered them because I begged her to- so I could have some, too. That's what good moms do!

This is my trick on how to get my kids to stay happy while we're waiting for our food to arrive: give em some cool candy. Works every time! Here's Ava enjoying a rock candy lollypop.

Later in the week, we ventured out to a bunch of sea-side places. We ate oysters, halibut, fried catfish, seafood jambalaya, more clam chowder, enormous scallops and just about any other kind of seafood we could get or hands on.

My husband actually likes oysters. That's pretty amazing since the guy didn't even try Chinese Food until he was in college. College! He grew up on meat and potatoes- just ask his sisters Tiffany and Sara- and here he is eating oysters. It's one of the very few foods I don't like.

Here's a picture of my brother and Jack at the only Mexican restaurant we ate at all week. It was fun to have fresh avocados and tomatoes in my lunch, and the salsa was yummy. Aren't they silly boys?

And here's the whole damn family out to dinner (my step-dad's treat) at an incredible Cajun-style restaurant. I had the scallops and they were like butter! So good. They had murals all over the walls, playing cards stuck on the ceiling, and colored beads randomly strewn throughout the place. I think this restaurant was my husband's favorite place of the entire trip. We will definitely be returning when we go back to CA.

Alexa's Birthday: Update!

We are a fun group. And amazingly, our husbands are fun, too. They even like each other. So we brought the boys with us....at least everyone else did. Mine stayed home with the kids- for a number of reasons. The main one being that we had no babysitter. Not an uncommon occurrence in our house.

We went to Gardunos for dinner- Alexa's choice. Not because she loves the place, but because- being the good hostess that she is- didn't want to break the bank with the dinner bill before we had even gotten serious in our partying. I had a peach margarita (yum!) and the scallop linguine- which was good but a little too spicy. I will admit I'm a complete wimp when it comes to spicy food. I've just never had the willpower to eat something that was so spicy I couldn't even taste it. Been there? Yea. Not me.

But there was still plenty of goofing off and giggling to make up for my burning mouth. My new boobs were a hot topic, and Alexa had a little fun with the girls. They looked great in my dress, after all. I squished them up big time for the event.

This was the view from the Playboy Club. Pretty Sweet. It's near the top of the second Palms

tower. Now, although the Playboy Club sounds cool and sexy, in my opinion the views (of the bunnies and the strip) were the best part. The Bunnies we fun to stare at. They were beautiful of course, and even the card dealers and bartenders were bunnies. But, when I'd try to go up to talk to them, they weren't friendly....not even a little......and to be blunt......they were bitches. Now, I'm sure it's a very prestigious job, and thousands of women showed up for the casting call. But I don't think it's in their job requirement to say before they agree to pose for a picture-

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"Hurry up, my break's almost over."

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Because- seriously- one of them said that to me.

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Huh? Your break? You're standing here in the middle of the room in a freakin BUNNY leotard.....can I just get a damn picture of you? And could you SMILE like you like it?

I know...I ask a lot.

This is the front of the main bar- you see this right when you step off the elevator into the club. Pretty amazing. And for the lady's enjoyment, they had male bartenders at this one. Yes! I happily ordered a $12 Long Island Iced Tea. It was a good, strong drink. But $12? Sheesh.

The girls took a moment to pose for yet another picture. I actually have a tan in these pictures, too. Makes me look better. I wish tanning was healthy, because if it was I'd do it all the time. If I'm not tan, I usually end up looking like a sickly, pale chick who eats too much. Isn't it amazing how being tan can make you look thinner? Damn! I hate that!

We finished the night at Moon. This was at the very tippy-top of the Palms tower. The views were spectacular. The music was good. It was still "early" as far as clubs go (11pm) when we got there so the dance floor was dead. I'm sorry, but I am no longer capable of staying awake until 4am to get the good club hours in. I wish I was, but the work/kids/life thing sorta gets in the way. I'm very grateful to Alexa for bringing me along to her birthday bash, though!

Overall, I had a really good time. I got to fully experience The Palms- something I hadn't done yet. They only thing I wouldn't go back to is The Playboy Club... and I wouldn't suggest it for an out-of-town guest, either. It's overrated. It's overpriced. It's just not worth it to be treated like shit just to "be there". Sorry Hef, I'll take my boobs elsewhere.

Vacation Blog- Part 1

My family and I left Las Vegas behind and spent a week in a small town in Southern California. My folks live there- luckily- so we had a beachy, relaxing time as well as plenty of quality family time, too. It felt like we were killing two birds with one stone.

We rented a little cottage just a few minutes from the beach, and about ten minutes from my parent's home. It was such a fun place to stay! The house was obviously very old...my guess was that it was built in the 1920s or 30s. The house was completely restored but still held all it's charm- where the boards lazily creek under your feet and the doors aren't meant for people over 6 feet to walk through. Where the faucets don't work all that well, and the air is clouded with history.

I love those kind of places. I would lay in bed each night and try to imagine the people who have passed through the place, and how far back those people go.....



I spent time on this swing almost every night, just after the sun went down, with my glass of red wine. I would totally put one of these on my own front porch in Vegas if it wasn't so freakin hot in the summer time. Sitting on a porch swing when it's 112 outside doesn't sound even remotely appealing.





Here's the view from the master bedroom. Fresh flowers. Lots of privacy. You can see how there was even a small gated area in the front yard for the kids.






There was lots of sturdy, antique-like furniture throughout the house. Lace drapes. Complicated bedspreads. But still a totally kid-friendly pad. I can thank the owner for that. She was extremely thoughtful and hospitable, which made my job easy.




The kids loved the place. I don't think either of them wanted to leave. They even shared a bedroom while we were there- which turned out to be fun for them and not so fun for mom and dad. But we got through it, and actually, it wasn't so bad.

I think next time, we'll rent the cottage for a month and actually summer there. That's my plan, at least.

I've been missing in action because...

The Housewife has been on vacation! Did ya figure it out?

Can you guess where I've been?

Updates coming soon!

Friday Fun

In light of Father's Day this weekend, here's a little funny for your viewing pleasure.

I've seen this 100+ times, but it still makes me laugh.

The Swear Word Diaries (adults only, please)

Warning! This blog post is NOT meant for people under 18.

How does that song go?

A time for love, a time for hate....a time for war, a time for peace.

Can I add my own line?

A time to drop the F-bomb.

There is a time and place for a swear word. As most of you know, I enjoy using one. BUT, if you start to use them too much, people get annoyed (at least I do) and, in my humble opinion, they sound trashy. A lady can swear, but she has to know when it's appropriate.

I came across a blog the other day, and no it's not on my blogroll so don't go looking for it, and it was obscene with swear words. It was a mother's blog, and she appeared to be articulate and educated in her writing style. But immediately after the page loads you see "Comment or I'll kill the fucking kitten!" on her side bar. Okay, that might be funny for a second....or more like half a second...but then I felt like saying to her- "was that really necessary?".

I agree that your blog should be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't have to be edited for children. If you want to bring out all your curse words- because you cant say them in your house- then go for it. However, when you've typed fuck 15 times- and you're only at the second paragraph- people tend to zone out.

I suppose it's all relative. I'm sure some people think I swear too much. Actually I know people think that. But please know, that when I swear, I use the word with the utmost respect. It has a place in my heart, but I will only bring it out on special occasions when I feel like it deserves a spotlight. Because when you say "No fucking way!", you want it to mean something, right?

What's your opinion?

It's too much! Stop the madness!

Things I know I need to give an update to:

Sex and the City Movie review. I know, know....that was over a week ago and I still haven't posted about how the movie was. I will. I promise. There's a penis involved. I cant skip something like that.

"Ask the Housewife" Q&A. I know you guys wont be able to sleep well at night until I answer your (awesomely awesome) questions. I'm still taking mental notes about the smart-ass answers I'm going to give. Stay tuned.

Alexa's Birthday Party update. Playboy Club! Moon! This is a good one. Lots of pictures coming for this post. But I need to clean the pics up first- you know, like cut my face out of one of my own pics and paste them into the pictures I stole off a some Vegas socialite's album.

That was a joke, btw. I really was there. And I really have those friends. Really.

I also have a few additional blogs up my sleeve that should be really good. They will give good eye candy and maybe even a laugh or two. Stephanie- this means your favorite clothes website!

But here's the thing. I'm crazy busy. I have not one, but two part-time jobs from home. Did I ever mention the second job? Oh great. Add that to the list of blogs I need to post. On top of the jobs, I have kids. 2 kids. And they're here 24 hours a day- since Jack is done with school until the fall. Sweet. Today was one of those days that I wanted to bang my head against the wall until I knocked myself out. Las Vegas isn't exactly the ideal town for having activities for small children. I keep trying to bring them with me to the casinos and they keep throwing me out. Damn.

That was another joke, btw.

Lots of events are happening for the Las Vegas Housewife in the next few weeks. Lots to gossip about. Lots to blog about. Lots of pictures to be taken. And I swear I'll share it all with you, as long as you promise to be patient with me.

Quality sarcasm takes time.

You'll get your kicks, I swear. So just sit back, relax, and pace yourself. I tell my husband that all the time.

Alexa's Birthday: Sneek Preview

Stay tuned for all the details.

The Sister-in-Law comes to visit!

As I said before, my SIL, Tiffany, made a guest appearance at my house a few weeks ago. She came from Oklahoma, where my husband and she grew up. She brought along her husband and their son (my nephew!), James who is 2 like my daughter, Ava. I had never met James until this visit, and my SIL had never met Ava. It was fun for us, since throwing toddlers together- and seeing how the react- is always fun....at least for me. Amazingly, the cousins got along fabulously. No "mine!" or tantrums until the last day of their visit. That's pretty good for 2-year-olds if you ask me.

The highlight of the visit was taking everyone down to the Bellagio. That hotel and casino is my all-time favorite. It has to most amazing flower gardens I've ever seen (or smelled). If you've been there you know what I'm talking about. The Bellagio also has enormous water fountains in front of it....and I swear, after watching them this time, they've made the water go even higher. I've seen the gardens and fountains a million times, but it never gets old. I'm amazed every time I see it.

When it was time for Tiffany to leave, I didn't want her to go. Which usually for me, after someone stays at my house, I'm ready to have it back to myself. But she and I are so comfortable- which I love- it's like she wasn't even a guest. She's the easiest, most thoughtful guest a person could host. Her family is always welcome at my house.

That includes you, too, Sara (this is my other SIL, in case you were wondering). Come and visit me- I'll show you the city the way it should be seen!

So for your viewing pleasure, here's some pictures from that weekend.

The other kinda funny thing about being on the strip is, no matter what day it is, or what time it is, there's always someone around who's getting married. There are women in white dresses everywhere you look. Amazing. I tried to be sneaky about taking this bride's picture- I wanted her to think I was taking my OWN picture- not hers. But she wasn't looking anyway, so I got away with it without looking like some crazy bride stalker.

Don't you just love 2-year-old faces? I think that's one of the best things about being a parent. These two were in awe watching the little fountains inside. You cant really see it, but Ava and James are in a single stroller together. Yea. That's called ghetto-strolling. I actually broke a wheel off my stroller that day from doing this. Oh well. It was fun.

My Sister-in-law Tiffany and her husband, Mark. Aren't they cute? I want to thank Mark for Macgyvering my stroller wheel back on. He went and found a paperclip and somehow got the wheel back on the stroller. Men are good for stuff like that.

This is what I love to walk behind. My man and my kids. Together. *Sniff*

And at the end of a very busy day, we stuck the cousins in bed together to watch their favorite shows. Do you like Jack's Superman PJs? It even has a cape.

Ask The Housewife

Stealing this From Jen at Cheaper than Therapy. She even made me my very own post header! Yay! Thank you, Jen. XOXO!

Ever wanted to ask the Las Vegas Housewife a question? Need to know why the sky is blue? Or why you only spill food on clothes you've been wearing for less that an hour? How about why Las Vegas is so fun in some ways, and so shitty in others? Having an issue with a family member? Need kid advice? I'm here to answer any question you can think up. Challenge me. I'm pretty street smart- I've done some pretty screwed up things, and been through crap you'd just shake your head at. I also live in a pretty crazy city.

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Just ask my husband. Or my mom.

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Those experiences make me a great person to ask random questions to, right? I'll guarantee an answer to every question- which I will post on a future blog- I just don't guarantee what that answer will be. Hee hee.

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So my question to you is- are you feeling brave enough to ask me a question?

Alexa turns....

21!


Okay not really 21. But she looks MUCH younger than she actually is, and a lady never kisses and tells.

So it's Alexa's birthday, and she's invited our little girl-clan to dinner and dancing this weekend.

The night includes pink feather boas, The Palms Casino, The Playboy Club, Moon, and who knows what else..... Stay tuned for an update on how it went.