OMG apples!

Have you seen the Pioneer Woman's apple dumpling blog? I can hardly stand it. Must.......make........dumplings......

Ear Infections and $20 Martinis

Jack has his first ear infection ever. Poor boy. He isn't feeling well, but his little boy brain just wants to keep going. I guess I should feel lucky, since we got through his first 4.5 years of life without a single infection. But it still isn't any fun! I took him (with Ava in tow) to the doctor this morning (with big ice cream cones afterward for a reward). It was rough! I love my kid's doctor. But it takes half of our day just to get seen. We're home now, we're all beat, and we're all kind of grumpy. The only thing keeping me positive is obsessing about my weekend date. Here's what we're doing-

Rum Jungle for dinner. Looks nice, eh? I was taking a look at the sample menu earlier and started slobbering all over my keyboard. It turns into a club later on in the night and OMG...they have cage go-go dancers! This is my secret dream job....don't tell anyone I told you, though.

After dinner, we're heading up to the Foundation Room. The cool part about this is it's exclusive. It's like a Vegas style country club. You cant get in unless you have a membership, which costs a ridiculous amount of money each year. Now, don't go thinking I paid for something like this- because that is soooo not my style. My husband's job has lots of "extras". This membership being one of them. So we're taking our friends up to enjoy the view, the atmosphere, and the $20 martinis. There's just something about a $20 martini...

Our babysitter committed to staying until 12am. Midnight! Oh my heavens! What on earth are we going to do until midnight?! I'm not sure I'll be able to make it until then, but I will certainly try.

These little things make me feel like I'm still "cool", since 99% of my time is spent in sweats (with food and boogers all over them), at home, with no makeup on. If I'm lucky, I'll get to talk to another adult each day- other than my husband, who is a great person to have a conversation with but, I like a little variety sometimes. So I have to hold onto my cool moments as much as I can.

Now I'm off to aid my poor boy and his ear!

You guys, I have a DATE on Saturday night! An actual date! Dinner reservations- check. Dress to wear- check. Babysitter- CHECK! Husband- check. Whoo hoo! I'm so excited.

We going with a big group of "couple friends". Do you have any of those? You know... a girlfriend, that has a husband, that your husband likes, too? It's good to have 'couple friends', don't you think? It makes things so much more interesting. Not that my girlfriends aren't interesting enough- God bless you guys. I think any friend of mine is a good one for having to put up with me! And if they have a husband (or boyfriend) that will put up with me, too, then I'm in good shape.

Okay, back to the date. We have been planning this date night for....gosh, over a month. We old, parental people need lots of notice for such a big event. Remember the days when you wouldn't start even planning your night until about 9pm?

I like to prepare the week before to look pretty....because you know it takes more work to look pretty the older you get. I figure by the time I'm 50 I'll have to start preparations a month before a date. I can see it now: "No, honey, I cant go out with you next weekend...I need at least 14 more days to moisturize...". I try not to be a "pretty snob", either. I like my girl stuff but, if I find a good bargain, you can bet your underwear that I will use it instead of the expensive stuff.

Some of my favorite "pretty" things are Hawaiian Tropic tan in a bottle. I actually like this kind better than Jergen's. It doesn't stink as badly (you know that smell you reek of when you use this kind of product? Eww), and it seems to work quicker for us frighteningly pale gals that need a quick fix.

Mineral foundation. I'm not sure I love this yet. I like it, I can appreciate the idea behind it, a lot of my girlfriends swear by it, BUT...I don't think it's made for wrinkles. Remember I told you I have a few of those. This foundation kind of sits on the wrinkle, it doesn't "blend" as you would think a foundation would. At the same time, the stuff feels great on my face. I'm on the fence, but I'm giving the stuff a fair chance to win me over.

Lip Gloss! Now really, any lip gloss will do. If I'm feeling cheap, the ELF (eyes lips face) lip glosses are fabulous. If I'm feeling like my lips need a little TLC, then I use Almay's lip gloss.

A new thing for me is fake eyelashes. I have no idea how to use them, but I got some and am going to try them out this weekend. Don't laugh. Has anyone ever gone to the emergency room to remove a fake eyelash from their eyelid?

A good pair of shoes. Every woman loves a pair of shoes that makes her feel good, right? I have new shoes, and will be wearing them on date night. I haven't broken them in yet, so it should be an interesting night for my feet.

Check back for pictures of our date on a future blog!

Where have all the babysitters gone?

Babysitter needed. Must never have gone to prison or stolen a car. Must be able to handle more than one task at a time- preferably 20 at a time. Must refrain from hitting the kids or the cat. Must not drink and smoke until after the kids go to bed. Must not have head lice, ringworm, hepatitis, herpes, or any other contagious

diseases. No stealing my jewelry, TV, or other valuables. No porn rentals. No biker boyfriends coming over. Interested? Call me!

No really......

It seems like a good babysitter is almost non-existent. And if she's good, she's not dependable. And if she IS dependable, then she's too busy. It's always something.

It really, really sucks not living near any family. I've been trying to find a babysitter for years!

My kids are easy. They go to bed early. They don't make a fuss at bedtime. We pay pretty well- and compared to what I used to get babysitting we pay GREAT. Where have all the babysitters gone?

You can only ask your friends and neighbors to watch your kids so many times before they start avoiding your phone calls.

My favorite sandwich this week.

Ingredients:

Sara Lee whole grain white bread

Turkey lunch meat (it has to be a good kind)

Pepper Jack cheese (this is the secret ingredient!)

Lots of mayo

Lettuce

Salt and pepper

Put it all together and YUM! I like to have a few Lays BBQ chips with it. Is it a healthy sandwich? Nope. Is that what makes it so good? Yep.

The Gym Diaries

Have you ever been to the gym? Do you notice the other kinds of people that are there with you?

People watching at the gym is pure entertainment for me. It's even better than zoning out to my ipod sometimes. It seems like every day I come home with a new gym story to tell my husband. Here are some of the colorful people that go to my gym:

The Meat Heads. You know, the mid-twenties to late-forties guys. They have (or think they have) big muscles. They lift weights that are too heavy for them. They make disgusting, silly noises when they lift like "Doy! Doy! Doy!". They sneak glances at me and my friends but pretend to be completely consumed by looking at their muscles. They sweat. A lot. Eww.

These guys are some of my favorites to watch. My girlfriends and I, while lifting our ten pound weights, giggle to each other listening to theirs "ARGHS!" two mirrors down. They talk about things like where they used to lift, or where their buddies lift, or where they fix cars or ride motorcycles.

The Housewives. These are the women that go to get a break from their kids. Some of them are overweight, trying desperately to lose that baby weight. Some are toned and perfect because they go to gym it 6 days a week (and are vegetarian and run 5Ks every weekend). Some are there with their friends, strictly for the social hour. I am all of the above.....except the vegetarian and 5K part.

The Strippers. This is Vegas, after all. No offense to strippers. I'm actually kind of jealous they get to dance around on a pole all night. These kind of women are bleached blond, very skinny, and have HUGE breasts. Not big like "wow she's got big boobs". Big like "OMG those are the biggest boobs I have EVER seen!". Seriously. There is one woman at my gym in particular, who I lovingly refer to as "Tits", who has the biggest breasts I have ever seen in my life. They are obviously fake. I just wonder why on earth she would choose to have boobs that size. But, she has all eyes on her when she walks in....maybe that is the idea?

The Seniors. I have nothing but respect for this group. They're grey, they're wrinkled, some come in walking with canes, but they still manage to get 20 minutes on the treadmill. Amazing people. I hope I will have the nerve to be as health conscience as them when I'm that age.

The Skinnies. This group doesn't need to be in the gym at all. Where is the muscle that they are working? These people are super skinny, borderline eating disorders (and maybe more), and need to be out having a meal instead of busting their (skinny) asses on the stair-stepper.

My husband has an obsession. This car. He looks at pictures of it online every day. He watches the online videos of the advertisements. He takes secret trips to the dealership to look at it ("honey, I'm going to "run a few errands!"). He's even test driven one (or two... or one hundred?) and never stops talking about it.

Sure, it's a nice car. It has leather, stereo, navigation system...everything you could possibly want in a car- and probably some things that I haven't even thought of. But, it's just a car. I don't get it. I've never been a "car person". Don't get me wrong, I have a very nice car of my own. I love it. My car and I have a relationship. But it's an affordable car- it's a Hyundai. I'm not ashamed to say it.

So most of my husband's thoughts (and wet dreams? lol) are about this car right now. His plan is to buy one in August ...when our family funds permit him to. "Okay honey" I say, "you deserve it". And what I'm really thinking in my head is : I cant wait to take that baby out on the freeway!

Would this make me a bad mom?

Earplugs. What an ingenious invention. I wish I had thought of it. The actual definition of earplugs is: "An earplug is a device that is meant to be inserted in the ear canal to protect the wearer's hearing from loud noises." I love the word "protect". It's here to PROTECT me! Ohhhh, god bless you, earplug!

"Loud noises" in my house are screeching, screaming, crying, bickering, sometimes meowing and barking- or other animal noises if the kids are feeling creative. If I'm really lucky, it'll be all of those noises at the same time.

Throughout the day, I wish I could put a pair of these babies in. The "noise" starts in the early morning hours, usually around 6am. Instead of getting up and getting the kids up (because they have been awake for an hour already), I could put my earplugs in and sleep in. Sleep in! I don't even remember what that is!

As the day goes on, the noise only increases. If I had my earplugs, I could just do my usual things without getting interrupted by the screeching of my daughter (which sounds like a dying cat, btw), or the constant demands of my son.

If I had my earplugs, I could sleep a whole 7 hours straight. I don't think I've done that in about 5 years. No wonder why I'm getting wrinkles. I'm proof a person can survive on little or no sleep for long periods of time (but I cant guarantee my sanity with that).

I think I even might start offering earplugs at my door. That way everyone will enjoy their time in my house.

So St. Patrick's day is just around the corner. Squeal! For those of you who dont know this, St. Patty's Day is one of my favorite holidays. It's a fun way to celebrate some of my heritage, listen to some good music (yes, I like Celtic music thank you very much), drink a pint, and most of all EAT. Did I tell you I like to eat?

This year, I decided to get really crazy and throw a party for my closest friends. It's an even better day- when you can eat and drink and listen to music- with other people! It just so happens these other people are a lot of fun, too. Lucky me!

To make your own corned beef and cabbage, get a great recipe here. It's the most delish, buttery, fatening plate of goodness you'll ever eat. Stay tuned for pictures of my party in a future blog! Oh, and BTW, I'm not serving green beer. It just turns your tongue and lips green and makes you look like a total idiot. I wouldn't want to do that to my good friends....heehee.

Housewife Proverbs

"There is but an hour a day between a good housewife and a bad one."

Implant wishes and boobie dreams.....

T-minus ONE MONTH until I get my own pair of these babies. Seems kind of freakish when you look at them like this, eh? At least it does for me. I had a boob dream last night. I dreamt that I was a teacher (ha ha funny) and I was trying to teach my students with these ridiculously large breasts. They were so big I couldn't cross my arms. They were so big they were interfering with my teachings. The worst part was, they kept falling out! HA! I had to keep putting them back in. Detachable breast implants? I'm so sure! (see there's another one of my ignorant words)

I'm almost positive I'll be having more of these boobie dreams. In the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy the ones I have for these last 30 days.....tick tock.......

Like, oh my god! And other ignorant words I like to use.

I think my vocabulary is pretty good. My mom is a technical writer, so it better be. I have fond memories of her correcting my english, and of her and me going through the correct pronunciation of a word that I just couldn't get. Just yesterday, we were talking about the difference between further and farther, and how the words commonly get misused.

However, there's nothing like busting out a word that- however ignorant it makes you sound- makes you feel so good! I have a lot of these kind of words. I say "like" a lot. I say "totally", too. Sometimes I'll get really crazy and combine the two: "like, totally!". Here are some other words that I use and I'm not ashamed to admit it:

Hella

Sweet!

Oh my gawd!

Whatever! (preferrably done with the hand 'W', too)

Whatevs (this is the cooler, shortened version- my husband hates this one... hee hee)

Dude (this is one of my favorites)

Family comes to visit

My brother-in-law, his wife, and their two daughters came to visit last week. It was exciting and fun, but also totally exhausting. How do people with lots of kids do it every day and live through it? Just looking at this picture makes my blood pressure rise! But it was fun- the kids had a ball. And it was the first time in their little lives that they'd all been together. Now if we could just get them all to pose for a picture at the same time.....

How cute are these?

Baby leg warmers? Be still my beating heart! Aren't the colors to die for? Ava loves them, too. She wont be able to wear them that long, since it'll be 100+ degrees in a few months (bleh!). But it was one of those impulse buys that I couldn't say no to....it was worth it just to have this picture. You can get a pair for your own kiddo here: http://www.target.com/gp/search/601-4788745-8720136?field-keywords=leg+warmers&url=index%3Dtarget%26field-browse%3D1038590&ref=sr_bx_1_4

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I think this might be my new gift to everyone having a baby!

Valentine's Day is overrated...

...at least that's what I try and tell myself every year. It's a Hallmark holiday, created only to make money. I'm not going to contribute to such a silly marketing scheme!

BUT..... there's nothing like your husband coming home with 24 red roses. That's what mine did. And I love him for it.

Jack is sick today. He threw up all over my couch this morning. Dont you love cleaning up puke? I know I do. Especially right after I eat breakfast.

Jack's stomach flu has given me some "free" time today since he's spent the whole day in bed, but I almost feel guilty for appreciating the quiet. I guess it's my reward for cleaning up puke.

Rice Boobs

So I've decided I'm going to be open about my newest adventure: breast implants. The more I mention my plastic surgery wants to other women, the more I get "oh I want a little of that, too!". So I'll be the one to talk about it openly and let others have the fun of judging me. (BTW I told you I was odd)

Part of the "getting ready" stage is to make your own boobs- with rice in a bag- and stuff your current bra. So here's my rice boob. The implant will be about this size: 400cc. It should give me a C+ bra size. Stay tuned for more boob news in the future....cause I know you wanna read about it!

Rainbows in the desert

Okay folks, I had to share this. In NEVER rains in the desert. Well, almost never. We get about 1/2 an inch a year on average or something pathetic like that. So thunderstorms and snow are hard to come by. What's even harder to come by is a rainbow! But, if you're here long enough, it does happen eventually. I was lucky enough to see a FULL rainbow last week. It was amazing behind an almost blue sky. It was like the God was smiling at me that day. Isnt the construction below it a nice touch to the picture? I even took photography in school.

To be different

So yea. Since everyone else is doing a blog, then I guess I have to, too. I cant imagine anyone wanting to read about my boring life but, boring can be fun, and I am a bit on the odd side. That should make for something to write about.....right?