Saturday, August 9, 2008

You know you live in Las Vegas when... (A MAN'S version!)

I'm proud to announce a very special YKYLILV! It's written by my beloved husband, Matt.

If you missed the first two YKYLILV, go here and here.

Please take note- I gave my hubby free reign to write whatever the hell he wanted, so don't say I didn't warn you. This blog post was written by a man, so it almost has to be a teeny tiny bit offensive... am I right? I can just smell the dirty socks and farts now....

After reading this post, I think you'll be laughing as much as I was. He's pretty funny when he wants to be! Enjoy.

You know you live in Las Vegas when....

You don't need to hit the local "adult bookstore" to get your masturbation material. Just use the billboard, bus, and taxi cab ads to get your inspiration. Costs less and equally effective.

Your best friend from 7th grade calls to let you know he is coming to town. "Hey man, can you hook me up at The Bellagio for the weekend? You have some contacts, right?" Dude, I haven't seen you since before my voiced changed.

Seeing a car upside down on the freeway is no biggie. Move along.

You have had at least 3 nails in your tires in the last month.

Taking a left off of Las Vegas Blvd. into any casino valet involves dodging clueless pedestrian tourists who ignore the DONT WALK signs. DONT FREAKING WALK, I'm driving over here!!!!!

Tourists look at you weird when you say you live in Las Vegas. "You live here?"

You drop your friend off at the casino and pick him up 3 days later, and he is still wearing the same shirt.

Dinner and a show costs you $500.

You look in the paper and U2, Madonna and Sting all all playing Vegas the same night. And you can't afford to see any of them.

Your 4-year old can name all of the casinos.........and has his favorites.

You have a constant "ding ding ding ding ding ding ding" in your head from the slot machines.

You have a brick fence.

You have 2 air conditioners at your for upstairs, the other for downstairs.

Your monthly summer electric bill is $867, your water bill is $450, and your gas bill is $8.

Your home has been worth $500,000 and $200,000 in the same calendar year.

So there you have it. Stay tuned for more guest posts by my DH, Matt. The next one will be about:

Why men are so addicted to FANTASY FOOTBALL!


The Mom Jen said...

Great job Matt!! I love the water/electric/gas bill....CRAZY!

Anonymous said...

funny- I especially giggled at "Your 4-year old can name all of the casinos.........and has his favorites."

Big Red said...

OMG!! I'm dying over here!! I'll ask Dane his opinion but I know they aren't going to be that funny.

Brittany said...

SO FUNNY! He did such a good job!

queen foodie said...

This is very funny. Totally lives up to what I had hoped for.

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