Friday, September 3, 2010
Deep Thoughts
An hour goes by....
Daym, there it is again! Are the kids listening to something in the other room? (getting up to check) No....
Oh shit.
I have Pandora playing on my computer and I forgot I'd opened it. Nice, Tasha. Real smart. I'm too dumb to realize when I'm playing music on my own effing computer.
Yes, this really happened.
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The kids are upstairs right now, and they sound like they're killing each other:
Bump! Screaming. Some crying. One of them saying "Sorry! I'm sorry! Dont tell mom!"
Another bump. Some running across the floor above me. Door slams. More screaming. More running. More thumping. More screaming.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Do I care what they're doing?
Nope.
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My girlfriend (aka one of the Wolf Pack's founding members) and her husband are going on the surprise birthday cruise extravaganza with The Hubs and me later this month. I was on the phone with her last night and we were chatting about the trip, the food, the activities we wanted to do and the rooms we had booked.
Did I mention I booked a Penthouse Grand Suite? Heehee.
Anyway, so we're discussing the fancy rooms, and the fanciest room on the boat - the "owner's suite" got brought up. We were looking at pictures of it, and my girlfriend tells me she had showed her husband this room, hoping he'd want the upgrade. The suite was lovely; plants, marble, lots of space, views from both side of the ship....
You know what her husband's only comment was about the Owner's Suite pictures?
"Honey, did you see that they have mirrors on the ceiling over the bed??!!"
Men, I tell ya. We're taking an incredible vacation, and they have only one thing on their mind. Uh huh. Gotta love the husbands.
She didn't convince her husband to upgrade, but I can guess what they'll be doin when we get on the boat. (Cue porn music...) Being the awesome wives that we are, we plan to get Brazilians (for the second time) right before the trip.
It's ok, Hubs...you can thank me later...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Happy 40th Birthday, Husband!
Ok it was a BIG something - a cruise to Key West and the Bahamas! We get five days of kid-free, adult vacation bliss. Ahhhhhhh! Thanks to everyone for keeping the secret for me...I've been planning this surprise for over a year. It's been tough!
Here's the video of the big reveal (by the way, am I the only person who HATES hearing her own voice on video? I sound like a complete moron).
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Back to School - Time to Party!
I've heard lots of girlfriends talking about how they're disappointed the summer is over, and about how sad it will be when their kiddos return to school...
Are you kidding me?
I must really be a bad mom - I'm not sad at all. And, in fact, I'm pretty freakin happy about it.
Jack's at school again! Let the party begin! It's almost Fall! Football! Hot Wings! Crisp, fragrant mornings! Quiet afternoons! Schedules! All of that sounds good to me.
Here are a few more back-to-school thoughts I've had lately:
- The bus stop changed locations. Good thing my neighbor told me this, because if not, Jack and I would have been standing at the old stop...picking our noses....wondering where the hell the bus was. Yep, I'm a responsible mom. I dont check bus schedules, I just rely on my (even more responsible) neighbor to tell me this shit.
-Dear God, I hope that snotty, stupid brat of a girl is NOT in Jack's class this year. Is it bad that I call an eight-year-old girl a snotty, stupid brat? Well... she is. Good thing her mother doesn't read my blog! Yuk yuk yuk!
-Why do kids around here say they hate school? It seriously bugs me. You're eight. You're in second grade. Your school shit hasn't even hit the fan yet. That'll happen around 8th grade. Right now you should like school. Get excited. Have fun. Freakin enjoy yourself. You get to color and read books...how bad can it be? Seriously. I'm grateful that my boy loves school. I'm going to do my best to keep it that way.
-Is it bad to consider a martini at noon? I'm mean, just to celebrate my back-to-school aloneness...is that a word? Chocolate cake is in order, too. Anyone want to come over and celebrate with me?
-Thank God I will not have to feed the kids three times a day, every...single...day anymore. Ugh! It gets so old trying to figure out what to fix, fix it, and then hear lots of bitching "mommmm, I didn't want this for lunch!" Just shut the eff up and eat it. There are starving kids in China! Now, Jack gets to eat and school and he can complain all he wants to his friends instead.
Back to school starts Monday. Thank you, God. Amen.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Hubs Turns 40
I have some fun surprises in store for him this weekend. If you're a close friend or family member, you already know what I have up my sleeve. Tee hee! Stay tuned - I'll fill you in on all the deets next week. And trust me, you're gonna love it. A Brazilian Wax and chocolate cake is a teensy clue...
Friday, August 20, 2010
Music I'm Embarrassed to Love
Hippie music!
I love me some hippie music. Whenever I'm having a bad day, an argument with someone, or my kids are driving me to the brink of insanity (which is pretty much every day), I'll just put on a bit of hippie music on and all is right in the world again.
Here are a few of my favorites. Bust out the doobies and wildflowers and enjoy. Do you have a song to add? Let's hear it! Don't worry, I wont tell anyone...
Time Of The Season by The Zombies
California Dreamin' by The Mamas & The Papas
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Police Officer's Funeral
After a little investigating, I learned that this was a funeral for a local police detective, Ward Thomas. He was only 44.
If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that I hold a special place in my heart for police officers. I almost became one myself (if you can believe that) and have a couple close friends that are cops. It's tough to hear when an officer was lost too soon.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
My Colorado Family Reunion
Monday, August 2, 2010
Suck It Monday

Ok, ok, so I'm one day late. So sue me! Let's make it Suck It Monday instead.
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Soooooo, I replied to one of the numerous emails that the mass-emailer baseball dude sent out. Here's how it went (and truly, this is word for word)....
Me: Hi,
Please remove me from your mailing list. XXXXX@gmail.com
Thank you,
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Baseball Dude: Your child played for us in 2010, correct?
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Me: Yes, he played for a short season, but he is only six and his season has been over for a few weeks.
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Baseball Dude: If you played for us in 2010, you’re on our email list
We purge the list at the end of 2010.
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Me: You're telling me you can't just remove my email address now? I receive over 100 emails a day for my business. I really do not need any more from this league or who is playing where and when - especially since my son doesn't even play anymore. In the past four weeks (since my son's season ended), I have received 20 emails from you.
I would really appreciate if you'd remove me from the list today.
Thank you.
(Ok, I admit this was a little bitchy, but they guy pretty much refused to remove me on the first request...I should have taken that as a hint of what was to come...)
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Baseball Dude: I am not asking for anything in return by sending the emails, most are strictly informational
I receive close to 400 emails on an avg day and have never asked to be removed from an email list, especially from one of my children’s non-profit athletic league
Thanks for your support
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Let's pause here. Um wow. Now he's getting sarcastic? 'Thanks for my support?' How does he know what I put into this league? Does he know my husband helped coach the team? Or that I worked in the snack stand during my son's games?
Me: I mean no offense. I'm not sure why I have to justify (or made to feel guilty for) asking to be removed from an email list? What I didn't include in my last note was that you also have my husband's email, (which I did not asked to be removed, btw) where we can continue to collect information from.
Again, I'm sure you put lots of your time and effort into these emails, but I don't think that's any reason to be rude or disrespectful.
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Baseball Dude: Wasn’t being rude or disrespectful
We’re a volunteer organization , spread very thin
I’m not asking for money or any of your time, just for you to hit the ‘delete’ button if the emails bother you.. just like the other 450 families do in our league
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Ouch. Nice dig, dude. He certainly isn't going to win any trophies on his punctuation, is he?! This is where I email The Hubs and forward the crappy conversation I'm in the middle of. And of course, as I knew he would, The Hubs replies to Baseball Dude.
The Hubby: My wife forwarded this exchange and I have to jump in here.
First of all, it is irrelevant why we would ask you to remove us from your email list. We have the right to ask you to remove us from your DL and do not need to justify the reason for doing so.
Secondly, our son will continue to play baseball, whether it is in LGLL or another league. Again, immaterial.
As far as you being a non-profit; this is not something that is relevant. Your organization’s affiliation or status has nothing to do with the fact that we want to be removed from the email list!
About your emails being “strictly informational”. We are asking not to be informed of what is going on in the league when our son is not playing. He is 6. 6-year olds don’t participate in playoffs.
As far as your comment “I receive close to 400 emails on an avg day and have never asked to be removed from an email list, especially from one of my children’s non-profit athletic league.” Well --- (Baseball Dude), that is just a cheap shot and something I won’t stand for. I have a hard time believing that all 400 emails you receive each day are substantive and pertinent to your daily business and personal life. A large portion of that email volume has to be unnecessary and unwelcome content. To imply that, as parents, we are somehow neglecting our responsibility to our son and LGLL because we choose not to receive 5 emails a day from your non-profit league is ridiculous. Using your rationale, it would be perfectly acceptable to you if I signed up (insert baseball dude's email here) to receive unsolicited email from SOCIETY OF AMERICAN MAGICIANS MAGIC ENDOWMENT FUND, COLLIE RESCUE OF SOUTHEASTERN PA, and KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS, all non-profit organizations located in our county. I am certain that you would find their causes worthy, but not relevant to your daily life, just like we find your emails from little league.
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I admit, The Hubs email was a little long-winded but, daym, it sure was funny!
Baseball Dude's reply: You have the right to do whatever you want, including asking to be removed from our email list
My point was that I find it odd that you wouldn’t want to be included on our email list when you’re a member of our league
We’re not asking for anything in return , it’s mostly informational
I receive hundreds of unwanted emails a day, never asked to be removed. I hit the delete button
We’re working here for free for the community
If you find my responses objectionable , I’m sorry, this organization has a special place in my heart and I take it personally when someone sends me anything negative while at the same time we’re greatly short on volunteers.
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Let me get this straight, Baseball Dude. That means that you're offended that I asked to be removed from an email list? He's pulling the "volunteer" card, but he has no idea how much I've done - hello March of Dimes...The Red Cross....Share Our Strength? Those non-profits are all over my blog. And he's crying like a little baby because I hurt his wittle-bitty feelings?
And since he's offended, he gets to be a sarcastic butthole? OH YES! I get it now. I could I have been so thoughtless?
So, being the bored, sarcastic bitch that I am, I had to get my own two cents into that...
Me: Perhaps you should ask to be removed from all those unwanted email lists - then you might not be 'strung so thin' and would have more time to devote to your volunteer projects. I've found that organizing emails is much more effective than simply "hitting delete".
I don't appreciate your sarcasm or jabs at me being an unsopporting parent.
Thanks for the removal.
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And they grand finale is....
Baseball Dude's reply: Sorry Tasha , but asking to be removed from your child’s little league email list is very odd
If this was a usual occurrence, then I wouldnt have responded
Let’s not continue this , we did what you asked
Have a nice day
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What....the.....FUCKtard? It's odd? When my kid's not playing?
I didn't email him back. I was too furious. I don't even know this guy and he's essentially telling me what a crappy mother I am. Did I really go out of line by asking to be removed from a stupid list? You know how that would work? Go to email contacts...scroll, scroll, there it is! Hit delete.
Wow. That was hard!
This just goes to show that:
#1: East Coast people take their baseball VERY seriously.
#2: East Coast people are a-holes.
#3: Baseball Dude can suck it.
Can I get some westerners to come and visit - so they can pick flowers with me and sing kumbaya?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Music I'm Embarrassed to Love
Some of the other tapes I remember listening to at the time were Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (another embarrassing song choice!), Duran Duran and Michael Jackson's Thriller - I actually had the record....you know, that big, black, round floppy thing that you had to play with a little needle?
And so, this song is dedicated to all my girls out there...who still rock to Journey...when they're alone in the car...with the windows rolled up. :) Go ahead and sing along. I won't tell anyone!
"Send Her My Love" by Journey, circa 1983
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Deep Thoughts
And then the very next day you look again and feel like a fat turd?
Today's one of those fat turd days for me.
How can we swing from one extreme to the other in just 24 hours? Why do my eyes trick me into thinking I might have actually lost a pound or two...until I go to try on my pants and...well, it's fat turd time! Tasha! Break it downnnn!
Or how can I bust my ass at Zumba for two weeks, eat well (high protein, low carbs, no sweets, no soda, no beer) and still gain weight?
And why did I have to be blessed with pale, Irish skin when pale skin just makes me look more like a fat turd and less like a skinny, shapely woman? Why does being tan make me look thinner? I think I've made the tan-in-a-bottle makers very, very rich. I've tried a spray tan, too, and it was ok. But knowing me, I'll eventually fuck it up one day and come out as orange as a Sesame Street monster.
I guess I'm just having a lonely, grumpy, fat turd kind of day. So my question to you is, what do you do to cheer yourself up...when you're having a turd kind of day?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Conversations With Ava
And I'm laughing thinking yesssss, my four-year-old has realized the circle of life!
So today, she blurts out "Mom! I cant wait to have a baby in my tummy! And then I'll have a kid..."
Oh shit. Um, NOT so funny. So I nodded and said yes, someday you will. (please GOD...wait 25 years...)
Then later today she said "Mom, I'm going to give kitty to my baby when I have one..." Kitty, a little orange stuffed cat, is her most precious toy. Kitty goes everywhere with us and I consider Kitty a member of the freakin family. We almost lost Kitty once and I had nightmares about it the whole night. Here in this picture you can see Kitty is on her way to the restaurant with us... iPod and Kitty; Ava's staples!
I told The Hubs that I'm going to invent a stuffed animal collar so that we parents won't have to worry so much about those precious, stuffed toys when they get lost...I'm such a freak!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Growing Older is Weird
I swear my brain still thinks it's 24.
What the fuck, brain? Why confuse me so?
I had mental shit hit my internal fan today.
I was grocery shopping - one of my most favorite things to do...not. Anyway, I'm checking out and the checker is a young, early 20-something cutie patootie. He's jabbering away to the bagger who, after listening to their banter, I took to be his roommate. This bagger/roommate kept talking and the checker cutie patootie turns to me and says
"You should complain to the store that he (the bagger) keeps interrupting us."
I knew he was just being a smart ass, and I can play the smart ass game pretty well myself, so I quipped back
"That's ok. I have kids, so I'm used to it."
Okay, okay, not exactly what I'd call funny or smart assed. Throw me a bone - I stay home and converse with a four and a six year old all day. My smart-assms are rusty.
But here's where he drops the big shit bomb on me.
He doesn't miss a beat, laughs at my joke, and says-
"Yea. Haha! That's exactly what my mom would say!"
Oh dear God. Did he, a boy who is probably only ten (or so) years younger than I, just compare me to....(hard swallow)....his mother.
Um, duuude. I'm not that old.
Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I'm being compared to a 20-something's mother.
I had to check myself and just smiled at him. I'm not the cute, unwrinkled, charming, natural blond 24 year old I once was.
Um yes, can I add some anti-wrinkle cream to my shopping cart?
Damn you, brain.
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Thursday, July 8, 2010
Music I'm Embarrassed to Love
Lucky for me, I had to opportunity to see Heart live at the House of Blues in Mandalay Bay a few years ago. It was a great show - I was right up against the stage, and my girlfriend and I were invited by some of the "crowd boys" to party with the band after the show. I got to meet the whole band - their current drummer used to play for another favorite of mine, Alice in Chains.
Most of Heart's songs are really good - not anything to be embarrassed about. But there are a select few, this song for instance, that are painfully cheesy. But I can't deny that I LOVE this song. It makes me want to slip on some hot pink legwarmers, put on my lace headband and dance around like Nancy Wilson!
Rock on, ladies.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Deep Thoughts
Have you ever put a seatbelt on a case of beer?
Um yeah, me either.
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My birthday cake was sooooo yummy. So yummy, in fact, that the hubs caught me eating it right out of the box. Me don't need no stinkin plate!
Speaking of this picture, don't you love it when someone takes a picture of you holding something, and your arm is pressed tightly against your side, which makes your arm look three times as big (fat)? Yea, I love that too. Crap, I can't pose all the time - especially when I'm eating a ten-pound cake straight out of the box...
Ten-pound cake...fat arms....maybe this picture is trying to tell me something.
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My lovely mother just bought me the Zumba DVDs for by birthday - I asked for them. I've tried out a few and well, I have LOTS to say about them. Ha - I have a lot to say about something? Imagine that! It should make for a pretty funny blog post, because I spent an entire hour yesterday giggling at the toolbox dude who created the videos/workout.
Stay tuned for that blog - you won't want to miss it.
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Chris Brown does Michael Jackson?
What a great tribute to Michael Jackson. I love love love those songs and the dancing was incredible; it could have been Michael himself dancing up there! But Chris 'Beat Her Down' Brown crying so hard he couldn't manage to sing "Man in the Mirror" at the end of his set?
BOO HOO.
I feel such sadness for him - NOT.
So to protest, here's my open letter to Chris Beat-Her-Down Brown.
Dear Chris,
Grow some balls. I don't feel sorry for you at all. Cry to your mama, but sing the freakin song like you're suppose to. You could have pulled yourself together after the first few rifts...we get it - you're sad. But no, instead you decided to make a freaking spectacle and...Boohoo, everyone look at me! Look how sorry I am for beating the crap out of my girlfriend. Look at how sensitive I can be because I miss Michael Jackson.
Puuuuleeeeeez. Crock tears, baby. Here's a tissue. I'm going to go puke now.
Sincerely,
The Housewife
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Monday, June 28, 2010
Bad Mom Moment #377
Just sayin!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Philadelphia's Taste of the Nation - Update
Take a deep breath, grab your slobber napkin and prepare to drool....ready?
Life's short...eat dessert first, right?
Is this dessert, you ask? No. Foie Gras with pickled cabbage. Yummy. I noticed there was quite a variety of foie gras offered at the event - it must be a favorite among Philly chefs. I loved it.
Something I noticed about this event - the guests were awfully camera shy. I had to put on a really big smile..and sometimes even say pleasssssse? But my charm and eloquence (cough!) eventually encouraged them to come around.
Here are some of the beautiful people of Philadelphia...
And my favorite picture of the night? Chef Walter Staib from City Tavern pointing to himself. He was such a good sport - and funny, too! And his shrimp was to DIE for. So, thank you Chef Staib - delish.
Best. Birthday Cake. Ever.
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Thanks to Doug's Cakes for the best cake evah!
(He even delivers)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Philadelphia's Taste of the Nation - Picture Preview
Monday, June 21, 2010
Bad Mom Moment #549
You'll just have to eat cookies over at your friends' houses instead.




