The Housewife's awkward moment

Forgive the airplane noise at the beginning. Gotta love the Airforce...

Yes my hair is brown. I know you dont like it so you dont have to say anything.

Watch the video for a good laugh at The Housewife.

What would YOU do?

I'm back!

I'm back boys and girls! Did you miss me?

Yea, I didn't think so. Probably didn't even know I was gone!

I'm back to cause more trouble, and I've got some juicy juice gossip for you, but you're just going to have to wait for it. It's typical Las Vegas Housewife goodness, with lots of bitchiness, complaining and swearing. And I'll probably be drinking when I write it....

Sound good? Uh huh.

Stay tuned.

I'll have some updates from my California vacation, too, in case you were wondering...

Gotta love Las Vegas news

What happens in the Vegas news, stays in the Vegas news.

Serves the reporter right for thinking he could do a live segment on freaking Freemont street....DUH!

More...deep thoughts

My body's acquired something new in its old age. Back fat. Sweet. I had no idea that I could actually get fat ripples on my freakin back. Why didn't anyone tell me about this? It even makes a difference on what bra size I wear. I can see it now- "well yes, I used to wear a 34, but then my back got fat so now it's 36."

Do you think it's a bad thing that I blast George Michael's "I want your sex" with my kids in the car? I keep doing it, and I'm just waiting for my 5 year old to ask why some dude keeps asking for sex on the radio. I'll just tell him...."Jack...George Michael is singing about chicks but he really likes boys..." That'll totally throw him off! Ha!
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Speaking of my 5 year old, I think he's officially become cooler than me. I was expecting this, but not until he was at least 15. I guess I'm 10 years behind staying ahead of the game. Did you get that? Guitar Hero had changed his whole perspective on the world. Now it's all about getting a real guitar, Ozzy Osborne and System of a Down (two of his favorites). I could go on and say..."Boy, I saw Ozzy at Red Rock in 1992, 11 years before you were even born!" but then I realized Jack probably doesn't give a shit- he's only 5, after all.

Internet Explorer can suck it. It makes a regular habit of closing ALL my windows on me when I'm working on something important. So eff you very much IE!

The family and I are heading to California this weekend for a much-needed summer vacation. Cant wait! We're planning on spending our days sleeping in, at the beach and eating as much seafood as possible. My kids have NEVER seen fireworks. Sad, right? Here in Vegas, it's always been too effing hot to drag them to a park and sweat our balls off for a 30 minute show. They are ecstatically excited to see some on the beach this year (because that's how the California-coast folks do it), and I'm hoping my little sweat pea, Ava, doesn't freak out from the noise. She's kind of a sensitive diva, if you know what I mean.

Click here to check out The Housewife's summer vacation, 2008!

Happy 4th of July weekend to everyone! And remember- safety first. Don't light any fireworks out of your ass!

Movies I'm embarrassed to love

Remember my first blog about the movies that I'm embarrassed to love? Fair is fair! Well, I have more. Lots more. Here's just a few of them. You can laugh at me later.

The Burbs. This was when Tom Hanks was still thin and Corey Feldman was still cool. I think my brother and I have watched this movie over 100 times, and it just gets funnier. One of the best parts? The dramatic pan to every one's eyes- including the dog's. Remember? I watched this movie again just the other day, and as an adult living in the burbs, I saw it from a whole new perspective. Awesome.

Defending Your Life. A place where you get to see who your were in a former life and you get to eat all you want without gaining any weight? Be still my beating heart. Albert Brooks is a brilliant comedic writer and this movie guarantees me a laugh every time. I never get sick of watching it.

Real Genuis. A young, hot Val Kilmer. Smart men. Lots of popcorn. A true 80s classic with totally tubular 80s music. Need I say more?

Coming to America. The husband and I are constantly quoting from this movie. Bark like a dog. Woof! Woof! Bark like a little dog. Arf! arf! Sexual Chocolate. Damn, that boy's good!


Dream a Little Dream. Back when the Coreys weren't addicts yet and I was just a kid wanting to be the girl in the movie. What was her name? I remember being insanely jealous of her huge boobs. Nice the things that I obsessed about, eh? Or remember that song...Rock On by Michael Damian. Sweet. I'd still sing that shit in the car with the windows rolled down. I'm not ashamed.

Deep Thoughts

You know something I cant stand? People who park their carts in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store, and don't move their asses when they see you coming. I mean, seriously, are you that engrossed in the Frosted Flakes and Cheerios that you can't move your shit over so I can pass? I have two screaming, fighting kids with me, you might as well move or I might sick one of them on you.

There's something about Las Vegas and people driving with popsicles. I've noticed that locals like to drive around town eating a freaking popsicle. I know it's hot. I know they're good. But how about a soda instead? The last thing I want to pull up next to is a huge dude giving a popsicle a blow job. I need to make a bumber sticker: MAPD - Mother Against Popscicle Drivers.

I desperately need to get my hair done. I cant remember the last time I had it cut and colored. At first it was like, yah, roots are in, dudes....I did this on purpose.

Then later it was like, yah, I'm a career woman, I don't have the damn time to get my hair done.

NOW, it's like, yah, my hair is disgusting....I know. Stop fucking staring.

I turn 32 on Friday. Wow. This is one of those years that I could really give a shit how old I am or that it's my birthday. It's not a bad feeling, maybe just denial? I think I'd rather stay 31 instead... if no one objects.

And last, what the fuck is up with Kate's (Jon and Kate) haircut? I HATE it. I keep staring at it, trying to figure it out. Is it short? Is it long? Is it blond? Is it brown? Has she turned lesbian? Maybe? If that were the case it would sure make some good TV.

Conversations with DH- Happy Father's Day Weekend!

I'm taking the hubs and the kids to the Ritz at Lake Las Vegas for the weekend to celebrate what a great daddy I married, but I wanted to share a recent conversation with DH (dear husband) that I had.

For Mother's Day, DH bought me an ipod attachment for my car. So now I can listen to my pod through the speakers! Yes!

So once day last week, we're driving somewhere and DH says.....

DH - "Do you ever use the attachment I got you?"

Me - "Yes, all the time."

DH - "Well let's listen to it, then."

I pop out my Apple ipod and expertly hook it to my attachment. Music starts to play.

About 30 seconds into the song......

DH - "Why are you making me listen to this shit?"

Me - (giggle- I know he'd hate the 80s pop song I had on) "You're the one who wanted to listen to it."

DH - "This song is gay."

Me - "You're gay."

DH - "Turn it off."

Me - "Okay."

DH - "Remind me never to ask if you're listening to your pod again."

Me - "Heehee. Sucka!"

You know you live in Las Vegas when...

Welcome to another edition of "You know you live in Las Vegas when..."

If you've missed the others, go here to catch up.

Ready?? Set? Go!

You know you live in Las Vegas when...

Gambling can always be a part of your night out if you want it to. Anywhere you go, there's a place nearby to lose your money at.

Any building that's over 3 stories high is a casino. (There are no skyscrapers or high rise business buildings in Vegas. It's houses, Target and casinos.)

The weather forecast says "cool" with a high of 95. (Seriously...this year's June has been gorgeous...like springtime and cool- only in the 90s!)

You look at pictures of people living in other places and think "wow, other people really dress like that?"

When Dateline's "Vegas Undercover" comes on, you change the channel. Been there, done that, thanks.

Going to "church" means hitting the Bellagio flower gardens on Sunday morning because the tourists are still sleeping.

When you're out on the town, someone will most certainly ask you "where are you from?" and when you say "here" their expression is priceless.

120 degrees is no big thing.

Las Las Vegans, feel free to add your own YKYLILV to the comments. I'll add them in an upcoming edition.

The Housewife's summer dinner

Here's a summer dinner that I love to serve.

One of my specialties is iced sun tea. I always get compliments on my tea so I thought I'd share the (secret) recipe with you. Don't tell anyone! This summer's flavor is peach.

If you have an iced tea maker like me, then use it! If you don't have one, that doesn't mean you have to miss out on the fun. You can find a "sun tea" jar at just about any Target or Walmart. OR you can use any big glass jar with a lid- lots of places sell the "infusion jar" which is the trendier version of this.

Peach Sun Tea

What you'll need:

4 bags of generic, black tea bags

4 bags of any peach herbal tea (a good replacement flavor if you don't like peach is mint herbal tea)

Honey

Fill your jar with water.

Put the 4 bags of black and the 4 bags of herbal peach into the jar.

Leave the jar to sit outside in the sun for the afternoon. The longer in the sun, the stronger the tea. Once the tea is brewed, add lots of ice and some honey to taste. I prefer honey to sugar because it gives it a more organic, less sweet flavor. Sometimes it take a lot of honey, but it tastes SO much better! You can also use Splenda.

If you want to get really special, you can add a few mint leaves to the brew before serving. Makes it look very pretty (to bring to a summer party?) and gives the flavor a little kick. Yum!

Cranberry Salad

What you'll need:

1/2 pound of cooked, diced chicken

3 hearts of romaine lettuce, chopped

1/2 cup chopped candied pecans

1/2 cup dried cranberries (crasins)

1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese

3/4 cup raspberry walnut vinaigrette (or something similar)

You can add your favorite salad fixings to the mix, but with this particular salad, I prefer to keep it simple, stupid. There are so many flavors already- the salad is delish!

Add all ingredients together excepts chicken and dressing- don't add those until immediately before serving. Leave the chicken out for a vegetarian treat.

Enjoy!

Happy summer and I hope you'll come back and let me know how your dinner went!

Taste of the Nation 2009 - Las Vegas

As I said in my preview, I was lucky enough to have been invited to a spectacular foodie event at Hard Rock Hotel and Casino called Taste of the Nation, hosted and produced by a charity called Share our Strength that fights hard to end childhood hunger.

The hubby and I arrived right on time, and stepped into a ballroom filled with music and smells of delicious food. The place was still fairly empty when we got there, but by the end of the evening the room was packed full of foodies, chefs and their assistants, bartenders, celebrities and Las Vegas socialites...fun! Vegas events dont get any better than this, people.

One of the highlights of my night- other than the food- was being able to meet one of the celebrity hosts of the night, Holly Madison from The Girls Next Door. She used to live in the Playboy Mansion and share Hef's bed, people! She was very kind and gracious to me, and my apologies to y'all for the picture being blurry. That's what I get for turning the flash off and letting my husband take the picture. Damn! But still....you get the idea. Holly's even prettier (and skinnier!) in person. I saw this and realized I look like a fat slob next to her...

Oh well.

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I didn't see the girl didn't eat a single bite of food all night. That would have been sheer torture for me. I wanted to see her EAT, but it didn't happen. I considered bringing her a scallop or something but her publicist (or her bodyguard) would have probably kicked my ass.

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David Burke, a celebrity chef and a member of Taste of the Nation's Culinary Council, was the first station we visited. I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Burke last year at the Signature Chefs event, and a little insider foodie fact about him is that his favorite ingredient is scallops! I guess that's why he shares it in so many of his dishes? For Taste of the Nation he served a scallop with fresh herbs and a bit of crunch. They... were... fantastic.

There were so many beautiful ice sculptures, and most were used not only for display, but to keep the food cool while it patiently waited for a guest to help themselves to it.....brilliant. Here's some seafood ceviche from Border Grill (in Mandalay Bay ) displayed on top of ice. I loved how they used clear dishes to bring the light up over the ice and into the food.

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Gorgeous... and so yummy.

Roy's (one of my favorite places to dine) was part of the event and served some bright and colorful (and might I add very tasty) sushi. It was so good I went back for seconds!


One thing I've noticed about these kind of events is that guests are snooty and not looking to chat up another foodie stranger. But this time, at Taste of the Nation, I remember coming away thinking how friendly and fun the crowd was. Even the chefs at each station were open and happy to answer questions or pose for a picture. And usually, when I have my camera and start snapping away at people, they get annoyed. But here, people would turn to me and smile. Smile! Wow, this made my job so easy and I enjoyed myself SO much more!

Here's the biggest display of shrimp I've ever seen from The N9Ne Steakhouse in The Palms (http://www.n9negroup.com/). I hear they have good steaks, too. Ha!

There were adorable go-go dancers dressed as chefs walking around giving out some sort of goodies out of their baskets. I don't know what was in them, because they didn't offer it to me, but they were kind enough to post for a photo.

There were complicated, colorful food displays in every direction. Some chefs sold their cookbooks or specialty knife sets....

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My favorite restaurant of them all, Rosemary's, was there. I got to shake hands with owner Michael Jordan and snapped a few pictures of their newly released cookbook,
Food of Love. They even have to recipes from the book on CD-Rom if you're more of a listener than a reader....

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I swear Michael and Wendy Jordan and I should be BFFs by now with how much I talk about their restaurant.

The bartenders from the Rhumbar (in the Mirage) station made me a wonderfully refreshing Latin Manhattan, and I don't even like bourbon! It was lemony and minty and as smooth as a baby's bottom. Delish!

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Here's another bartender doing a little showing off for my camera. How cute is his sassy shake shake?

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While we were busy stuffing our faces with delectable food, there was silent auction going on all around us with some pretty amazing items to bid on. Wine, pictures, vintage music albums, reestaurant and spa gift certificates and more. My hubby and my favorite was a framed, autographed album from U2. We bid on it several times but, in the end, lost to another bidder.

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Note to self: watch the damn bidding sheet until the last 10 seconds in order to seal the deal... and if someone else bids again, kick their ass.

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Just kidding.
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In my very humble foodie opinion, this was an extremely well put together (and pulled off) party. This event (and the food) was even better than The Epicurean. Less about flash, more about food. Because that's what people want....is great food and good company. And the best part? 100% of the profits from the event go to help feeding our nation's children through Share Our Strength.

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Check to see if there's a Taste of the Nation event in your area by visiting their website. They're hosting events through the end of August so there's still time to find a party near you. And if you missed this year's, make sure to make a note for next year. You wont be sorry you did!